As I explained in yesterday’s Q&A article with Indiana, anyone who ever owned a gaming console knows what a Rage Quit is. The AI in the CPU or that cheating sumbitch online has obviously known/hacked into your plays and so you bust a finger into the Reset or Power button because one does NOT have to take that shit. Ever.
Sidebar - as an old fart, I miss the $5 joysticks. I had no problem shattering one of those occasionally and rolling down to Target for a cheap, generic replacement. We all have issues. But $70 now?
And if you think Rage Quits are a phenomenon known only to the gaming community? Well, Nebraska just laid one on Scott Frost which cost them an extra $7.5 million for not waiting until October 1st. Not to go heavy on the speculation, but I’d bet a few bucks of my own some if not all of the buyout cash came from a rich or several rich, irritated individuals not associated with the Nebraska Athletic Department budget. Now that’s a big, expensive Rage Quit and quite frankly, some powerful-ass Nebraska.
But however it happened, the reset button has been pushed with eight regular season games left and the Huskers are staring at the wrong end of this 1-3 start. Players and fans alike were (and maybe still are) dazed. The 3-9 record in 2021 belied a competitiveness which saw them take some damn good teams to the wire and suggested a team ready to finally turn the corner in 2022.
The only problem was turning the corner into a Jack Lambert-looking mugger who popped them in the teeth with a tire iron and stole their wallet while a stray Corgi pissed on their authentic Lavonte David Starter jersey. Not good times, but here we are, folks.
Anyway, I used to annually do a review of the previous season to funny quotes from a favorite movie until it just got too damn depressing. In the hopes of this being the last rock bottom, let’s enjoy a few from 2016’s The Nice Guys in a mini-review of 2022 Part 1. It stars a surprisingly hysterical drunken, rock-bottomed PI Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe. If you haven’t seen it, trust me on this one and give it a look. Here’s a quick scene and then we’re off.
(Also what it must have felt like to be a Husker fan walking into the Oklahoma game mid-second quarter.)
“You took the Lord’s name in vain!”
“No I didn’t, Janet. I found it very useful actually. Ok, Janet?”
What I, and certainly many other Husker fans said repeatedly after the 5:51 mark of the third quarter against Northwestern beginning with the ill-fated onside kick. After a lousy second quarter, the Huskers had stormed into the second half with two touchdowns to take a 28-17 lead. They were done scoring for the day and even stayed with the old script by losing a one-score game after another failed last possession attempt.
We were off!
“So you’re telling me you made a porno where the plot is the point?”
After a first half which ended in a Huskers 7-7 tie with North Dakota, I too was starting to wonder what the goddamned point of it all was. By the time it was over, the plot had played out as advertised and the Huskers pulled away 38-17.
But for awhile there, it felt like North Dakota was the cable guy and Nebraska was about to get treated like the girl whose DirecTV needed repairing.
“Did you get a name?”
“Did you actually witness him getting into the elevator?”
“No, it was told to me by a wise old Indian. Of course I f**king witnessed it.”
My answer to friend who called the next morning to ask if watched the Georgia Southern debacle. I was doing some hiking in Colorado, but finished up early enough to witness the game which brought an end to the Frost Era as all of the 2017 predictions of Frost Warnings failed to materialize.
(Note: I probably should have considered an Ohio State fan’s tweet about those “Frost Warnings” more of a red flag. It basically went something like, “Frost warning? So what…we put a blanket over the tomato plants and wait for the sun to come up? I’m shaking.” Yes, it suddenly seemed incredibly stupid. God, I hate Ohio State.)
Anyway, after I was done being a smart ass with my buddy, I asked him to fill in a few blank spots I had from later in the game. Somewhere in the fourth quarter, I admit I took to strong drink and honestly remember little of the finish.
“Look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt.”
“People got hurt.”
“I’m saying, I think they died quickly. So I don’t think they got hurt.”
The Sooner game felt like the biggest debacle since 2007 when Oklahoma State boatraced Kevin Cosgrove’s hapless Blackshirts to a 38-0 halftime lead and sounded the death knell on the Callahan Era. (How bad was Cosgrove? His final performance was giving up 65 points to a Cody Hawkins-led offense. Go ahead and chew on THAT for a minute.)
But it got out of hand so quickly and ridiculously after a false-hope start before Brent Venables pulled the starters mid-third quarter, it was more like a quick, painless death. So, yeah, technically I guess no one got hurt.
“All right, which one of you c*ck-and-balls wants to make twenty bucks?”
Whoops, I take it back. In a continuation of the Cosgrove storyline, Erik Chinander was fired the next morning and Mickey Joseph could be heard trying to decide who on the staff would be taking his place.
A quick video of Nebraska fan overreacting to Iowa fan asking a simple favor and letting him know the streak ends this year.
“I think I’m invincible. It’s the only thing that makes sense. I don’t think I can die.”
Speaking for me, why I’m gonna buck the hell up, listen to Thunderstruck Live about seven times between now and the Saturday’s approximately 6:30pm kickoff, and get ready to do it all again.
In Mickey We Now Trust. Go Big Red.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Nebraska Cornhuskers.