Jill: Look at us! Bravely trudging through all that remains of the college football season even without Husker representation in the postseason. Onward!!
Uglydog56: This is like a pick’em, only I don’t have to lose twenty dollars!
Mike: And while we’re playing with house money, we can plead ignorance when these predictions turn out woefully wrong.
Paul: This is the least interested I’ve ever been in a bowl season in decades. With Nebraska’s absence and the lack of any drama this year, I’m just gonna go with the mascots.
Patrick G.: I’m going with sandwiches today. I hope you all enjoy.
Andy: The beauty of bowl season is that you have a full season of game stats, trends, streaks and performances against the spread. And it means nothing.
Jon: I haven’t done one of these in quite a while. I’m not sure why I’m doing this one. Thank God no one keeps track.
Pinstripe Bowl, Yankee Stadium, New York
Miami-Fla. (-3) vs. Wisconsin
Jill: Turnover chain or Bucky? Both of these teams expected more out of this season than the Pinstripe Bowl. Even though the Canes are the favorite, I’m picking the Badgers.
Uglydog56: Things are going on down in Miami. Players transferring, major recruiting whiffs. There’s trouble in paradise for Mark Richt. Although this is a disappointing ending of the season for Wisconsin, Chryst still has his team. I think Wisconsin pulls this one out. Richt starts next season on the hot seat.
Mike: A rematch of last year’s Orange Bowl, where the Badgers made a case to be considered one of the nation’s best teams? A big part of that was Badger quarterback Alex Hornibrook, who played his best game of his college career. But now Hornibrook’s concussion symptoms are back, meaning that freshman Jack Coan is burning his redshirt to start this game. Canes 27, Badgers 21
Paul: Badgers vs Ibis. Ferocious hairy tank-mammal who gives zero fucks vs skinny white flamingo. I’ll take zero fucks given 31-21.
Patrick G.: Jewish rye bread and turkey topped with Dukes mayo, turkey, lettuce, two slices of tomato, and topped with provolone cheese.
University of Wisconsin 28 University of Miami 17
Nate M: Rye bread? No thanks. I guess bowl season is time to pull for your conference since we know bowl games are a great indicator of conference strength. If your conference does not do well then it is because of a lack of motivation. If your conference does well then we know it’s because your conference is awesome.
I expect Wisconsin to pull a Wisconsin and win by 10 and running the ball right at Miami.
Andy: Both passing games could generously be called godawful. Wisconsin has Jonathon Taylor. Miami has a pretty damn good defense. The horrors of my younger years remember how this played out. It’s 2018 and I don’t care. Miami 24 Wisconsin 13
Jon: Two teams for which this season sucked a lot. Wisconsin has more heart than Miami AND they have Jonathan Taylor. The best thing about this game will be watching the ‘Canes play in New York City in winter. Miami will get destroyed 7-3.
Music City Bowl, Nashville
Auburn (-4.5) vs. Purdue
Jill: I’m not being a B1G homer but I’m picking Purdue. Bowl games aren’t usually about which team is better, but which one still feels like playing football. In this case, I think that team is the Boilermakers.
Uglydog56: Auburn kind of fell apart this season. They are kind of SEC Nebraska. If they’re not playing for something, they tend to not play with as much intensity. Purdue, on the other hand, plays with a spark, especially against teams with a bit of arrogance. The Purdue kids are going to play harder for a coach that picked them over money this offseason as well. My fandom of Jeff Brohm continues undiminished. Homer Purdue pick here.
Mike: Auburn would love to get red of Gus Malzahn, while Purdue would love to lock up Jeff Brohm for a lifetime. Boilers should want to send David Blough out a big winner, and I suspect they will. Boilers 45, War Eagle 30
Paul: Steam locomotive vs majestic great cat. I love tigers. There isn’t much that can stand up to a moving train though, so I’ll take them 33-20.
Patrick G.: Sourdough bread, 85% ground chuck cooked rare, mayo, Crystal hot sauce, and a slice of onion.
Purdue University 23 Auburn University 21
Nate M: Now sourdough bread I can get behind. Come on Purdue! I’ll always be pulling against SEC schools. But would a Purdue win be good for Nebraska? RECRUITING! But I think Auburn wins.
Andy: I’d love to ride this wave of Brohm-otion and pick the Boilers but I think time spent in Nashville around a bunch of weirdos who weep over dying trees and pronounce their own school’s name “Aw-brin” will make their fans jumpy and the players will sense it. War Eagle Tigers 30 Boilers 21
Jon: I see Purdue being motivated and happy their coach is staying. Purdue 35, Auburn 4
Peach Bowl, Atlanta
Michigan (-7) vs. Florida
Jill: Michigan is one of those teams that isn’t going to be motivated. They wanted to be in the playoff and aren’t even in the Rose Bowl. However, I don’t think Florida is really going to be all that motivated either. Wolverines win but the Gators cover.
Uglydog56: Harbaugh does not impress me. I think the OSU loss broke them, not motivated them to come back angry. Florida lives and dies on the run game. You’d think that would make Michigan the easy choice here, but with Rashan Gary and Devin Bush bowing out to prepare for the draft, Michigan may not be as lights out on defense as they typically are. Florida performed above my expectations this season. They continue to do so against Michigan, and pull the upset.
Mike: I’m going contrarian here. The Weasels laid a huge egg in the Horseshoe, and have had four weeks to sulk about it. They’ll show the Gators that they were a playoff caliber team. Weasels 38, Gators 24.
Paul: Wolverines vs alligators. I think this would normally go to the cranky reptiles with big fucking teeth. But, don’t forget about the western states insurgency against our Cuban-Russian occupiers. Having fought vs an insurgency, I know how difficult it is, so I’ll take them over the reptiles 38-30.
Patrick G.: Potato bread, brie & gouda cheeses, and prime rib in between the cheeses. Grilled on a stove top and and a side of tomato bisque.
University of Michigan 37 University of Florida 28
Nate M: Lobster bisque is preferable to Tomato. We have lobster’s laying around everywhere I think. Another Big Ten vs. SEC matchup. Wolverines are more talented than this Florida team and maybe that’ll make all the difference. Michigan wins by 3.
Andy: I think Husker fans will bet this based on the beating we took earlier. (My God! They are UNBEATABLE!!). I’m with Jill on this one. This is the classic case of a team that had eyes firmly on the playoff finding themselves in a game named for fruit and chicken. Bill Snyder used to regularly shit the bed in these “We deserved better!!” games and so shall Senor Khakis. Florida’s better than people think. Gators 27 Weasels 23
Jon: I’m with Mike on this. (It’s like we’re all picking sides and gonna square off in the street later.) Michigan wants to get that bad Buckeye smashing behind them. They’ll want to show they’re better than that game showed, and they’ll come out motivated by Jim Harbaugh, one of the best coaches in college football. You wait and see - now that Urban Meyer is gone, Harbaugh will win all the championships, starting with this one in the Peach Bowl. Michigan 27, Florida 19
Cotton Bowl, Dallas
Clemson (-13) vs. Notre Dame
Uglydog56: This one’s all Clemson. Brian Kelly kills a player during halftime, and it doesn’t even matter. This one’s borderline not worth watching.
Mike: My gut feel is that with Clemson defensive tackle Dexter Lawrence likely to be suspended, Notre Dame is going to make this game a lot closer than most think it will be. It’s Notre Dame, and somehow they manage to be competitive when they shouldn’t be. Take the points. Clempson 27, Farting Amish 20.
Paul: And the majestic big cats get their day. Tigers devour racist anachronistic caricatures of Irish folk 45-27.
Patrick G.: Marble rye, corned beef, sauerkraut, & whatever you use instead of 1000 island dressing, and then grilled on a propane grill.
Clemson University 31 University of Notre Dame 17
Nate M: I think sauerkraut used to be served as a side for some lunches in school. I think Clemson will blow the doors off of Notre Dame. Clemson 35 - Notre Dame 10
Andy: This reminds me of the Catfish Domer squad that produced a really unimpressive undefeated season before being curb stomped by Alabama a few years ago.
Clemson 36 Domers 14
Jon: SCREW YOU GUYS. There was a time in which Nebraska was always the underdog to Florida teams. Then that change. Then we smashed them for a bit. This will be time for Notre Dame to show that they’ve figured it out! The Fighting Irish will shock the world! Notre Dame 35, Clemson 31
Orange Bowl, Miami
Alabama (-14) vs. Oklahoma
Jill: Sigh. Bama.
Uglydog56: A game where the coverage will consist of the words “SEC SPEED” over and over, with continual gobbling of Saban’s knob by the announcers, and a soundtrack of manic renditions of Boomer Sooner.
Mike: Alabama also has a starter suspended for the semifinals (offensive lineman Deonte Brown), but I’m not sure that’s enough to make a difference. Brown split time with Lester Cotton this season. Oklahoma’s porous defense needs a helluva lot more help than that. The Tide is going to roll all over South Beach. Bama 56, Sooners 31
Paul: Tough one. Several tens of thousands of rednecks anxious to evict native Americans from the lands that we gave them as compensation after we took away their native lands vs an elephant. I’m gonna take the elephant 38-16.
Patrick G.: Ham on white bread with yellow mustard...
University of Alabama 82 University of Oklahoma 48
Nate M: Definitely looking forward to this game. Alabama will likely score at will, but then so will Oklahoma. Alabama will probably win by 10 but I”ll be pulling for Oklahoma.
Andy: Alabama blasting away on the hapless SEC West, LA-Lafayette, Arkansas St. and the Citadel doesn’t sexually arouse me like it does the college football press and the CFP committee annually (Didn’t win their division? Physically rolled by Auburn? Uh...(touching self)...uh...EYE TEST. THEY’RE IN!!).
And the last time Alabama ran across this Oklahoma offense with a double-digit spread, that pissy little runt Saban showed up for next season’s SEC media days whining that since it wasn’t a national title game, Alabama didn’t really try that hard. Or something like that.
Screw it. I say Alabama’s already advanced past the Okies in their minds, Lincoln Riley’s stock is about to shoot through the roof and nobody’s paying attention to the fact the Sooners have the Heisman winner. Oklahoma 61 Bama 58 Double OT
Suck it, Saban.
Jon: Double what Andy said. Notre Dame vs Oklahoma in the national title game!
Perhaps this is why I don’t do these prediction roundtables. They always end up as prayers and not as objective predictions. Who wants to see another Clemson vs. ‘Bama title game? It’s gotten boring.