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CornNation Loses Your Money: Huskers vs. Northwestern

The worst predictions in all of college football look at a mostly B1G slate of games.

Northwestern v Nebraska Photo by Eric Francis/Getty Images

Mike: Well, while we all expected things to be rough last week... we didn’t think it would be THAT bad.

Jill: Last week? I do not remember this last week of which you speak.

Paul: When I sobered up sometime Tuesday afternoon I realized it WAS THAT bad. And starting drinking again.

Patrick: I lost my new TRS cable an need it to connect a delay pedal into a reverb. (humph)

Nate M: Hi Friends!

SpartyOnHuskers: If you’re going to schedule a fall wedding, do it on a bye week. If not a bye week, do it on a day your guests are likely not going to want to watch the game (but preferably the soon to be bride’s family are not fans of the other team). My uncle did not follow the fans of the other team part. So I won’t be able to watch pretty much any of the games this weekend. Thank you for your condolences in advance.

Andy: The 2nd half gave me a sliver of hope. Ohio St.left the starters in quite late and the Huskers kept on battling instead of letting it turn into something truly awful like 62-3. Anyone who thought this was flipping 180 degrees in 2 years, including many in the national sports media, were toking a li’l too much Colorado Kool. Especially with an offensive line devoid of seniors on the 2-deep. Deep breaths everyone and keep riding the ride.

Iowa (+3.5) at Michigan

Jill: I get that this game is in Ann Arbor, but I don’t understand the line on this one. As much as it pains me to say it, Hawkeyes by a touchdown.

Paul: the line opened at +8 Iowa, which was ludicrous. Michigan is in a full-scale crisis and Harbaugh is feeling the heat. This weekend isn’t going to help. Iowa is a good football team. They are also boring as fuck. But boring and good usually beats flashy and incompetent. Iowa 31 Michigan 20

Patrick: From things that have happened and from things as they exist and from all things that you know and all those you cannot know, you make something through your invention that is not a representation but a whole new thing truer than anything true and alive, and you make it alive, and if you make it well enough, you give it immortality. - Ernest Hemingway University of Michigan 21 University of Iowa 17

Nate M: I picked Iowa to win the division, and we might as well start with a big win at Michigan.

SpartyOnHuskers: If there is a God, then Iowa will win so I can have something to laugh at. If there is not, Captain Kakhi Pants has managed to avoid capsizing the boat... for now. Fichigan 10 Iowa 21

Mike: I have no idea what Vegas is thinking with this line, but Iowa has shown signs of running a competent offense this season, unlike their opponent this week. Squawkeyes 35, Weasels 16.

Andy: So, Michigan fans, gender-indistinguishable when armpit hair is the barometer, come strutting into Iowa City on Saturday, noses held high. Although to be fair given the stench of its streets and citizens, that’s not a bad place for noses to be. Michigan whooped up on Rutgers, but since Bellevue West could probably do the same, let’s not look too deeply into that. Iowa 28 Michigan 26

Arizona (+4.5) at Colorado

Jill: This line also confuses me, but that’s why I don’t go to Vegas. Or bet real money on things. Wildcats in a close one.

Paul: Vermin 27, Joe Arpaio’s State 23

Patrick: If a writer knows enough about what he is writing about, he may omit things that he knows. The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one ninth of it being above water. - Ernest Hemingway University of Arizona 43 University of Colorado 37

Nate M: Patrick is bringing the content today. Arizona continues to surprise me in contradicting ways. Arizona wins.

SpartyOnHuskers: Did Rich Rod get canned the end of last year or the year before? I kind of miss him. No idea how this game will go, but probably Arizona will win.

Mike: The Buffies seem to be bringing back the “pull a rabbit out of our hat” effect from the Bill McCartney era. I think that’s enough to get a win this week. Buffies 38, Zoned Out 24.

Andy: I liked Colorado to win this game and then felt dirty. REALLY dirty. The shower I took washed 3 points of Colorado slime down the drain. Zona 33 Alt Burgers 31

Illinois (+14) at Minnesota

Jill: Row, row, row your boat. Fighting Flecks win, but whether they cover is anyone’s guess.

Paul: Minnesota destroys the team we gave up 4 TOs to. Rodents 45, Other Team 21

Patrick: From things that have happened and from things as they exist and from all things that you know and all those you cannot know, you make something through your invention that is not a representation but a whole new thing truer than anything true and alive, and you make it alive, and if you make it well enough, you give it immortality. - Ernest Hemingway University of Minnesota 28 University of Illinois 21

Nate M: I think Minnesota wins (though we should pull for Illinois), but Illinois covers.

SpartyOnHuskers: Last year Minnesota gave up 55 points, 646 total yards of offense, and 430 yards rushing offense. PJ Fleck diverted the plane over Lake Michigan on the flight home to eject his DC into the great lake with a parachute, a boat, and an oar. I think he probably remembers this loss and hands Lovie a razor after the beat down the Gophers hand them. Minnesota 35 Illinois 14

Mike: Speaking of teams pulling games out of their posteriors, here’s the Goofer a double-digit favorite against a team that took them behind the fish shack a year ago. This might be the week Minnesota doesn’t have to sweat this out until the end, but I wouldn’t bet that way. Goofs 38, Santa and his elves 35.

Andy: Re: Re: Out of Interest. (Will be thinking of #7 Auburn vs #10 Florida

Michigan State (+20) at Ohio State

Jill: No way I’m picking the upset here. Buckeyes win easily.

Paul: I think an OSU is the best team in the country right now. They are certainly the best team to play in Memorial Stadium in a decade. an OSU 49 Sparty 19

Patrick: I’ve tried to reduce profanity but I reduced so much profanity when writing the book that I’m afraid not much could come out. Perhaps we will have to consider it simply as a profane book and hope that the next book will be less profane or perhaps more sacred. - Ernest Hemingway Ohio State University 31 Michigan State University 10

Nate M: So if college football is gonna college football then that means this game is going to come down to a field goal at the end of the game because that’s just how things tend to go. With that said, I think Ohio State wins handily, but doesn’t cover. If they do cover, then that makes our blow-out look that much better. If that’s a good thing.

SpartyOnHuskers: WIll not be watching thanks to the wedding reception. So instead I will bore you all with a long preview because like the Wedding Singer, I am the one with the microphone right now. MSU’s defense is the best aOSU will face so far this season. Justin Fields is actually a lot lower in passing in the conference than one would expect partly because they rely a lot on their ground game (given their RB talent, no surprise). Not sure what the hell the defense was doing against Indiana last week, but I’m betting that gets cleaned up and OSU will have to rely on picking apart a good but not great/elite secondary as a result. Rain is unlikely at 2% chance during game time. Crap. MSU had 16 straight games holding opponents under 30 points until Indiana snapped it, and if the defense can’t hold them to 24, then I doubt there’s a chance (so just be like last season MSU, because the offense is what made it 26 for the final score). On offense for Sparty, their fourth string left tackle will line up against possible #1 overall draft pick Chase Young. Um, this is going to get ugly and the offense will be forced to tie a hand behind it’s back with six man fronts most likely. 1998, 2013, and 2015 were all fun, but 2019 will be the year Dantonio snaps his streak of having every 4 year senior win a B1G title under him much like U-Conn snapped Izzo’s 4 year senior streak in 2014 of playing in Final Fours (not that I am still bitter about that game...). Suckeyes 28 Sparty 17

Mike: The argument against Ohio State is that they ain’t played anybody yet. So I’m expecting another thumping. Bucknuts 49, Sparty 17

Andy: Normally, I might pick this for the annual Buckeye upset loss, but Ryan Day seems focused on the job at hand instead of figuring out how to cover up for a wife-beating pervert or trying to remember to grab his head in fake agony whenever he thinks a camera might be on him. Bucks 33 Sparty 10

Northwestern (+7.5) at Nebraska

Jill: Another confusing line. I’m not sure how Nebraska is favored by this much. /Checks Northwestern’s offensive statistics. Oh. This game is always a wild one. I’ll pick the Huskers to win by three, but if they keep turning the ball over like a drunken bridesmaid gives out her phone number at a wedding dance, this one could get ugly fast. Fortunately, the Wildcats like to turn it over too - so this could come down to which defense scores more points?

Paul: Agree with Jill. Nothing ever goes according to plan in this game, which is why I’m picking Nebraska in a blowout. Real NU 51 Nerds 17

Patrick: There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self. - Ernest Hemingway Northwestern University 23 University of Nebraska 21

Nate M: I have a feeling the offensive statistics are a result of having played Michigan State, Wisconsin (#1 defense in the country?) and Stanford. I hope I’m wrong. There really is nothing that makes me think Nebraska will not turn the ball over. Northwestern wins by 3.

SpartyOnHuskers: Purely for karma’s sake, the last time I had to attend a wedding on a game day, Northwestern had a mediocre offense go on the road in a B1G game and win 54-40. Oh, and kick-off put the game in the middle of the ceremony, which is basically what will happen here. So with all that being said, please bear in mind I am making this pick intentionally so that it doesn’t happen and the Huskers win as a result: NU 54-UNL 40

Mike: Wait, Nebraska is beating Nebraska? How does that work? Well, I think Nebraska’s offense is going to finally get untracked this week. Northwestern’s won’t. The NW defense will get a turnover, because, well, of course... NU 42, NW defense 7, NW offense 3

Andy: C’mon, we’ve seen this before. The Huskers will race to a 13-0 halftime lead, extend it to 20-3 come the 3rd quarter when of course the Northwestern offense will catch fire and Hunter Johnson will Kyric McGowan for his 10th straight completion and the winning touchdown with :47 seconds left. A draw play Dedrick Mills does for 25 embarrassing yards to midfield leaving time foe one final play.

Adrian Martinez scrambles, looks around and heaves one to the end zone and...Wan’Dale! Wan’Dale! Wan’Dale! Miracle 2!! Final - Huskers 33 Northwestern 30