Welcome all and wasn’t that fun??
Anyway, a loss like that doesn’t need to be relived in depth. This week, it’s just going to be a few thoughts, and then we’re gonna have a few laughs because, dammit, we deserve them! And then it’s off to Camp Randall or a home, bar or iPhone/iPad wherever you happen to be stuck to watch the Huskers win in Madison for the first time since 1966. Plenty of reason to be excited.
And good news - we’ve graduated to NBC so more of that Peacock-only shite. Hello, NBC! Although if I’m honest it’s the CBS games I’m yearning for - their college football theme is hands down, the best.
So let’s have a few laughs -but, as stated, a few thoughts first:
- It stinks but it’s time to move on from QB Jeff Sims. With 10 turnovers it barely more than 2 1⁄2 games (remember he left Colorado early) the risks have crushed the potential rewards.
- Throwing twice with 2nd & goal on the 5 was inexcusable. Yes, I hear what Rhule and Satterfield are saying, I just disagree strenuously after the show the O-line put on that drive. Best game of the year for them. That being said, it’s not a call for firings, not even close.
- Yes, the defense had trouble with deep balls again. That being said, they only gave up 13 points. That should’ve been enough for a win.
- I guess what I’m I’m saying with the last two is this team is closer than you think to making a leap. Bill Busch had the defense playing solid last year after Chins’ ouster, but Tony White has taken it to another level. And the offensive line is improving week by week in front of our eyes - even with the injury bug. There are good things happening for the long-term. The scoreboard will catch up.
THE NEED FOR A STRONG BENCH
If we’ve learned anything this season with the injuries, it’s that you have to have quality guys ready to jump in at moment’s notice and make things happen. When it comes to movies/TV, the bench parts are already written in, but I think of those people who are secondary storylines or only in for a scene or two as bench players.
Now, Will Ferrell is a starter, an all-star, a hall-of-famer - but he has always been willing to hop in off the bench in multiple shows. And, believe me, it almost always boosts that movie to a 3-touchdown run. Never fails.
So in honor of “next men up” who have sparked their teams, here are my Top 4 favorite Will Ferrell off-the-bench performances in reverse order (just proceed as if everything’s NSFW):
#4: AUSTIN POWERS - Mustafa
“You shot me! You shot me right in the arm!”
For a couple of minutes, Ferrell took over the show as Dr. Evil’s henchman Mustafa, most of it from offscreen after he was dumped into a fire pit. Where he was “badly burned but alive!” Now the game here was a blowout, but Ferrell was that freshman who came in to return his first punt and housed it - with the crowd going, “What in the hell did we just see?”
#3: WEDDING CRASHERS - Chaz Reinhold
“Grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac!” The meatloaf. “Died hang gliding. What an idiot!”
I know some will have this higher, but it’s not a dis at #3. It’s just a compliment for #1 & #2 for being even funnier in my mind. This one was like the Tampa Bay Bucs era leading to 2021. Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson were solid winning players. But in the last 10 minutes, here came Ferrell as Tom Brady to bring some of the movie’s biggest laughs and help snag the trophy of year’s best comedy. (Ok, not technically off the bench, but I like the comparison)
#2: THE LADIES MAN - Lance DeLune
“Are you sure you don’t want just a dab? It’s a lemon essence and it’s delightful.”
This might be a little more obscure for some. The Ladies Man was low key one of my favorite SNL sketches of all time. When The Rock guest hosted and played a cop who went undercover to bust TLM and instead woke up a victim of his charms, it was amazing.
I had my doubts when it was turned into a movie, first quickly assuaged by Billy Dee Williams showing up as a bartender with some questionable bar jar food. But when Ferrell arrived as Lance, a man obsessed with revenge and Greco-Roman wrestling slathered in oil?
It was like seeing that crazy talented kid hop off the bench like Lawrence Phillips in 1993 against Texas Tech and gain 80 adding a 30-yard TD run.
Maybe it is just me, but this is high on my list. And it just killed me.
#1: EASTBOUND & DOWN - Ashley Schaeffer
“No! I am not okay! I sell fuckin’ KIA’s!!”
If Eastbound & Down’s Kenny Powers story wasn’t your cup of tea, then you probably won’t appreciate the comedy genius of Ferrell as Ashley, the straight-hair platinum blonde-wigged, southern, racist, creepy, evil car dealer.
There’s probably more blooper footage of his character than actual screen time since his fellow castmates struggled mightily to get through any takes involving Ferrell. But whether it was hiring a black biker gang to take down Kenny, firing a mini Civil War cannon at homeless people after a family dinner or just being a creepy, hilarious asshole at his car lots, Ashley was like that backup QB on a team with an injury-prone starter who threw for 380 yards and 5 TD’s every time he got the call. When he hit the field in Eastbound, you knew he was going upstairs 50+ times, none of them being a damned bubble screen either.
So many choices here - but let’s go with the time Ashley hired the aforementioned Grim Creepers who shortly turned on him and finally doled out the beating he so richly deserved - right in the shadow of a great white shark constructed by Bob Duato. (Respect)
THE DAY CHASE JUST NEEDED A SNACK
You know what else is funny? When someone you can’t stand does something he can never live down. Before Chase Daniel had truly turned the corner into world-class self-worship rolling with a faux-hawk and a line beard? And before he learned for the second time in his life that cameras are everywhere by falsely squawking that Ndamukong Suh spit on him in the pre-game? (Camera evidence showed Suh never got within 20 yards of him.)
ABC caught the hungry little hippo digging deep for a very unhealthy snack on the bench. Especially love him fighting his urges by holding his chewable low for a few seconds.
Before earning the nickname “Booger” for all eternity.
Seinfeld fans will tell you it was NOT a scratch.
AND SPEAKING OF TAKING TIME OUT FOR A LAUGH...
While we’re at it, let’s enjoy Jake Cotton who gave us the best chuckle ever on an illegal procedure. I still remember Bo cracking up when asked about it at the post-game presser. The quote was something like, “Sometimes you just gotta step back and take the hit.”
We’re not laughing at you, Jake, we’re laughing with you - I promise.
THE MOST CHILL CAT EVER
This legitimized Faux Pelini forever and gave everyone a smile at the 2014 Spring Game.
It also begged the question - where did they find a cat mellow enough not to shred Bo’s face while being held in middle of all that noise? (Assuming homeboy wasn’t drugged - and that assumption is not 100%)
AND LET’S FINISH WITH A FIERY PRE-GAME SPEECH FOR WISCY!
Courtesy of Necessary Roughness’ Interim head Coach Wally Riggendorf. Go Big Red.