Week One Predictions: Huskers vs. Effin’ Hawks

Mike: OK, it’s September...and it’s time to start the football season anew. What happened prior to this weekend is all in the past; we all move forward. Right?

Aaron: I mean, it is Week 1 of college football. Glad the preseason is over and I’m excited to get the Huskers actual first game of the season against the Hawks!

Andy: Week 1 is finally here and the puke is already flying! Mock the Huskers if you will but others are obviously inspired and have wasted no time with questionable play calls, losing one-score games late to a higher ranked opponent and letting that pre-game meal fly like an Italian mudslide. Imma lookin’ at you, Purdue! Boilermakers, indeed - let’s do this!

Illinois (+3) at Indiana (Friday night)

Mike: Bert has the Illini moving in the right direction. Tom Allen’s “best by” date was December 2020. Illinois 30, Indiana 21

Aaron: There is nothing like Friday nights in Bloomington… Illinois will somehow overcome all the spectacle and roll with the upset. Illinois 28, Indiana Jones 13

Jon: This is a really close spread. I’m not sure what to think of either team, but I’m believing Indiana will straighten out their quarterback problem and surprise the Illini. Indiana 42, Illinois 31

Bri: The Illini win it 28-17.

Andy: Indiana as a favorite in this one is just so weird I’m gonna assume the bookies know something I don’t. The rural parts of that state are the living embodiment of Children of the Corn and seeing an 8-year-old creep in a stupid little Quaker suit preaching to some other pie-faced jackasses wouldn’t strike me as unusual at all there. The Hoosiers have made some blood-magic deal with He Who Walks Behind The Rows and Indiana wins 29-23 while Bert polishes off a bucket of Popeye’s spicy.

Scott: I'm not sure home for Indiana is worth 3 points, but I'll bite and say they cover 31- 27

Urban Meyer Bowl, Part I

Utah (-3) at Florida

Mike: The Utes are favored in the Swamp??? Yep. Utah 38, Flo Rida 31

Aaron: Florida hired a new coach! And he brought a lot of his staff with him! And they play a top 10 team in their first game! What could go wrong?! Utes 30, Gators 20

Jon: Utah makes Florida feel bad at home. Utah 31, Florida 28

Bri: Utah gets a solid win here. Utah 35 Florida 14

Andy: The Pac 12 10 6? is dying on the vine and was already sinking like a rock in the Power 5 hierarchy. That being said, Florida was dogshit last season. See “lost 5 of last 7 including a bowl loss to Central Florida…yada yada yada…something…fart in church”. The new staff may turn them around but not tomorrow. Utes 30 Gators 20

Scott: After a dozen years in SEC country, nothing makes me happier than seeing the Gators suffer,(except seeing Penn State suffer...Purdue, you suck!) Utes by 14, 31 -17.

Urban Meyer Bowl, Part II

Notre Dame (+17) at Ohio State

Mike: Even the Pope picks the Bucknuts. aOSU 45, Random Catholic-ish School 14

Aaron: I cant believe a top 5 matchup has a spread of 17. But there is also no way the Domers cover, so touché. School I hate the most: 52, School I hate 3rd most: 24 (And to answer your question, Texas)

Jon: If this spread is correct, I’m going to enjoy watching the Buckeyes beat the shit out of Notre Dame. Ohio State 48 Notre Dame 24

Bri: Ohio State wins easily 56 to 21

Andy: Notre Dame at #5 is absolutely laughable, and I really hope their shitty, arrogant fans enjoy watching Touchdown JC get his skirt lifted as he is turned out by Ohio St. in front of a large national audience. (“It means they’ve made him a prostitute in their employee, Trebek!!” “I know, Mr. Connery!”)
Damn, I’m cheering for Ohio St. You know the assignment, Buckeyes - don’t screw this up. Ohio State 41 Domers 13

Scott; Can't both teams lose??? Since only one can, it will be the Irish 48-23

LSU -3 vs. Florida State (Sunday Night in New Orleans)

Mike: Not sure why you’d play this game in New Orleans instead of Baton Rouge. But, OK. Free Shoes 34, Tigers 31

Aaron: Wherever you are in the state of Louisiana, the Tigers are a tough out. I feel like this may be the best back and forth game of the bunch. The young blue chippers on LSU vs the more veteran FSU after a tune-up. I feel like the atmosphere and talent will prevail. Tigers 28, School-still-doing-racist-chants 23.

Jon: I look forward to the dysfunction of this game. LSU 13 FSU 9

Bri: Florida State is going to edge this one out 21-17.

Scott: If NU players can get in trouble in Dublin, LSU will have at least few out of the rotation after spending time in the Big Easy, but will still have enough to cover 17-10

Andy: The disrespect to the defending National Champion Georgia Bulldogs extends here as the 2nd best rankings match-up of the weekend vs. the #11 Ducks is left off the slate. (Hahaha, jk, Mike! But Dawgs 41 Ducks 21)
Pre-game? All hell breaks loose at a tailgate when Ed Orgeron stabs a Burt Reynolds look-alike over who gets to try for digits with a lovely and thoroughly disgusted co-ed. No charges filed at all because that man brung a national title home. The game? LSU 27 FSU 23

North Dakota (+22) at Nebraska

Mike: Contrary to what some think, the season is not over yet. It’s only just begun. Nebraska has a chance to get a little right this week. Huskers 41, F’n Hawks 14

Aaron: I hope to see an angry defense, led by a DC ready to blitz more than 6 times a game, and show some big play ability. It may not be enough to wash away the taste of the preseason game, but maybe it could get things pointed in the correct direction. No 1 score game here. ‘Braska 48, NoDAk Hawks 17

Jon: Closer than it should be, but Nebraska pulls out a win. Nebraska 34 North Dakota 24

Bri: The Huskers are going to let loose this week. Nebraska 42, North Dakota 21.

Scott: At least NU hasn't lost their team NAME yet... this shouldn't be real difficult, but my expectations are low. I think UND will bring pressure and rattle our grasping (but not holding) O-line and make it closer than it ought to be NU 30 -17

Andy: Well, it’s not THAT North Dakota and we’re playing football, not hockey, so there shouldn’t be TOO much stress Saturday afternoon. And if there is, holy shit, will that day set a new record for how many times Husker Fan A has to explain to Husker Fan B the buyout price doesn’t drop until October 1st.
All that being said, I think it will be a relatively comfy win with the offense rolling up some points and the defense…yeah, they’re gonna do a few things which fail to re-instill confidence. Huskers 48 Fightin’ Hawks 23