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THE 24 HOUR RULE: At Least Iowa Week Is Mercifully Short

Our history in these games doesn’t exactly fill my heart with hope for this one, but if we go bowling, wouldn’t earning it against these human dial tones be justice?

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: NOV 11 Rutgers at Iowa
In Iowa, dating too close to the gene pool is a dare, not a warning.
Photo by Keith Gillett/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

So, we get one last semi warm fall day today before that north wind rolls in with what should be temps in the 20’s around kickoff on an overcast morning in Lincoln, NE. In other words, we’re gonna get to work off some of that ham and turkey by clinching and shivering in the stands. Stands I’ll be sitting in for the first time all season, by the way. Because I shore can pick those live game dates, can I not?

The goal as always will be as little contact with the Iowa faithful as possible. Avoidance on social media, where they inform everyone how classy they are before unleashing awful dog-whistle remarks ad nauseum, is easy.

Hearing it live and in person, not so much.

If you’re Iowa, you don’t repeatedly stack up huge “L’s” in discrimination lawsuits without that fan base 100% on board (along with the head coach - see link above). And the larger the Iowa gut and the fewer the Iowa teeth, then the louder the Iowa voice repeating how classy they are (“We wave at sick kids EVERY home game!”) and reminding you how wonderful and sweet Caitlin Clark - her of the constant shit-talking and gesturing with non-stop Euro flops and dives - is, but that damned Angel Reese is a “thug” with no class at all, Gawd bless our Hawkeyes.

Syndication: Palm Beach Post Zach Boyden-Holmes / USA TODAY NETWORK

So yes, I always want this one a little more. Even though Ferentz always looks like he just smelled a fart at work in the happiest of moments, I want a Husker win which brings out that Kirk expression of unbridled fury suggesting he’s clenching his jaw hard enough to bust a couple molars.

Or smash the dentures, whichever the case may be.

Anyway, group apologies in advance to those Husker fans who will need some apologizing to. To those who expect the fan noise to be approved by Tom Osborne and their pastor...yeah, barring a 37-3 Husker win, you’ll hear a few things you don’t like. And if it’s 37-3, you’ll even hear it when they kick the 52-yard FG to pop the shutout. I’m just gonna affirm my 1st Amendment rights and try to not overdo it.

To the group for whom the Memorial Stadium battle cry is a wheezing, “DOWN IN FRONT!! (cough cough)”, I’ll probably mostly ignore you since I exhausted those arguments decades ago. I understand you believe society has to honor your imaginary Karen enforcement powers, but sadly, no. Yes, I’ll wait for security.

Also, in an unrelated thought? Congrats to AD Trev Alberts on his contract extension and if possible, could you fast track ending the grandfathering of tickets this off season?

Anyway, game on. I may not understand why we’re favored by 2 12 (Is our state so gambling-diseased we’re moving lines almost 4 points in the space of 3 days??). I fully understand an Over/Under which has allegedly dropped to 25 12 . I just want Clubber’s Balboa-Lang I prediction to come true for Iowa.

I am in Nebraska vs. Iowa mode now.


SUPERSTITION - A QUICK REMINDER

A very quick one. It was working for awhile - the red rabbit feet, the lucky Husker key chain or lighter, the correct shirt, hat or shoes. Then we lost our focus and started talking about division titles and conference championships before locking down that 6th win. Our bad but it’s not too late.

Double down. On both the lucky charms and the evil things which need destroyed or burned. The stupid cap that never fit or got a win (that’s me). The ticket stub from the 2012 Big 10 Championship Game. The Scott Frost book from before he coached a game. Torch ‘em.

There’s no distractions now. It’s our last “one game at a time”. Win, go bowling. Lose, stay home. You can’t hold anything back now, Brent.

Nebraska v Iowa
Do it again.
Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images

Nebraska Cornhuskers