This is not a mocking of our fine base but rather a celebration of the coping mechanism which keeps attendance streaks and Twitter rants alive. In Nebraska, we don’t just believe in magic. We rationalize exactly why we believe the magic will happen.
Yes, the actual game results are usually as stupid and disappointing as magic is, but whatever. Lather, rinse, repeat and then make an off-season of it, you filthy animals.
Naturally, the best lies are born of Husker philosophers with livers like a slab of Jack’s Links. And why is that? Because their thought processes have been corrupted with the influence of sweet alcohol. It is the elixir which can take you away from the mundane and imbue in you wisdom to solve the world’s problems. It gives you wit, charm and the courage to climb Everest. That loud asshole at the end of the bar built like The Ultimate Warrior? As soon as you finish your story and polish off that shot of Kessler, you’re putting him DOWN.
And finally and most importantly it fills your heart with not just the optimism that everything will turn out fine but the creativity to put into words exactly why this is a certainty and not just a pipe dream.
Casey Thompson will not just play! He and Trey Palmer will absolutely shred the Wolverines!! (Drink) The line will open holes for Anthony Grant! (Chug) If Casey doesn’t play, Logan will dazzle with his legs! (Shot) The Blackshirts given some rest will shut down Corum!! Mickey will hand out Blackshirts after!! (Drink, chug, belch, another shot, tears of joy)
Of course Sunday morning will find your pounding head draped over a commode as you realize Chubba Purdy started and it was all a damnable lie but you’ll recover in time for Wisconsin. As long as you left The Ultimate Warrior be, anyway. Just hydrate baby.
So to kick this off, I’m going list a few things I’ve read and overheard from others in just the past week or so. Obviously, it entails the thoughts of many who are deeply involved with Trev and the search team :-)
And folks? There’s a comments section below. Add your own lies, false confidences and tweets which fit this mold. There’s no shortage of any of them:
LIES WE TELL OURSELVES: THE 2022 VERSION
“I know the ground game is crap, but I feel like the pass blocking isn’t too bad.”
“Mickey Joseph/Gary Patterson/Matt Ruhle are about to be hired - Board of Regents voting anytime.”
“If we’d just pound the the ball 60 times/game, we’d be back in two years.”
“HAHAHAHA Iowa sucks! We’ve totally got ‘em this year!”
“Big coach hiring announcement coming! 24-48 hours from now!
Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday WednesdayWisconsin Week guaranteed!!”
And a few tweets:
This is what happens when theres’s shots and cocaine for breakfast.
Prediction: This is the week that Nebraska football finally turns the corner after so many years of frustration. Are you ready, Husker Nation?— Brad Dickson (@brad_dickson) November 7, 2022
Yes, yes, THIS would be reason to drop the “I’ll never watch them again” hammer. Also, Bo, I don’t think is going to get you that coveted blue check.
If Nebraska hires Matt Rhule over Mickey Joseph I might never watch another Nebraska football game— Bo Pelini (@elcharroUV) November 4, 2022
Somebody’s Mickey Thursday sources were wrong. Was Mickey hired full-time or fired
Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday? Or Wisconsin week?
As we suspected, sources close to me confirm, Micky Joseph is OUT as the #huskers football coach. No immediate signs as to who is next up, but changes in Lincoln are happening and they are happening fast. #Nebraska #Joseph @HuskerFBNation— Ron Stockton (@RonStocktonUNL) November 7, 2022
They’re happening very fast everyone so stay tuned. (Jesus was quickly unverified after posting this.)
Who has two thumbs and verified?— Jesus Christ (@jesus) November 9, 2022