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Five Reasons Nebraska Will Lose: Ohio State

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Jim Delaney’s Swan Song Proves As Disastrous As Herbstreit’s Runza Food Coma

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: NOV 25 Alabama at Auburn Photo by Chip Dillard/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

The Big Ten Conference Will Assure Nebraska Will Lose


Note that this is Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany’s last season as commish before he retires. Note also that the Big Ten has not been in the COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS the last two seasons.

Why?

Because the biggest and baddest, an Ohio State University, has fallen upon their buttocks against a Big Ten West division opponent on the road the last two seasons. We’re not talking about a “whoopsie” fall on your ass, either. We’re talking about a flying in the air, bouncing down concrete stairs on your ass because that’s what you call it when you lose to Iowa 55-24 and then follow it up the next season by losing to Purdue 49-20.

You really think Mr. Delany wants to go 0-3 in his last three years as the head guy without getting his conference into the playoffs?

Big Jim will make sure that the calls go the way of the Buckeyes. You know how you believe the Big Ten refs are against your team?

This week they are.

Blackshirt Alternates Are Cursed


Nebraska has a sick looking blackshirt alternate jersey, and they are guaranteed to be wearing them under the lights in prime-time this Saturday. Its history, however, is dismal and the impending use of the alternate this Saturday will continue the sad curse.

While the above alternate is a new take on the classic blackshirts history, the fact is these jersey alternates are 0-2 in their existence on Saturdays. While the concept seems cool, clearly it is cursed and the use of them against the Buckeyes continues the losing streak.

Scott Frost Does Not Upset Top Ten Teams Not Named Auburn


In case you didn’t catch the latest AP ranking, Auburn is ranked 7th this week. This is important to note because Scott Frost as a head coach beat one team, and one team only, that has been ranked higher in the AP than his own. That team was in fact #7 Auburn in the Peach Bowl.

If Nebraska was hosting Auburn, we might be predicting a win given facts in evidence. an Ohio State is ranked 5th, and obviously they are not named Auburn and they are not coached by Gus Malzahn. Hence no new upsets will be made by Coach Frost Saturday night among the Sea of Red.

Lee Corso, and the Entire Game Day Crew Including Herbstreit, Pick the Huskers


Talk about a pure gut punch of bad luck. Lee Corso picking Nebraska to win? Eh, maybe it proves not ruinous. The whole freaking cast? Absolute kiss of death.

We are doomed. Herbstreit enters a self-induced food coma after scarfing down countless Runza’s during commercial breaks until he is so full of their warmth and meaty goodness, he lovingly declares himself a Cornhusker for life. The rest of the Gameday cast, moved by his tear filled confession of new fandom allegiance, join ranks and curse our beloved Huskers into a repeat of our last time hosting GameDay in 2007.

Dedrick Mills Has Exhausted His Hand Strength


After holding onto a football, and probably even sleeping with one all week, Mills has completely exhausted his muscular strength in his hands for the game. For all the hoopla about Training Table, the simple fact is Mills’ nutrition program never relied on him needing the protein and caloric intake necessary to maintain muscular integrity in his hands for an entire week worth of intense football security practice. As a result, his muscles have grievously deteriorated in his hands the latter half of this week.

So come Saturday night, after holding the ball all day long, Mills’s hands finally give out. Given the bulk of the carries because of Washington being out injured, Mills fumbles the ball every time a defender makes contact with him. Unlike Illinois, the Buckeyes have the talent to capitalize on short field space to make Scott Frost walk over 700 yards in Jim Harbaugh’s khaki’s as we repeat last year’s “game,” but this time with the Huskers on the receiving end.