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Frosted Flakes: Perfect NCAA Bracket Will End Universe Sooner Than 12 Year Schedule

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Nothing is what you think it is.

UCF v Duke Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

We found the man who has the last perfect bracket in the world. Here’s what he said.

GN: So wait, you’re saying I’m the first person to have ever done this? *Laughing*

NCAA: Correct. As far as we can tell, you’re the first person in the history of the tournament to have ever done this.

He went on to say other things that were expunged in the NCAA interview.

Things like... the world is scheduled to end in 12 years because we’re all living in a simulation. Our simulation is programmed to end at that time. The exact cause is still up in the air, but will be one of the following:

  • Mutated Ebola bird swine monkey flu virus, ala 1918 Spanish Flu on steroids
  • Earth hit by asteroid, meteor, other-worldly objects (from our perspective)
  • Nuclear Holocaust
  • Sentient Artificial Intelligence
  • Millennials (apparently) - he didn’t elaborate on this
  • Elon Musk becomes too irritating
  • Everyone on “Earth” simultaneously getting hit by a car

Our simulation will end earlier IF AND ONLY IF someone beats the odds of 1 in 9.2 quintillion, the calculated odds of having a perfect bracket.

If the simulation ends early, everyone who has ever lived will be given a grade based upon how much of a jerk they were to the people around them while they were alive (in the simulation). The bottom 50% will be dissolved, a la Infinity War. The top 50% will proceed to the next level. The person with the perfect bracket will be automatically given a boost in one grade at the next level, basically giving them both a head start and a leg up on being a jerk and still being able to win the contest.

Levels will continue until reaching the Final 64.

At that point, the Final 64 will be thrown in against each other in a coliseum-type gladiator match, a fight to the death. This isn’t a pairing. This isn’t a one-vs-one. This is 64 people all at once, figuring out that they’re going to have to fight or be finished.

Imagine that... the 64 nicest, most decent humans in history being forced to kill each other for a contest. The quickest to adapt; quickest to realize that what they’ve known their whole lives is a lie is always the winner.

As winner they get to watch the next simulation, as of course, everything starts all over again.

Husker News

Competition Leads the Way for Huskers in Spring Practice No. 8 | Hail Varsity
Nebraska kept score between the offense and the defense on a goal line drill during Wednesday’s practice. Who got the win? Shout out to the defense.

However, it wasn’t entirely about who won and who lost. It was also about the competition between players, which is something Coach Scott Frost has been working to build on the team since he arrived at Nebraska.

Podraza Begins Decathlon at Texas Relays - Huskers.com - Nebraska Athletics Official Web Site
In the event, Zach Podraza represented Nebraska and is currently in 15th place after five events with a total score of 3,617 points.

Stephenson Earns NCAA Gymnast of the Week - Huskers.com - Nebraska Athletics Official Web Site
On Tuesday, Anton Stephenson claimed NCAA Gymnast of the Week, becoming just the third Husker to earn the award following in the footsteps of his brother, Husker alum and All-American, Chris Stephenson. Stephenson, a senior on the Nebraska men’s gymnastics team, adds this award to the Big Ten Gymnast-of-the-Week honor that he earned on Monday.

South Dakota State basketball: As Otzelberger heads to UNLV, 11 possible replacements

After just three seasons, the T.J. Otzelberger era in South Dakota State has ended.

Otzelberger will take over at the University of Nevada-Las Vegas, where he’ll replace the recently fired Marvin Menzies, the university announced Wednesday.

TIMMY!!!!!

Will the AAF really shut down if NFL players don’t step in? - SBNation.com
The AAF’s lead investor says it might shut down without NFL players. Alright, seeya.

Iowa football releases spring depth chart - Black Heart Gold Pants
Looky here!

University of Colorado, MacIntyre agree to contract buyout - The Ralphie Report

The University of Colorado and former head football coach Mike MacIntyre have agreed to a buyout settlement that will pay him $7.238 million over the next two years.

This seems to be a very large buyout for CU, although it’s less than the over $10M they were going to owe him.

Basketball Stuff

Sweet 16 of March Madness: 16 things you should know in 2019 - SBNation.com

The Sweet 16 returns on Thursday and Friday, and the 2019 installment should be fantastic.

I am not that excited for this year’s Sweet 16. Maybe it’s because I have been somewhat of a zombie the past couple weeks. Maybe it’s because there isn’t really an up and coming Cinderella story to root for. Maybe because it’s Duke and North Carolina and this isn’t much different than Clemson and Alabama and Zion Williamson’s name has been mentioned WAY TOO MUCH ALREADY. I GET IT THE GUY IS EXCITING TO WATCH BUT HOLY SHIT CAN YOU GO 30 FUCKING SECONDS WITHOUT BRINGING HIM UP?

Zion Williamson’s shoe explosion, as explained by a biomechanics expert - SBNation.com

A failed shoe became a talking point. Now we know why it happened.

And then I bring up Zion Williamson. Did it take you 30 seconds to notice this?

Men’s basketball: a chat with a Louisiana journalist about the MSU vs LSU match-up - The Only Colors
Hey gang, one of my college buddies - Bryn Stole - is a journalist working down in Louisiana so I figured I would ping him about the MSU vs LSU match-up and to get his take and thoughts on LSU, the Wade situation, etc.

Tourney Preview: Texas Tech, Sweet 16 | mgoblog
Michigan embarks on its third consecutive Sweet 16 with a bear in the crosshairs, but in this year’s tourney everyone has a bear of a game. Once more into the breach.

Then There’s This

Social media has remarkably small impact on Americans’ beliefs, research finds: Facebook users actually more accurate in 2016 election -- ScienceDaily

Social media had only a small influence on how much people believed falsehoods about candidates and issues in the last two presidential elections, a pair of new national studies found.

And Facebook -- which came under fire for spreading misinformation in the 2016 campaign -- actually reduced misperceptions by users in that election compared to those who consumed only other social media.

”But we need to have a broader perspective on the problem. We know that Americans hold beliefs that are not accurate, with frightening regularity. And if social media aren’t the primary driver of this, we really should invest more energy into finding out what else is going on.”

But we’ve made such a big of it

And Finally.... How TO NOT GET THE RESPONSE YOU WANT FROM A SITE MANAGER

I received the following email yesterday from a community member.

I don’t post much here but I like to read comments.

I know you have banned certain individuals for whatever indiscretions they were guilty of.

You now have a commenter who only tries to demean other posters and continually argues with virtually everyone.

I don’t know what your standards are but if this [name redacted] commenter is OK with you then I can get my Husker elsewhere.

I don’t necessarily have a problem with receiving a complaint about a community member, although note that we have flags in the comment section to notify us if there is an issue. There are no such flags with regards to [name redacted].

What I have a problem with is the ultimatum, emphasized above. I don’t do well with ultimatums. Maybe it’s that I never fully grew up. Maybe it’s the problem I still have with authority. It doesn’t matter.

Don’t deliver an ultimatum to me and expect the outcome you’ve requested.

A better way to handle this would be something like... “[Named Redacted] demeans other posters and continually argues with everyone. Could you please look at this?”... at which point, we would have an internal discussion and warn [name redacted] or not on the basis of that discussion.

Make sense?