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Stupid Stories: The Day I Became One Of The “Usual Suspects”

Teachers Make A Difference!

The Hellions Photo by LMPC via Getty Images

If could chose one word to describe me as a child, it would be “hellion”. I was a burst of energy. I was constantly on the go and a mouthy turd of a child. I was sure to be involved were there troublemaking at hand.

One day in second grade, several of my friends decided to get into a snowball fight during recess. This was, of course, against the rules. Even back then, no snowball fighting. I decided to stay out of the ruckus as I didn’t want to get into trouble.

My second grade teacher, Mrs. Stukenholtz, stopped said snowball fight. She rounded up all the perpetrators and sent them inside. They were ordered to write a 500 word essay on some damned thing. The subject doesn’t matter. 500 words doesn’t sound like a lot when you’re an adult, but when you’re in second grade, 500 words might as well be a life sentence.

I thought I was in the clear. I was still outside, still having fun, enjoying my recess from the rigors of second grade, when Mrs. Stukenholtz saw me and said, “Jon, weren’t you one of the kids I sent inside?”

“No, I wasn’t in the snowball fight. I didn’t want to get into trouble.”

“Jon, I know you were involved in that snowball fight. You go inside and you write that 500 word essay with the rest of them.”

I protested further.

“I wasn’t in the snowball fight.”

It did not change my fate.

Mrs. Stukenholtz insisted. “Jon, go inside and write the essay. You know you were involved.”

I was not, but it didn’t make a damned bit of difference. My sentence had been handed out.

I turned to go into the school, then I stopped and uttered a line that would change the course of my life forever.

”If I’m going to get blamed for everything, I’m going to go ahead and do it.”

Thus began my journey has one of the “usual suspects” for the rest of my life. I was involved wherever there was mischief. I was sent to the principal’s office seven times as a junior in high school (perhaps another story or two). As a senior, I was convicted of the heinous crime of criminal mischief, had to pay restitution, and sentenced to an alcohol program (a book that will likely never be published because I haven’t figured out how to do it without being sued).

One time after a party my best friend and I slept in the same bed together because we knew some Tom Foolery was at hand and the police were sure to question us about it the next day. Sure enough, the next day, the police brought me in for questioning.

This is how it went.

“Can you tell us where you were last night?”

“I was in bed with Timothy Robbins (not his real name).”

The two deputies looked at each other, kinda funny like.

“And he was in bed with you all night?”

“Yes, he was.”

Timothy Robbins (not his real name) told me later that the police brought him in as well. You can guess how that went.

“Can you tell us where you were last night?”

“I was in bed with Jon Johnston.”

“And he was in bed with you all night?”

“Yes, he was.”

That’s how life is as a “usual suspect”.

Teachers! They make a difference!

What teachers have made a difference in your life? Let us know in the comments section.