Mike: So which Nebraska team will show up this weekend? The five loss version or the team that Vegas slotted as a touchdown-plus favorite over the Boilermakers.
Jill: If I knew that Mike, I’d take all my Corn Nation money, place a bet and retire insanely rich...oh wait
Patrick: Everything I know about what a boilermaker is I learned from the movie A River Runs Through It.
Nate M: “This isn’t where I parked my car.”
Andy: I love Eurotrip! Let the Vandersexxx begin!!!
Iowa (+3.5) at Wisconsin
Mike: Two great defenses. Two putrid offenses. This one might be decided by a defensive score, and because Iowa is more likely to throw the ball than Wisconsin... Bucky 19, Squawkeyes 12
Jill: You are just torturing us with this one Mike. No one will win. Least of all the people who have to watch this. I can see this one ending in a 2-0 score. /Flips coin. Fine, Wiscy gets the “win”.
Patrick: University of Iowa 5 University of Wisconsin 3
Nate M: “Oh, here it is. Bratislava. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. Oh, here’s a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man!”
Iowa should win this game IMO. In fact, they do. They will. Book it.
Andy: I don’t care for the Iowegians. As a people. I find themm….annoying. But to be honest, I’m not a big fan of cheese-loaded Badgers with 20” of neck fat, either. This has all the makings of another 1960’s-era Big 10 “classic” and Iowa proves that whole “we’re #2!” Thing was just odd. Wisconsin 13 Iowegia 9
Michigan (-4.5) at Michigan State
Mike: Big Brother/Little Brother. I suspect this game means more to Sparty than Michigan....but Michigan’s the Big Brother for a reason. Weasels 27, Sparty 21
Jill: This one might be a good game with competent football and such. Who knew that could happen in 2021? /Flips coin again. /Again. Since no one is keeping track, I’ll go with the home team. Sparty 24 Wolverines 21
Patrick: University of Michigan 27 Michigan State University 24
Nate M: “This is DEFINITELY where I parked my car.”
This will be a much more visually appealing game compared to Iowa/Wisconsin. I’ll probably pull for Michigan State but I think Michigan wins by a touchdown.
Andy: Michigan jumps out to an early 10-0 lead then remembers they were born to disappoint. Michigan St. ties it up late then runs a reverse to a deep post to Kenneth Walker who cuts up after the pitch. An uncalled illegal motion causes W’il Jimmy Harbawl to stomp ‘n’ yell and later call the Spartans “cheaters” but it’s Michy State’s day 31-24.
Minnesota (-7.5) at Northwestern
Mike: Northwestern is ... not good. Boat rowin’ time on Lake Michigan. Goofers 26, NW 10
Jill: No coin flip needed here. Minnesota 27 Northwestern 7
Patrick: University of Minnesota 42 Northwestern University 21
Nate M: “This is just so brutal, and yet I can’t look away.”
I so so so hope Northwestern beats Minnesota but I just don’t see it happening. Minnesota by two scores.
Andy: Welp, it’s an even numbered week, so Northwestern’s due and why would Minnesota help at all by winning next game. Wildkitties 17 Goof Bastards 16
Rutgers (-1.5) at Illinois
Mike: Penn State now knows the pain of losing to the Illini. I don’t think Rutgers is going to sleepwalk through this one. Rutgers 28, Illini 16
Jill: Ughh. It would be fun to think the Illini suddenly became a good team. Actually, no it wouldn’t. Go Fighting Vedrals! Rutgers 21 Illinois 15
Patrick: Rutgers University 21 University of Illinois 17
Nate M: “Dear sweet mother of God... we’re in Eastern Europe!”
I think Bert should run his jumbo package for an entire game. One quarterback. One running back. Nine linemen.
Illinois wins by 10.
I swear to God, anybody throws me against the boards and makes me watch this game, I’m gonna piss all over myself. Rutgers 18 Illinois 15
Purdue (+7.5) at Nebraska -
Mike: Purdue’s offense is one dimensional, and frankly, that dimension is David Bell. One of the best players in the conference, to be sure, but still, other than tight end Payne Durham, the Purdue offense hasn’t been terribly potent. This should be a good matchup for the Huskers, who desperately need to find a way to win one of these games. Huskers 35, Boilers 20
Jill: Smart coaches know they just have to break out something new and different to outfox the Husker coaching staff. David Brohm is a smart coach. The problem is, I’m not sure they have the horses (i.e. quarterbacks) to come up with a novel game plan. The Boilers have a pretty decent defense and I’m not sure I’m buying the line that Adrian is 100%. Yep, I’m still traumatized by the Huskers and the meltdown in Minneapolis reminded me why. Can I submit my pick at halftime instead?
No? Fine. Here goes. Nebraska gets off to a slow start as Aidan O’Connell converts scramble after scramble for first downs anytime David Bell is covered. Karlaftis makes Adrian’s life miserable as he beats Benhart and whatever sacrificial tight end or running back is placed on the right to “help”. The Husker offense sputters and the defense seems to be a step behind the Boilers through 2 1⁄2 quarters. Nebraska figures stuff out out near the end of the third but are in a 10 point hole by then. They mount a comeback and have a chance to take the lead in the waning moments of the game. [Choose your own adventure time].
If you think the Huskers have turned the corner and find a way to get the score - choose option A. If you think the Huskers are what they are and either a turnover or poor pass protection dooms the comeback, choose option B. /Flips coin. The Huskers have to prove they’ve become a team that knows how to win before I pick them. I’m going with Option B.
Patrick: University of Nebraska 15 Purdue University 9
Nate M: “Europe is officially the worst country on earth.”
I mean, at this point who knows what is going to happen. The only thing to hang their hat on is the bye week. Hopefully they are healthier and have had time to work on their four minute offense and two minute offense. It would be even better if they didn’t end up needing either of them.
Nebraska wins by 10 only because if it’s a one score game then I am guessing Purdue wins.
“According to DraftKings Sportsbook, Nebraska is a 7.5-point favorite”
Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.
Andy: Last week, I was completely oblivious to the fact the Huskers were playing their 8th straight game, were dinged up, were going from three straight night games at home to a morning game in Minneapolis and were probably flattened out more than they’d ever admit by the sudden death of DC Erik Chinander’s father.
This weekend, the Huskers are a team who has had two weeks to heal up while Purdue’s coming a off of a pretty physical stretch in which they’ve been unable to score more than 13 points in 4 of their last 5 games.
Surprisingly, it’s Purdue’s defense who has been salty but so has ours and our offense has been putting up some yards. And despite the problems against Minnesota, they are 3rd in the conference in red zone TD%. Purdue has David Bell, but with the exception of a broken coverage, he was kept mostly in check last year and now there is no Rondale Moore to keep coverages honest. Aidan O’Connell has put up some yards but he has an interception problem and is a statue in the pocket - there will be no magic escape acts.
I’m trusting the bookies on this one. Huskers 29 Boilermakers 17. Lead on, Vinnie!
(NSFW - Not Safe for anything, really)