Mike: If NU is ever going to break this road losing streak, it has to happen this week... RIGHT???
Uglydog56: Northwestern plays at home this week, how are they going to accomplish that? Oh, you mean Nebraska. Huskers lost the U in overtime last season, Mike.
Jill: Plus, if Nebraska wins, it is the 900th “W” in program history. The fact that we’re nervous about going on the road to Illinois says a lot about the state of the program and the rough start to the season.
Nate M: First time Nebraska is a double-digit favorite on the road since 2013 or 2014 I believe. I could also be making that up, but I thought I heard that somewhere.
SpartyOnHuskers: All of life is but woe and despair as a college football fan. A
horse touchdown! a horse touchdown! my kingdom for a horse touchdown!
Andy: I just want a second consecutive week of not having to sweat the finish. Gimme another 44-8 with Jim Ross on the call - “MAH GAWD! THIS IS A TRAVESTY. SOMEBODY STOP THE DAY-UM MATCH!!!”
Colorado (+7.5) at Arizona State
Uglydog56: Cololololorada is going to purposely tank every game the rest of the season just to spite us. Bastards.
Jill: Yep, the Buffaloes won their Superbowl and they’re taking the rest of the season off. Sun Devils by 10.
Paul: Agree with both above. CU picked up the cursed game from UT. Sun Devils by 13.
Nate M: Colorado is going to get housed.
Mike: Colorado showed up for one quarter the only time they played in front of a hostile crowd this season; they’ll need much more than that to knock off Sparky & Herm. Sparky 38, Puffs 21.
SpartyOnHuskers: A just life would see the Sun Devils stick a magical fork of evil into the Buffalo. But alas, this life is not just and the evil magic of Lord
Sauron Herm Edwards has thrust out his fist too far and will wither and perish against the might of the men of the (not as far as them) west. ASU 17-Colorado 21 (and the PAC-12 refs will screw something major up at some point, too, so 2 points to them)
Andy: The stench of a soul-crushing loss to the dog-ass buffaloes never leaves a man. I think Tony Dungy is more CEO with inspirational sound bytes for every occasion than great football mind, but they’ll have enough to win by 8.
Hold on - add three because fuck Colorado with Andre the Giant’s dick, ASU 33 Buffies 20
Auburn (+4) at Texas A&M
Uglydog56: I don’t care how many cowbells there are, War Eagles are gonna line their nests with them. Jimbo Fisher is overrated. He’s Wal-Mart Urban Meyer.
Jill: Normally, I would take the home team, but this line surprises me. Auburn by 8.
Paul: Every year A&M beats someone they shouldn’t be within miles of. This is not that week. Auburn 34, A&M 21
Nate M: I haven’t really paid much attention to the SEC this year because of reasons. Auburn wins.
Mike: Texas A&M has played some decent defense this year, while Auburn has to bring a true freshman in to face the 12th man. Gaggies 27, War Eagle 21
SpartyOnHuskers: Gus needs to be fired in all reality probably, but sheesh life sucks as an Auburn fan and how do you afford that buyout? I don’t actually know a world where Auburn loses to Texas A&M because I didn’t google that farther than about three years, but my caring about the SEC is almost entirely non-existent. Whatever, Bama and Clemson will play for the title and the rest of us are just useless pawns for their sacrifice. A&M 24-Auburn 28
Andy: Yee haw, an SEC special. Horse racing has the Breeder’s Cup & College Station will be hosting the Inbreeders Cup. The War Eagle contingent will bring their genetically dubious bloodlines to Texas where they’ll confront a bunch of knob-headed geeks in military garb who look like the banjo-playing little gork from Deliverance all growed up.
I’ll take the aTm in this one - aTm 27 Aw-brin 21
Michigan State (-9.5) at Northwestern
Uglydog56: Green vs purple. What a terrible color combination. I think Northwestern will find some scrappy magic and Sparty will not.
Jill: What an ugly ugly game...for the colors as well as the product on the field. Will Sparty bounce back and trounce the Wildcats after an embarrassing loss last weekend or has their will been broken? I think it is a broken program. Wildcats in a close one.
Paul: NwU’s bizarre success in the B1G is done. They are a 6-6 team this year. Sparty by 17.
Nate M: I was going to say that Michigan State shouldn’t be favored until I saw the line. I’m guessing Michigan State wins but doesn’t cover. Will be interesting to watch.
Mike: Have you seen Hunter Johnson? Even against UNLV last week, he couldn’t hit a 50% completion percentage. And now he has to try to do it against Gang Green? Nope. Sparty 24, NW 6.
SpartyOnHuskers: Uglydog, that is the absolute worst color take in the history of bad color palate takes. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul (because he won’t on mine). “Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.” Nah, William, I think you lost me on this one after last week. And to anyone who picks this as more than a field goal difference, lololololololololololol have you learned NOTHING in your 8 previous years in the B1G?! Sparty NO! continues anew-NU wins on a safety or something stupid like quadruple overtime
Andy: I think intangibles is the key word here and they are NOT going to work in Sparty’s favor. D’Antonio is likely is his final days on the job and - JEE-ZUS CHRIST, isn’t it about time to just clear everyone off the Michigan St campus, stuff a civil war’s quantity of TNT around the place and just blow that campus the hell up??!! Northwestern 20 Michigan St 12
Michigan (+3.5) at Wisconsin
Uglydog56: Home Improvement reruns were on the TV this evening for some reason. That’s a sign. Jonathan Taylor Thomas is going to run roughshod over Michigan. Goofy pants and Malcom X glasses are no substitute for actual coaching talent.
Jill: Preseason, I picked Michigan as my Big Ten champ and Wiscy to be third in the West (behind Nebraska and Minnesota). LOL! That is why I never bet actual money. Taylor continues his quest to rack up stats that culminate in a trip to New York. Badgers by 7 (at least).
Paul: Badgers are off to an eye-popping start, and Meatchicken almost lost to my beloved Golden Knights last week. Bucky isn’t that good, and UM isn’t that bad. Bucky wins a close one.
Nate M: Another B1G game that I’m looking forward to watching. Wisconsin looks like world-beaters at this point so we will find out who the real Wisconsin is. If they beat Michigan handily, which I don’t think they will, then they will be the clear cut favorites to win the division. We need Michigan to win.
Mike: I think it’s likely that Wisconsin’s shutout streak ends this week, but even if Harbaugh and company figures out their broken offense, it won’t be enough this week. Badgers 28, Weasels 10.
SpartyOnHuskers: Harbarf has never won as an underdog at Fichigan. The rodents haven’t won at Camp Randall since 2001. That’s almost as bad as the Lions at Green Bay. I’d day the bad streaks continue but God hates me and wants me to be as miserable as possible because he is an evil fire and brimstone old testament being. Rodents 10-Red Rodents 7... J.K. their defense is not great this season, Wisky wins 28-17
Andy: Badgers and weasels & Harbaugh, oh my! I’ll give Michigan credit - they could announce they’re starting The Purge on campus and would still only be the second creepiest Michigan school compared to those perverts in East Lansing. Harbaugh poops the bed again - Wiscy 28 WOLVERINES!!! 22
Nebraska (-12.5) at Illinois
Uglydog56: The Tampa-2 defense is a relic of the past. The only thing impressive in Champaign is the levels of apathy and Lovie Smith’s beard. Lots of Husker offensive stats look much better after this game. Illinois gets yards, but Nebraska gets points and lots of them. I forecast plenty of playing time for backups in this game, and celebratory rather than consolatory drinking by the Corn Nation staff.
Jill: That Illini DL is no joke and our OL is a known problem that defensive coordinators will focus on. They have been making progress and Dedrick Mills is starting to find his stride, but I think the yards inside will be tough to come by this week. I still think Nebraska can take advantage of the Illinois defensive backfield and that the Blackshirts can wreak some havoc again this week. They move up a few notches in the national rankings in takeaways. Huskers cover, but it isn’t quite the blowout we want thanks to an untimely offensive turnover or two.
Paul: It’s freaking Illinois. They lost at home to Eastern Michigan FFS. Huskers make a couple stupid mistakes by still win going away. 45-17.
Nate M: When I saw the line at 9.5 I immediately said to put money on Nebraska. I still feel that way. GBR.
Mike: I’m a little worried that Illinois will be fired up after dropping a turd last week and will bounce back with a much stronger performance. Even if that happens, Nebraska should win this game unless they are thinking too much about next week and the possibility of GameDay coming to Lincoln. Huskers 42, Illini 17.
SpartyOnHuskers: Huskers roll, no question. And best yet, they get the transitive win over Eastern Michigan. Eastern should really change their mascot to “Water-Towers.” Huskers 38- Illinois 13
Andy: I went to Eastern Michigan once. I scored a goal playing floor hockey intramurals, played the Pee Wee Herman drinking game, drank some more and was wholly unimpressed with the campus. What I remember of it anyway.
We’re not losing to a team that just lost to Eastern Michigan. Huskers 47 Illinois 13