Mike: Well, will we have a quarterback controversy in Lincoln after this weekend?
Patrick: Are we still alive? Everyone good?
Jarek: I don’t believe there is a QB controversy quite yet. There is one if Jeff Sims gets yanked from the Michigan game next week though and Haarberg plays well enough.
Jill: Who needs a quarterback? The position is totally overrated.
Brian: I still think there is hope for Jeff Sims to work out his issues. Haarberg looked good, but is he good enough to keep running people over and taking hits like he did against Illinois State. We have some big teams coming up and Heinrich may be a battering ram, but even a battering ram will break eventually. I also heard from a reliable source, that heard from another source, who’s cousin works for another players cousin’s cousin, that the reason Sims kept dropping balls was he had oil on his hands from polishing his helmet before the games. Rhule has made it very clear that no one is to polish their helmet before the games anymore.
Andy: Sounds like Satterfield was going to have a long talk with Heinrich about trying to truck everyone. And I feel like that’s a minor issue compared to Sims’ myriad problems. Maybe he can get back mentally against La Tech’s defense which is more on a par with the Colorado’s Buffa-Ole’s. But anyway - if they both play to 2023 thus far type tomorrow and Sims gets rolled out against Michigan? Then we have have a controversy.
Nate M: Where can I get the best tacos in Lincoln?
Maryland (-7.5) at Michigan State
Patrick: University of Maryland 31 Michigan State University 15
Jarek: Younger Tua (Taulia Tagovailoa) is a pretty solid quarterback for the Terrapins. Mel Tucker has officially hung up the phone (if he’s smart) and Michigan State will probably flounder from here on out. Testudo 34 Spartacus 17
Mike: I think Sparty is too distracted this season, and Maryland is sneaky good in the second half. (Early on, not so much.) Turtles 38, Sparty 10
Jill: I think green is one of the only colors Maryland doesn’t have in their state flag? The obvious issues for Michigan State make Maryland seem like the better pick, even if the game is in East Lansing. MD 34 MSU 24
Brian: Michigan State will win. I’ve been pretty wrong on most game predictions this year but I think Michigan State will pull out the victory. I heard Maryland was having some issues behind the scenes lately and that maybe there could be some players betting on their own games. Maybe.
Andy: Maryland has a knack for starting 4-0 then finishing 5-7 or 6-6. However, Mike Locksley is starting to build something solid here and being from the area may not be looking for the next big job. Mel Tucker, however, is now free to prowl grocery stores, malls and lounges looking for that next big
totally unwanted “consensual” relationship while trying to scream his way into a payout after being shitcanned for cause.
No matter. Going from an overpaid, overrated, mediocre head coach to an interim is probably a push. And Michigan State is garbage. Maryland 41 Sparty 17
Nate M: I’m thinking like some good homemade tortillas type of Mexican food.
Maryalnd is better than I expected so far. I expect them to win easily.
Ohio State (-3) at Notre Dame
Patrick: Ohio State University 14 University of Notre Dame 10
Jarek: Ohio State always seems to run into that ONE game where they struggle a lot when they really shouldn’t, but Notre Dame is getting a little disrespect here. This is one where Notre Dame feels like it’s the more complete team for a change, and I like the golden domers to pull the upset here. “The World Famous” Ohio State Buckeyes 24 Touchdown Jesus 30
Mike: Way too much doubt over the Bucknuts this season. Notre Dame has a nice offense, though...so this one should be high scoring. An Ohio state university 41, Domers 34
Brian: Ohio State will get the W, but I think Notre Dame will be one of their tougher opponents this year. I do think Notre Dame will run out of gas by the 3rd and Ohio will stretch the lead by the end of the 3rd and come up with the win.
Jill: Both teams seem to be able to score points, so at least this one should be fun?!? Buckeyes 31 Notre Dame 30
Andy: Normally, I’d pick Ohio State to cruise in this one, but referees do strange things in South Bend during marquee matchups and with TV basically running the show now, the odds of the stripes misbehaving will double. The network suits desperately want the Dame in the playoff and the Buckeyes’ far superior defense may be blinded by all the yellow laundry flying around them in the game’s closing drives.
In case that was too subtle, I was saying the fix could be in. But screw Notre Dame and all the pious shittiness which slouches behind it in its foul wake. Ohio State 28 Domerscum 20
Nate M: As far as the meat goes, I am open to just about anything. I’ve been on a chorizo kick lately but some good carne asada would suffice.
I hope Notre Dame embarrasses Ohio State. I’ll pick them to win. Who is them? You’ll have to tune in tonight at 9 p.m. central on Sportscenter.
Iowa (+15) at Penn State
Patrick: Pennsylvania State University 21 University of Iowa 10
Jarek: It’s a good thing Iowa ran up the score late against Western Michigan, because little Ferentz and the clown show O is getting nowhere near the 25 points per game mark this week. This game is in Happy Valley, not Iowa City, so no upset is even in my thoughts. Squawks 14 Sandusky Shower Power 34
Mike: Penn State has looked like the top B1G team early on this season, while Iowa is still doing Ferentzian things (great defense, comical offense). And in honor of the 19th anniversary of 6-4, a weird score: Nitts 23, Squawkeyes 5.
Brian: Really? Any true Nebraska fan will say “F” Iowa and give Penn State the win. Anyone saying otherwise needs to have their head examined. I heard from a very reliable source that the Iowa players were too busy complaining about how “ribbed condoms were the worst flavor because they don’t taste like ribs at all”.
Jill: Penn State is the better team. Thanks to defense and special teams Iowa never really seems to get blown out though. Maybe that changes this week. Ferentz-Watch on reaching 25 points/game is back after this one! Lions 27 Hawkeyes 10
Andy: Perverted defenders of child abuse vs. the Ku Klux Squawkeyes. I’d be up for just handing out a pile of Escape From New York weaponry to both sets of fans and just turning them all loose on the field for a timed 60 minute hoedown of violence which would make all of mankind a better place in its wake. Naturally, clean-up will take a couple of days and both schools will be charged a loss, the result of a 2-2 double forfeit.
(That’s another -23 on Brians Drive to 25 (per game))
Nate M: Salsa can be underrated at times in deciding how good the tacos are but it has to have some heat and it has to feel like it was made with love.
I hope Penn State burns Iowa into the ground (football wise as I hope everybody is safe and lives long lives of prosperity).
Minnesota (-11.5) vs. Northwestern (at Evanston, Ill.)
Patrick: University of Minnesota 42 Northwestern University 10
Jarek: Row, row, row your boat, straight up Lake Michigan, merrily...you get the idea. How the spread is only 11.5 is interesting, but that shouldn’t be much of an issue for Peej and his eyebrows. Southern Canada 31 Fake NU 17
Mike: This shouldn’t be that close. Goofs 28, NW 6
Brian: Minnesota. Minnesota. Minnesota. Minnesota. Northwestern is still busy trying to patch things up after their mild behind the scenes “touchy-no-likey” stuff. Minnesota has had a rough start this year....well so have we, but Minnesota should beat Northwestern easily.
Jill: What Brian said. Minnesota. Gophers 37 Northwestern 17
Andy: Nope, done with this Northwestern shit. Let’s pick Colorado vs Oregon instead. Phil Knight matches the TV networks ref payout, so we get a straight up game which is not good for the Buffalo defense. Oregon 59 Buffy-Poo’s 27.
Nate M: Minnesota needs to start playing better. They should be fine today against Northwestern. Minnesota SHOULD win by 20.
Louisiana Tech (+21) at Nebraska
Patrick: University of Nebraska 34 Louisiana Tech University 17
Jarek: Still interested in whom the starter will eventually be, but I don’t think it will matter a whole helluva lot in the end. Nebraska just needs to do the same thing it did last week, take care of the ball and jam it down their throats. Now if the injury bug will do us a favor and take the week off so we have at least one healthy running back remaining, that would be great. Terry Bradshaw U 10 Nebraska 37
Mike: Smoke Harris will try to put up Troy Edwards-like numbers, but the Blackshirts aren’t allowing THAT. They’ll get some points, but as long as Nebraska’s quarterbacks don’t gift Tech the game, NU should score enough to win. Huskers 38, Dawgs 14.
Brian: Louisiana Tech will get the win. There’s no way I’m saying Nebraska will win. Anytime I predict Nebraska to win so far this year, its been a major loss. So the Huskers will lose. Louisiana Tech will win by a field goal. Sims will turn over about 2 times, Haarberg will get hurt. Grant will get hurt as well. Its the end of days people. Hold out for next year.
Jill: Has someone sent Cobby to check on Brian?
This should be a game that is never in doubt, but this is Husker football. Of course, there will be moments of angst and WTF. The offense will sputter and take most of the first quarter to get going. The Blackshirts score some points to help out an offense still trying to hang onto the ball and find a new RB rotation. Tech runs in a late TD to make the score closer than it really is. No clarity emerges at QB. Nebraska 34 LaTech 17
The Jackrabbits have the week off, so you are safe from my FCS score predictions for a few more days.
Cobby: I’m on it!! Okay, who can give me a lift to Herm’s first?!?
Andy: Just too many X-factors going down to do any kind of analysis rated any higher than half-assed. Who’s starting? If Haarberg, does he regress to a level many predicted of him (not likely) or injure a shoulder trying to shitmix someone? (Possible). If it’s Sims, does he keep up as D1’s greatest football philanthropist or magically bounce back to Georgia Tech levels? (I’m not seeing a quick recovery.)
Can Emmett Johnson play well enough that Anthony Grant won’t have to tote it 25-30 times/game? And not drop it? Can Fidone keep up his new pace(probably only if Haarberg’s in) and can Malachi Coleman start becoming that deep threat ahead of schedule? (Wouldn’t that be nice?)
Many more questions, but the constant right now is the Blackshirts. While the offense figures it out - and they should - the defense will keep La Tech off the field. They may or may not cover but the ‘Skers should still win comfortably. Nebraska 37 La Tech 17
Nate M: With Louisiana Tech starting their back-up quarterback I think this will be a feast type of game for Nebraska with the defense. Nebraska 48 - Louisiana Tech 14.