Mike: Week zero didn’t count.... right?????
Patrick: Nebraska should move to the triple option. They’ve never tried it before and I think it would work. The fans will like it because it has the word “option” in it.
Nate M: Start spreading the news; I’m leaving today; I want to be a part of it; New York, New York; These vagabond shoes; They are longing to stray; Right through the very heart of it; New York, New York
Jill: At least I still have the Jackrabbits.
Andy: Welcome to No Win Situation Week here at CN. And good morning! Why don’t we all assume the lotus position and take a few moments to reflect on the link between excessive 11am kickoffs and the long-term effects of repeated day drinking on Fall Saturdays.
Enough of that shit. On to the picks.
Texas-San Antonio (+6) at Illinois
Patrick: University of Texas-San Antonio 31 University of Illinois 27
Nate M: I want to wake up in a city; That never sleeps; And find I’m king of the hill; Top of the heap; These small town blues; They are melting away; I’ll make a brand new start of it; In old New York
Illinois by 24.
Jill: San Antonio is a beautiful city. I’ve never been to Champaign, but Chicago is pretty awesome. Illinois wins this one by a lot more than six methinks. Illini 34 UTSA 18
Mike: This is a trap game for Bert and the Illini. UTSA has 21 returning starters from a team that lost by one score to BYU and Louisiana in 2020. Illinois 28, UTSA 27
Andy: Good luck to the Riverwalkers and sincerest wishes the 14 chili dogs Bert sucked down for his pre-game meal last night left him hunched in agony over a public bar toilet until closing. UTSA will pull the upset because one more pie in face from last week’s upset is what we all need. UTSA 22 Ilinois 21
Indiana (+3.5) at Iowa
Patrick: Indiana University 21 University of Iowa 17
Nate M: If I can make it there; I’ll make it anywhere; It’s up to you; New York, New York
Indiana wins by 14.
Jill: If Indiana’s Penix is fixed, I like the Hoosiers. But Iowa has a way of winning stuff when they aren’t supposed to. (Still picking the Hoosiers) Indiana 4 Iowa 2
Mike: Tom Allen has built the foundation of his program on disrespect. (See complaints in 2019 about Nebraska or last season about not being invited to the Big Ten Championship football game.) Well, Vegas is disrespecting Indiana here, and this time, the disrespect is real. Hoosiers 38, Squawkeyes 24.
Andy: As much as it pains me, I feel a run of teams not used to dealing with expectations of success crumbling under said weight (see Carolina, University of North). Iowa’s fans may be slow-witted an have an unhealthy attraction to farm stock but their football teams have a way ruining big dreams (see State, Ohio). Hawkeyes 27 Hoosiers 23
Penn State (+5) at Wisconsin
Patrick: University of Wisconsin 14 Pennsylvania State University 12
Nate M: New York, New York; I want to wake up in a city; That doesn’t sleep; And find that I’m number one; Top of the list; Head of the heap; King of the hill
Wisconsin wins by 10
Jill: I like Wiscy in this one, but I feel like I should pick Penn State just because Patrick, Nate and I have agreed on all the other games. But I won’t. Wisconsin 28 Penn State 24
Mike: I think oddsmakers bought into the hype of guys like Phil Steele, predicting Penn State to bounce back to double-digit wins. I’m not sure I see that...especially against a Wisconsin team that had a bunch of injuries last season after an amazingly hot start. Badgers 38, Nitts 24
Andy: I think Penn State could win this game, but I still find nothing redeeming about that freakish hill town statue-worshipping perverts. Graham Mertz will again toss several opening game TD’s before - again - parlaying his success into a night on the town which ends with another case of Covid and a couple of paternity suits. Wiscy 33 JoePa U 27
Clemson (-3) vs. Georgia at Charlotte
Patrick: Clemson University 27 University of Georgia 24
Nate M: These little town blues; They’ve all melted away; I’m gonna make a brand new start of it; In old New York
Georgia wins by 6.
Jill: Did someone tell Jawja that ES EE SEE teams aren’t supposed to schedule good teams in the non-con? I’m having a hard time making my mind up on this one... Clemson 24 Georgia 22
Mike: I’m trying to understand why you’d play huge non-conference games in smaller NFL stadiums. It’s a two game series: one in Charlotte and one in Atlanta. People are starting to question Kirby Smart for some reason. Georgia 34, Clempson 31
Andy: The CFP produces more games like this where teams can schedule homerun swing match-ups early on which we be one hell of gold star of the selection committee but not eliminate you right then if you lose but put up a good showing. Strap in for hell of a ride. JT Daniels throws his name into the Heisman ring as - UGA 34 Climpsun 30
Fordham (+40) at Nebraska
Patrick: University of Nebraska 21 Fordham University 3
Nate M: And; If I can make it there; I’ll make it practically anywhere; It’s up to you; New York, New York New York
Nebraska wins by 50.
Jill: Matt Masker looks like the second coming of the Turminator as he slices and dices the Fordham defense in the fourth quarter. The calls for him to be the starter grow exponentially (if everyone loves the backup, guess how much they love the fourth guy?) We learn nothing about Nebraska but the call-in show hosts get a short repreive from listening to angry armchair coaches. Nebraska 45 Fordham 18
Mike: I had higher hopes for this game and this season...then last Saturday happened. I still hope we see more of the younger kids than the established starters, and that’ll keep the points down. My original thoughts this summer of 73-6 have been reduced to Huskers 38, Fordham 10.
Andy: Vince Lombardi ain’t comin’ out of that locker room. Enjoy the food, the drink, friends and (HOPEFULLY) and low blood-pressure Husker victory. Buffalo may make it rise again next week. Huskers 47 Fordham 7