“We’ll see how this year goes, but people better get us now because we’re going to get better.”
Fans read this quote and assumed it meant that the Huskers were headed toward 6-6 or 7-5 and a return to a bowl game before breaking out huge in 2019.
As it turns out, Coach Frost came to Lincoln with a plan more diabolical, if at its end victorious, than they could have imagined. People use the phrase that “things are always darkest before the dawn” but they had no idea the 4-8 mark from Mike Riley’s 2017 shitstain of a season wasn’t dark enough for this new Husker Head Coach, not by a long shot.
Through an anonymous North Stadium source - a portly 7-foot 1-inch cherub-faced dickweed in red overalls that we will refer to from this point only as “L’il” - Corn Nation has learned the true goals of Scott Frost and his transplanted Central Florida staff, and, more importantly, the mind-boggling Phase One of the Husker recovery plan.
As far as our confidential source, we can only say that he is in the employ of the UNL Athletic Department and his role within the department places him in close and direct contact with fans, staff and players who speak of sensitive issues in his radius. They often do so with no worry of what he might hear or if he even can hear with what appear to be rubber ears.
It was acting in this capacity that L’il overheard Coach Frost last week in conversation with Athletic Director Bill Moos and his Offensive & Defensive Coordinators Troy Walters and Erik Chinander.
And what L’il overheard was the Husker football leadership discussing the plan for Nebraska to finish the 2018 season 0-12.
Apparently, Frost thought that coming back from 4-8 in 2017 to an eventual Big 10 title in 2019 was far too easy a task for his talents and a level of new success that Husker fans were already taking for granted. Some were already declaring the Big 10 title would mean nothing unless they made the College Football Playoff in 2019 as well.
“If this is going to stick and have fans appreciate what’s about to happen, then these people have to know real pain,” said Frost
“0-12 is real pain.”
When Akron ran home on Lincoln lightning night, it was agreed that 0-11 would still work. An early decision to calm players before kickoff by piping Kenny G and Michael Bolton into the locker room pregame had paid off in spades as the Huskers surrendered leads of 14-0, 17-0 and 46-0 in their first three starts
The Colorado game threw a scare into their scheme, though. Frost thought that the tent would fold accordingly after the Buffs took a two touchdown lead, but instead the team fought back. Sweet shit, thought Frost. Having Martinez fake a knee problem finally put things away although Andrew Bunch almost led the Huskers back. Fortunately, leaving him in for the full game against Troy stymied the offense just enough to allow the Trojans to escape with a victory.
Michigan took care of business quickly, though. And although Minnesota and Illinois would be tough to drop games to, he was certain that a few tweaks here and there, like keeping Mick Stoltenberg in over Peyton Newell and Damion Daniels, could pull those two games out.
Then came the scheduling snafu that threatened to derail everything - 1-AA Bethune Cookman (screw that FBS/FCS nonsense - it is D1 and 1-AA. That is all.) was marked in as a replacement game for Akron. Frost raged at Moos, but Moos insisted he thought 1-11 would be heartbreaking enough.
“It has to be 0-12, Bill! Jesus!” thundered Frost.
After a Sunday night brainstorming session, it was agreed that multiple changes would gradually be inserted before Bethune-Cookman in order to guarantee a loss in that game and the planned winless season for Nebraska. L’il obtained a partial list of the proposed “adjustments” and photocopied it - they are listed below:
- Following the Purdue game, Frost will announce that Martinez is redshirting preserving four years of eligibility. Kade Warner will immediately move to quarterback and back up Bunch.
- Stoltenberg will begin playing both ways moving to TE to utilize his “speed”.
- Stanley Morgan Jr will transfer to Clemson immediately and team up with Mick Lawrence for his redshirt senior season to improve his draft status
- Vaha Vainku and Will Farniok are the new kickoff return specialists.
- The Huskers will unveil the T-formation on October 27th.
- Barney Cotton will speak before the team on October 21st and give them some “big ideas”.
- Pregame meals will now consist of Thanksgiving turkeys with extra tryptophan.
- For Bethune-Cookman game day, Dave Ellis’ training table breakfast will have a Big Mac Breakfast theme. With a main course straight from the event’s title.
- Javeon McQuitty and Jaron Woodyard are to begin working at Left Tackle immediately.
There was another page, but L’il was almost caught at the photocopier with page one. He used CIA distraction techniques to escape detection by hopping away on his head.
As reported by L’il, that covers some of the adjustments being employed to keep Phase One of the rebuild on track with an 0-12 finishing mark. The following phases are to proceed as expected with a bowl game in 2019, a Big 10 championship in 2020 and additional conference championships, CFP appearances and 2-3 national titles in the years 2021 thru 2028.
So hang tough, Husker Nation - bright days and legendary victories are just around the corner.
But remember - first comes the pain.