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Monday Flakes: What I’ve Learned About Covid-19 (Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Hydroxychloroquine)

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Everyone needs guidance now and then

University of Nebraska Hires New Head Coach Photo by Eric Francis/Getty Images

A lot has happened over the past few months of 2020. Covid-19 has come into our lives and transformed them forever. The outbreaks, hospitalizations, and shutdowns have done a number on all of us across the country and world.

Below are a few observations that I have learned over time and I believe that everyone should have a better understanding of what we are dealing with so I will share them with you today. Hopefully they will help you make sense of what is going on. These are difficult times and we need to help each other out as much as possible.

  1. Snakes don’t have arms, that’s why they don’t wear vests.
  2. Celery is a useless food.
  3. The dollar menu at a fast food restaurant is usually no worse than anything else on the menu.
  4. No one likes Kale. If they do, they’re lying.
  5. Essential oils just smell good. That’s it, they do nothing else.
  6. Making your own deodorant just gives your family a lifetime of jokes at your expense.
  7. Getting old just means stretching more.
  8. Qdoba and Chipotle are the same place.
  9. Cut your nails.
  10. Boss pedals are great and there is nothing wrong with them. You don’t always need true bypass. You probably don’t even know what true bypass is.
  11. Just because you put the lotion on the skin, doesn’t mean you won’t get the hose again. I can’t stress this enough people.
  12. Philadelphia smells
  13. Run
  14. Don’t be a menace to south central while drinking your juice in the hood.
  15. Spay and neuter your pets.
  16. What, me worry?
  17. Don’t take Metamucil unless you really need to.
  18. Kevin Smith
  19. Peanut butter and hot sauce go well together.
  20. Godfathers and Valentino's are the same pizza but with different sauce.
  21. The desert changes you.
  22. Julia Roberts is annoying.
  23. Day drinking is better than night drinking.
  24. I miss the Shutdown Fullcast and it’s crew.
  25. Maynard James Keenan was right.
  26. It’s not Pelini’s fault.
  27. It’s not how far you go, it’s how go you far.
  28. Kirk Herbstreet, Paul Finebaum, & Colin Cowherd are usually right whether you like it or not. Skip Bayless just likes to talk.
  29. Runza onion rings are not good. The dipping sauce that goes with it is useless.
  30. Let your aging relatives eat and drink whatever they want. They’ve deserved it. Unless they don’t.....
  31. Joe Rogan just knows how to ask the right questions.
  32. Tim Miles did more for Nebraska than you will ever know or understand.
  33. We need South Park now more than ever. Unfortunately, life is more absurd and getting more so at a quicker rate than they can write at this moment.
  34. The Witcher isn’t anything like Game of Thrones, it’s better.
  35. Rush is overrated.
  36. Go, big papa.
  37. The sports supplement industry is a sham.
  38. Be nice
  39. It’s not Callahan’s fault.
  40. Pass go
  41. Gibson likes to make mistakes.
  42. Fly fishing is an art.
  43. Spam has a bad rap.
  44. Bouncing Souls
  45. When in doubt, add mayo.
  46. Don’t forget to water. (going outside to water after I write that)
  47. You need a healer.
  48. Don’t upset a librarian.
  49. Uwe Boll might have been ahead of his time.
  50. Everybody to the limit!

Mankilling Mastodons

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Other News From The Sporting World

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Atlanta Braves not changing name, looking at 'chop' celebration
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Maryland suspends football workouts after nine individuals test positive for coronavirus - Baltimore Sun
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Nebraska Shrine Bowl's top defensive player embodies South's strategy: fast and physical | NE Prep Zone | omaha.com
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Blue Jays exploring playing home games in Buffalo, per report
MLB's only international franchise may need to temporarily relocate to the states for the upcoming shortened season.

Sherman: How playing only Big Ten games could impact Nebraska – The Athletic
Huskers officials praised the league's plan Thursday, but many details are unknown and plenty of questions remain.

College football’s leaders are answering the wrong questions - Banner Society
The football part’s not safe until the college part is.

Lafayette's and Lehigh's football schedules in a shambles due to coronavirus pandemic - The Morning Call
Lafayette's and Lehigh's football schedules in a shambles due to coronavirus pandemic and the Ivy League canceling its fall sports seasons.

Big Ten football: South Dakota State's game at Nebraska canceled
The Big Ten announced Thursday that it is going to a 10-game, conference-only football schedule this fall.

Big Ten conference only schedule: Cincinnati at Nebraska game off for now
The Cincinnati football team will no longer play Nebraska in 2020 after the Big Ten announced conference-only schedules for its fall sports teams.

Central Michigan stands to lose millions with no Big Ten opponents
Big Ten football teams had been scheduled to play 33 non-conference games at home, meaning millions will be lost in payouts to visiting teams.

Yellow Journalism

Sealed copy of Super Mario Bros. breaks record for most expensive game ever sold - The Verge
A mint copy of the original 1985 Super Mario Bros. just sold for $114,000 at an auction, breaking the record for the most expensive game ever sold and surpassing last year’s $100,150 auction for a copy of the game of similar quality.

Auditory Enlightenment

(watch through the credits)