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Big Ten Football Rankings - Week Five - Hot Garbage Is Alive And Well

Hot garbage has turned wet and smoldering

NCAA Football: Indiana at Maryland Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome back to another edition of Corn Nation’s Big Ten Football Rankings.

This week we have no movement in the top seven. Everyone roughly did their what they were supposed to do.

The bottom, is still just straight up trash. To be honest, it’s mostly Big Ten West teams. Which might very well be the worst division in the Power 5 (Enjoy using that term. It’s going away soon).

I am just waiting for either Wisconsin or Iowa to drop down into the trash heap. Or maybe they will be just fine and the move to the Air Raid will work in Madison. Maybe, just maybe, the Hawkeyes can fully rely on a defense to keep them afloat.

We are just roughly 13 of the way through the season and have two full months of games left so anything can happen.

1. Michigan (5-0 Overall 2-0 Conference) Beat Nebraska 45-7

  • Last Week #1 - No move
  • I asked you to be nice to Nebraska. Did you listen?

2. Penn State (5-0 Overall 3-0 Conference) Beat Northwestern 41-13

  • Last Week #2 - No Move
  • Penn State, you might just be the #1 team in this conference. Though we might not know until the middle of October when you play Ohio State. Enjoy this bye week.

3. Ohio State (4-0 Overall 1-0 Conference) Bye

  • Last Week #3 - No Move
  • Bye

4. Maryland (5-0 Overall 5-0 Conference) Beat Indiana 44-17

  • Last Week #4 - No Move
  • Maryland, this is great. You will most likely be #3 in the East Division at the end of the year. Baby Steps! Good luck against #4 ranked Ohio State this weekend.

5. Wisconsin (3-1 Overall 1-0 Conference) Bye

  • Last Week #5 - No Move
  • Bye

6. Iowa (4-1 Overall 1-1 Conference) Beat Michigan State 26-16

  • Last week #6 - No Move
  • Congrats, you beat Sparty and hit the over for Brian’s retention.

7. Rutgers (4-1 Overall 1-1 Conference) Beat Wagner 52-3

  • Last Week #7 - No Move
  • Smart move by having a body bag game right before you play Wisconsin this upcoming weekend. Win that one and I will move you up the rankings.

HOT WET GARBAGE (In Alphabetical Order)

Illinois (2-3 Overall 0-2 Conference) Lost to Purdue 19-44

  • I guess losing your defensive coordinator does matter. It also matters when said defensive coordinator turns around and whomps on you.

Indiana (2-3 Overall 0-2 Conference) Lost to Maryland 17-44

  • Tom Allen’s buyout is $20 million if he is fired before December 1st. After that it drops to just under $8 million. Just sit tight Hoosier fans.

Michigan State (2-3 Overall 0-2 Conference) Lost to Iowa 16-26

  • You almost had it. Then you realized you were 2023 Michigan State.

Minnesota (3-2 Overall 1-1 Conference) Beat Louisiana (Not that one) 35-24

  • Congrats to the salty Gophers. Have fun playing Michigan this week. Get that jug...

Nebraska (2-3 Overall 0-2 Conference) Lost to Michigan 7-45

  • This season will go much better if we can all just honestly admit that this is a rebuilding year and nothing more. Hunker down for the long haul.

Northwestern (2-3 Overall 0-2 Conference) Lost to Penn State 13-41

  • Hey, you’re still here? That’s nice.

Purdue (2-3 Overall 2-1 Conference) Lost to Beat Illinois 44-19

  • Oh wow, you beat Bret and his merry band of Illini. The West is a God Dam Mess.