We’re going to do something a little different with today’s Husker-related joke bit. This time you get to vote on the best ending/punchline.
Note that you can also play “fix the joke” by adding your own ending in the comment section.
Chester Hale is the biggest Husker fan in Hitchcock County. He has over 2,000 pieces of Nebraska football paraphernalia in his man cave, a life-size chainsaw art rendition of Herbie Husker in his front yard, and a red and white 1957 Chevy with “Huskers” emblazoned across the driver door that he’s driven to every Nebraska football home game in the last 25 years.
Hale has been making Scott Frost puns since three weeks before Frost was officially hired on December 2nd, 2017 by the University of Nebraska to become its next head football coach. Hale began the habit by yelling “Frost Warning” to everyone he met, whether they were walking down the street in Trenton, Nebraska, the county seat, or at the NAPA dealership in nearby McCook, where he heads every other day to pick up tractor parts. As the Star Wars: The Last Jedi release date approached, he started saying “May the Frost Be With You” at the end of every conversation.
He did it so much that people were staying off the streets of Trenton to avoid him and the guys at NAPA would disappear from the front desk area at his regular arrival time. His wife Emily has born the brunt of his Frost references. Chester woke her up every morning this winter at 5 AM by poking her in the side, proclaiming, “Frost Advisory” while on his way out to feed the cows.
Emily hit her breaking point when Chester returned last Thursday evening. He walked into the house covered in snow and yelled “Frost Warning” just before pulling a snowball out of his pocket and throwing it at her head. He then yelled, “Got Frost?” before returning to the mudroom to remove his boots and coveralls. Emily did her best to be patient. That night at dinner, she tried to explain that everyone, including her, was growing impatient with him.
“Everyone is excited about Scott Frost. Everyone is excited about the spring game and football season… but it’s months away, Chester. You can’t keep this up until then. It’s driving everyone crazy.” Chester said nothing but continued to eat his Hungarian goulash. His silence irritated Emily more than ever.
“Chester, you will get nothing from me until you stop the Frost jokes.” She turned her body to emphasize her curves.
“You know what I mean.” “It’s getting pretty Frosty in here!”, Chester bellowed, then began to laugh so hard his eyes teared.
“It’s getting pretty Frosty in here!”, Chester bellowed, then began to laugh so hard his eyes teared.
He never saw the butcher knife until it was too late. “It’s a Frost Thing, you wouldn’t understand”, she said just before she brought the blade down.
“It’s getting pretty Frosty in here!”, Chester bellowed, then began to choke on his goulash. Emily didn’t move. Chester’s lips turned a lovely shade of blue, and he fell on the floor. Emily hauled his body to their pickup, barely getting him into the passenger seat. She drove out to the frozen creek, took an ax and chopped a hole in the ice. “Is this Frosty enough for you, Chester?”, she said as she slid his body into the water. She knew no one would find him until spring, if at all.
She would have to find someone else with whom to share her season tickets.
“It’s getting pretty Frosty in here!”, Chester bellowed, then began to laugh so hard his eyes teared. Emily grabbed a cast iron frying pan and smacked Chester across the head. She drug him outside, lashed him to a fencepost, then took a shovel and doused him in snow. Chester was freezing when he came to. He looked down at himself, still tied upright to the fence post. No one else was in sight.
“Frosty the Snowman… I get it.” Chester laughed to himself. He yelled out Emily’s name. She didn’t come. He yelled again. No answer. He screamed until his voice was hoarse. Still nothing.
He wondered if she would leave him there so long he’d miss the spring game.
“It’s getting pretty Frosty in here!”, Chester bellowed, then began to laugh so hard his eyes teared. “Dammit, Chester! That’s it! That’s the last straw!”, Emily shouted as she stormed out of the kitchen. Chester was still laughing to himself when she returned a few minutes later, carrying two large duffel bags.
“What you got in the bags, Em?”, said Chester. “My stuff I’m taking with me and your damned Scott Frost t-shirts!”
“What you gonna do with them shirts, Em?”“I’m going to move to Madison, Wisconsin. I’m going to take black spray paint and spray big EXES on them and wear them around bars until I find a man who’s a fan of a real football team!”
“You can’t take my Scott Frost shirts, Em.” “I’m gonna wear ‘em next year when Scott Frost gets his ass kicked at Camp Randall. I’m gonna make sure I get on TV!”
Emily hurried to the pickup, started it up, and drove away. Chester was left to contemplate just where in the hell he purchased all those Scott Frost t-shirts. It wouldn’t be right making Frost puns without the proper attire.
Which Ending Did You Like Best?
This poll is closed
#1 - Implied Murder, but maybe just a wounding
#2 - Left In A Frozen Creek With No Remorse
#3 - Frosty The Snowman!
#4 - She’s Leaving Him For Another Big Red!