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CornNation Loses Your Money: Huskers vs. Colorado

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The CN think tank is back with college football predictions sure to land you in the poor house.

Exploring Cherokee North Carolina Photo by George Rose/Getty Images

Mike: Well, we all missed badly on the Huskers game... except for Andy, who insists that we actually started our 4th string offensive line, thus explaining the multiple eff-ups that shrunk the margin of victory.

Uglydog56: Hey, I'm claiming my Husker prediction as a win. They won, but not nearly as big as we thought we they would, it was sloppy, and there's a bunch of stuff to clean up. I'm Nostradamus!

Patrick: It’s food week!

Jill: My score prediction looked sort of okay for a while in the third quarter. Maybe.

Nate M: Sigh

SpartyOnHuskers: Glad to be here. First week officially “on staff” so my record is perfect thus far, right?

Brianna: I missed out on predictions last week as well, so I think that means I made some great predictions.

Andy: What Mike said. That’s my story & I’m sticking to it. Oh yeah - it’s Colorado week. Let me invite all the piss-tossing, bottle-chucking, dog-kicking, low down Buffy fans along with their unshaven, quasi-human life partners to perform sex acts on each other which involve goa- (remainder deleted by editor followed by a 20-minute hot shower.)

LSU (-6.5) at Texas

Keith: LSU ticked up to 6.5, Texas on the money line at +190 looks awfully tempting. I just will never believe in Joe Burrow. Texas with the over cashing at 55 as well.

Uglydog56: I'd say fuck Texas, but I wouldn't fuck Texas with your dick and him pushing. Fuck Texas!

Patrick: I like Cajun food. Louisiana State University 17 University of Texas 9

Jill: I want LSU to win because Ed Orgeron victory soundbytes are one of the best things about college football. LSU: 28, Longhorns: Less than 28

Nate M: LSU I guess.

SpartyOnHuskers: I got invited to go to this game with my LSU buddy. My schedule didn’t work out to go in the end. Looking at the forecast of 102 in the afternoon for tailgating and 93 at kickoff I couldn’t be happier. Oh, and fuck Texas. Coach Oeaux gets the W. LSU 13 Texas 7

Brianna: LSU. Choosing Texas to win seems like a terrible choice. I’m still bitter from 2009. LSU 27 Texas 10

Mike: Joe Burrow vs. his former offensive coordinator. LSU with twice as many returning starters as Texas. Texas is, of course, Texas. Geaux Tigers 34, Bovines 20

Andy: One might think a bunch of blade-wielding Cajuns and conceal & carry guardians of the 2nd Amendment could cause a little blood to run in the gutters of Austin on Saturday night, but quite frankly, I doubt they’ll understand a damn word the other says.

Husker legacy Joe Burrow keeps the offense humming and LSU leaves with a 31-26 victory. Geaux Tigers.

Minnesota (-3.5) at Fresno State

Uglydog56: Fresno State may have acquitted themselves well against USC, but I just don't think USC is that good. However, as a retired Navy man, I take exception to people who exploit boats for their own personal gain. Bulldogs by a field goal, raising oar abuse awareness nationally.

Patrick: I like snacks on sticks. University of Minnesota 23 Fresno State University 21

Jill: The Gophers are smarting a bit from their tussle with the Jackrabbits. I think they come out and look quite a bit better this week. Gophers 31 Fresno 18

Nate M: Minnesota - cause of reasons.

SpartyOnHuskers: Fresno is not near the ocean, great lakes, or major rivers. Oars won’t do well here as a result, but with enough struggle perhaps Fleck can still row sprint down the sideline to victory. Rodents 21 Fresno 17

Brianna: Minnesota is still going to struggle and Fresno is going to have just enough to beat them. Fresno 21 Minnesota 20

Mike: Fresno gave Southern Cal all they wanted last week. Likewise, South Dakota State gave Minnesota all they wanted as well. Fresno nearly upset Minnesota last year in Minneapolis last year; the Bulldogs will get their revenge. Fresno 31, Gophers 20

Andy: It doesn’t scream marquee matchup but it has the potential to be a good one. You can’t base everything on one game, but right now Nebraska’s not the only team that may have been overrated a tad. Fresno 34 Goofers 27

Vanderbilt (+7) at Purdue

Uglydog56: I picked Vandy to win the SEC, but just because I picked them to beat Bama doesn’t mean I think they can beat Rondale Moore. Trains are cooler than boats. Train conductors will blow their whistles for little kids traveling in station wagons on summer vacations when you pass them. Boats? No way, they’re too busy making you field day the bilges. As a retired submariner, I know just how uncool boats can be. Boilermakers by 10+.

Patrick: I like Nashville hot chicken. Vanderbilt University 31 Purdue University 28

Jill: Purdue gave up 17 points to Nevada in the fourth quarter to lose by three last weekend. Oof. If the Boilers find a run game, they could be dangerous. Even if they don’t, I like them at home. Purdue 34 Vandy 32

Nate M: Purdue - cause of the fast guy I guess.

SpartyOnHuskers: S-E-Losers in this one. Choo-Choo express hurls through the Commodore’s hull and sinks her like the #VolNavy last Saturday. Purdue 28 Vanderbilt 14

Brianna: Purdue is going to bounce back from that Nevada game and come through with a solid win here. Purdue 35 Vanderbilt 17

Mike: If Purdue’s Elijah Sindelar can just throw more passes to Rondale than the defense this week, they’ll get an SEC pelt. Of course, they couldn’t do that last week. Boilers 35, Commies 27

Andy: I’ll be your huckleberry. Georgia’s a buzzsaw and Purdue may not be ready to make that leap. Vandy 27 Shot & a Beer 23

Stanford (+1) at Southern Cal

Uglydog56: This spread somewhat surprises me. Clay Helton just isn’t the right answer at USC. This season is the nadir of his tenure there. His loss to Stanford starts the spiral into the maelstrom of unemployment, where he will be rescued by Nick Saban and paid to devise a method to improve Crimson Tide football cleat shoestring tying times by .8 seconds.

Patrick: I like...trees. Stanford University 17 University of Southern California 9

Jill: I am surprised by this point spread too. I’m also getting too old to stay up and watch PAC12AfterDark so I probably won’t know until Sunday if I’m right or wrong. Tree by a touchdown.

Nate M: Stanford starts 2-0 with wins over Northwestern and USC. I just wish Nebraska could start 2-0.

SpartyOnHuskers: Burn that stupid band mascot already Cardinal. Also, why is it never “Cardinals” plural? It’s always “[redacted due to aOSU] Cardinal,” even when referring to a team of plural players. Stanford 10 USC 3 Tears of Aunt Becky Priceless

Brianna: One of the reasons that I like Stanford is because they are always just the Cardinal. I’ve been a fan (well kind of) ever since I discovered that at BWW’s. Stanford 21 USC 14

Mike: I think Fox was hoping this would be the first #Pac12BeforeDawn game. Tree 23, Condoms 17

Andy: Pac-12 After Dark. For those of us who can’t just go to bed. Although Stanford’s offense will put you to sleep. Fightin’ Rubbers 22 Tree 17

Nebraska (-3.5) at Colorado

Uglydog56: This game worries me. The spread has rapidly closed from -7 to -3.5. That bespeaks a lack of confidence in the Big Red Machine. The Huskers will be starting the same redshirt freshman center and same ineffectual outside linebackers they did last game. I predict 14,876 Husker fans in the stands, 942 bags of piss and 22,422 aluminum drink cups thrown at them. Colorado QB Steven Montez comes out from the bottom of the pile in a scrum with an inexplicably twisted knee. Chippiness abounds. At least one player from each team gets ejected for unsportsmanlike conduct. All the Nebraska sportswriter devote more space to nostalgic memories of former games than the one just played. Huskers in a squeaker.

Patrick: I like... University of Colorado 34 University of Nebraska 21

Jill: This one worries me too. Husker players seem to be carrying a grudge about the knee-twisting incident last year. Stuff like that turns into a distraction rather than helping a team. The issues we saw on the offensive line are not going away soon. I also think that what we saw from the linebackers vs South Alabama might be par for the course this season. I hope I’m wrong. I’m still going to pick the Huskers but I think it takes another week of havoc stats from the Blackshirts and a lucky break on offense (the luck that eluded us last season) to do it. Huskers by 4. Aww hell, it’s Friday and I’m done with work!!! Blackshirts continue havoc. The offense takes a step forward. Good guys by two touchdowns.

Nate M: Frost said we will find out this week whether the anemic offensive output last week was an outlier, or if it will be a trend we will see throughout the season. Until I see differently, I expect it to be a trend. Nebraska loses by 10.

Sigh.

SpartyOnHuskers: One team will score 49 and the losing team will score 35. Book it.

Brianna: You guys really brought me down with this one. My mood just went from 8 to 0. I’m going to have to disagree. This is where we see that although our Kool-aid may be spiked a little, it’s still pretty good. Nebraska 35 Colorado 14

Mike: Between trying to make amends for last week’s offensive turd and righting the wrongs of last year’s finish, I think Nebraska bounces back strong this week. NU trying to get back to being NU; CU still CU. Huskers 38, Puffs 21

Andy: Every time Bill McCartney opens his face, I’m reminded why organized religion just gives me a giant case of red ass.

The McCartney era in Boulder was one of the strangest social milkshakes in college sports history. Here you had an Old Testament spouting right-wing-religious hypocrite hired by one of the most lefty universities in country. He soon brought in a roster of talented criminals and unleashed them on an unsuspecting student body.

They won games, showed similar skills with assault, gunplay & felonious dating techniques and even snagged a dubious national title (cough, cough 5th down, no clipping).

Later, Bill moved on to a religious movement who’s basic intention was to put wimmen folk in their place again. Good riddance.

Oh, the game.

It’s not a repeat of the 1992 52-7 Buffalo drubbing but Mo Washington in action for a full game along with improved snapwork gets the offense righted. Chinander’s D gets three more turnovers which cancel out some explosive moments out of Montez and company. Huskers prevail 41-31 and the universe is in tune once more.