Mike: Some of these point spreads. Iowa only favored by 15 over Santa? Minnesota only by 13.5 over Northwestern? Sparty only by 20.5 over Rutgers?
SpartyOnHuskers: I’ll be sitting out in the rain in my new corn hat for this game in Maryland’s less than ideal stadium. Frost better get the god damn W. And yeah, 20.5 over Rutgers is a bit... insane. Though the last time they faced Rutgers with a record this bad in November, they won 49-0. So... Oh wait, I have football amnesia. Yay basketball season everybody!
Jill: It has been a weird and interesting football season. Of course, they all are. It’s just that this one has been weird in an unpleasant way.
Nate M: Time to get a win and believe again!
Andy: Listen to me my brothers & sisters!!! All that pain & anguish - it’s about to PAY OFF!! After so MUCH TIME in the darkness, we are about to step into THE LIGHT!! We gonna PUT IT to those turtles!! Gonna make soup out of ‘em and eat it outta their damn shells!! Then those livestock-jumpin’ cross-eyed bucktoothed freaks from Iowa City gonna FALL before us as we become bowl-eligible and Pinstripe-bound - can I get a damned HALLELUJAH!??
Michigan (-9.5) at Indiana
SpartyOnHuskers: F*** Michigan. My cousin is a Hoosier grad. Their stadium is pretty snazzy looking after the latest renovation and I’m excited to bucket-list it at some point. In fact, I’m more excited to bucket-list that Memorial Stadium as it’s not a kill zone like Assembly Hall:
#9winsdiana gets the W over Harbaugh and Patterson after he went off about how they’re looking past this game because we all know how much Indiana dislikes those slights.
Jill: This one might actually be an interesting game. Sorry Sparty, I’m picking the Wolverines. The real question is how many times an Indiana defender falls back to the turf in case Michigan tries to go up-tempo...LOL! Okay, maybe that one won’t happen this week. Michigan 24 Hoosiers 19
Nate M: Indiana has had a great year but they don’t have enough to beat Michigan. However, Michigan does not cover.
Mike: Michigan has been rather hot the last few weeks, so it’s going to take a little more ginned-up outrage to pull off this upset. Khakis 48, Candy Strips 30.
Andy: Sparty - is your cousin a chick? Over 18? Cute? Ah, but I digress. We do agree on Michigan. (The last three letters for those of you Wheel of Fortune fans are “uck”) I think if Indiana played Rape U within a touchdown, they can hang with the perennially underachieving Harbaughs. (Thanks again to Jim for sporting that serial-killer-white-dork chic. The fashion sense look of dude with bodies buried behind the shed) Upset Alert (If Lovie can dough-pop Wiscy, then Hoosier weirdos can further endanger Jimbo - Indiana 35 Weasels 33
Minnesota (-13.5) at Northwestern
SpartyOnHuskers: How is this spread this pathetically low? That’s some grade A Vegas BS right there folks. Gophers 49-NU Wildcats 6
Jill: Vegas is still thinking that Northwestern is going to do their annual “Oh wait, it is time to wake up and play good football” thing? Gophers by 24
Nate M: Maybe we are overselling Minnesota now? Maybe not. Northwestern has the ability to muck things up but they can’t score. Minnesota covers.
Mike: I think Vegas’ expectation is that the Gophers will have to turn to a freshman quarterback in this game with Tanner Morgan possibly still in concussion protocol. Which is all fine, but remember, everybody has seen Northwestern’s quarterbacks this season. Goofers 27, NW 9
Andy: I reiterate my stance that PJ Fleck is an irritating, egotistical wanker and a fantastic football coach. Pat Fitzgerald is just an excellent coach and has far too much class to bury Fleck’s teeth in the inner walls of cheeks after losing this one. I can dream though. Goofers 31 Northwestern 6.
Illinois (+15) at Iowa
SpartyOnHuskers: #Triggered, refuse to answer and shutting down for 25 seconds.
Jill: Lovie’s team has played just well enough to reduce the temperature of his seat, but Iowa is just too methodical and consistent for the Illini to squeak this one out. Hawkeyes by 18.
Nate M: Come on Illinois! As a Chicago Bears fan I’m happy to see Lovie succeed. Iowa wins by Illinois covers.
Mike: I think Iowa might be on upset alert in this one, coming in the lull between seizing the pig last week and playing for the Overpriced Supermarket trophy in a week. Besides that, the only teams Iowa has beaten by more than two scores are Miami-Ohio, Rutgers and Northwestern. Hard for a team that struggles to get past 21 to win by 15. Squawkeyes 20, Santa 14.
Andy: So, Illinois has won four straight including wins over Wisconsin and Michigan St. and are 15 point dogs to Iowa.
WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE RIGHT NOW????
Upset #2, let chaos REIGN< MY BROTHERS!!! - Lovies Magic Beard 28 Turd Birds 27
Penn State (+18) at Ohio State
SpartyOnHuskers: James Franklin does James Franklin things and loses this one. 18 seems a tad high. Buckeyes 38-Nittany Lions 21
Jill: This line seems kind of ridiculous in the opposite way from the other betting lines so far. Ohio State has been a juggernaut, but I wouldn’t have picked them to be 18 points better than Penn State. I’m also bad at this stuff. Buckeyes by 10.
Nate M: Is James Franklin looking at the USC job? Florida State? Ohio State has an opportunity to really send a message to the playoff committee and they will. Ohio State covers.
Mike: Ohio State has been a juggernaut this season, and I fail to see them being distracted - even with the Weasels on board for next week. The only thing that should slow down Ohio State is the weather. Bucknuts 37, Nitts 13
Andy: This is tough. With Urban in charge, this is an easy cover for Rape U. Urban was something like 2-10 at Ohio St in “Urban Wants To Send A Message” games. (Smoking middling Wiscy team in the Big 10 Title Game to steal a spot in the CFP only count as one) But Ryan Day has been proving himself as Urb’s equal as a coach while still possessing ethics and a soul and not bringing the circus to town constantly because of a complete lack thereof.
Also, James Franklin is a dick. Bucknuts 44 Rape U 17
Nebraska (-5) at Maryland
SpartyOnHuskers: Maryland is bad. Like, really, really, really bad. Huskers are just bad this season. Also, how the hell is this game going to mean that Maryland Stadium will be the most visited “other” team in the Big Ten for me after Saturday? That’s something if you’d told me in 2011 when I moved to DC would become the case, I would have told you you’re clinically insane. Nebraska 35-Terps 9
Jill: The team we saw on the field vs the Badgers gives me some hope. If we see that team, Huskers win by 9. If we see the team that was out there vs Indiana or Purdue, Nebraska’s hopes for going bowling are crushed and ground into fine dust before our eyes as we begin to be nicer to Nebrasketball fans and wonder how they have managed to survive this long. Nebraska 36 Maryland 27
Nate M: Just win baby. If Nebraska loses, then things might get even uglier around here. If these teams play 10 times then Nebraska would win nine. There might be 10,000 fans in the stands and the ability to bring your own energy is going to be tough. I think Nebraska either wins by 20 or loses by 3. Sigh. Maryland with the win. I just don’t trust this team yet. Of course I will be happy if I am wrong.
Mike: Run the dadgummed ball. I think Nebraska gets away from the banana peel this week on a sloppy, cold day. Huskers 28, Turtles 13
Andy: Maryland is flat out bad. We give everyone hope, then punch ourselves in the balls. They just...turtle. We actually have some young talent who just hasn’t learned how to win. If the O-Line shows up in Turtletown like they did against the STINKIN BADGERS, we will roll.
And I think they do and we will. And last week, Dedrick finally started doing what I thought he would do out of the gate. He will do it to the Terps.
The D will make their mistakes but it won’t be enough to change the inevitable.
Today? College Park. Tomorrow? IOWA FUCKING CITY! Believe or jump overboard, chappies!! CAN I GET ONE MORE DAMN HALLELUJAH??? (Get on the bus, Jerry Lewis & Dean Martin, get on the bus. Who’s your daddy? Me. Coach Boone.)
Don’t give up, don’t ever give up. Huskers 52 Marry-fucking-land 28