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Corn Nation Loses Your Money: Conference Championship Edition

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Even though the Huskers season is over, we’re still making awful predictions.

Big Ten Championship - Ohio State v Wisconsin Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images

Mike: Normally, we only pick games with point spreads of ten points or less. But this week’s lousy conference championship games makes that awfully different. For the most part, the best games are actually makeup games.

Speaking of which, it’s a good thing that Bill Moos scheduled Bethune-Cookman in October instead of Akron this weekend. The weather for the Bethune Cookman was almost perfect; Saturday in Lincoln, it’ll be a high of 39 with rain changing to snow.

Patrick G.: Maybe, just maybe, if I have time this weekend I will go through at post everyone’s record after the games have played on Saturday. Maybe...

Nate M: I’m probably last. But then again somebody smart once said, if you’re not first...you’re last. So I guess I won’t be alone.

Jill: Last weekend wasn’t good for my record, 2-3. Overall, I’m 41-20 (until Patrick tells me differently).

Uglydog56: My mother confirms your record, Jill. One last time into the breach, Crispin!

The Big Game

Stanford (-3) at California

Patrick G.: Tree versus bear. Who would win? Most of the the time the bear just uses the tree as a scratching post. At least that’s been my observation.

Stanford University 17 University of California 12

Nate M: A little known fact about trees. They drink water from their roots and not the bark on the trunk. If anybody wants to ask... “If you could go back to when you were 5 years old, what would you tell that 5 year old?” Now you know the answer.

Stanford.

Jill: It is raining here and going to turn into snow in a few hours with up to a foot expected for us. We don’t have any buildings for the cattle, just trees. I’m typing this as fast as I can so I can go help ranchdude get the cows back from cornstalks (they are in the field next to the ranch) and lock them in the blizzard pen. The blizzard pen is about 2 acres of trees. Lots and lots of trees. In really bad weather, there is always somewhere in there that is so protected, you don’t even realize there is a blizzard. Ranchdude doesn’t think we need to bring them home. The last time we had this argument, I gave in and we ended trying to fetch the cows home from two miles away by making them turn into 40-50 mph winds driving sleet (pro tip: cows don’t do it - so don’t try it), while walking on a 12 inch of ice and dodging fallen power lines. Did you know electric fences require electricity in order to be effective? This storm isn’t supposed to be nearly as bad as that one, but I still prefer to get the cows home now.

The moral of the story? There are times when trees are good. Stanford by 6

Uglydog56: How did Cal make it to the Conference Championship? Stanford makes this one boring to watch unless you like counting tight ends and fullbacks.

Mike: Washington and Utah played for the Pac-12 title last night. This game was postponed from two weeks ago due to the wildfire that destroyed Paradise, CA. My take: take the Tree. Stanford 27-21.

American Conference Championship

Memphis (+3) at Central Florida

Patrick G.: I have nothing on these teams.

University of Central Florida 32 University of Memphis 23

Nate M: Frosted Flakes is trash. I’m talking about the cereal...not our morning articles. Well some of those are trash as well. Mainly mine.

Memphis takes advantage of a Milton-less squad.

Jill: While doing winter storm preparations, doing predictions for California and southern teams is making me sad. OK, I’m over it. I think UCF wins one for the Gipper.

Uglydog56: We're about to see just how good Mackenzie Milton really was. Memphis frees us from UCF WAS ROBBED narrative for all time.

Mike: Pretty sure Frosty didn’t leave the cupboard bare behind Milton. This week, though, they play for KZ. UCF 38, Memphis 30

Big XII Championship at JerryWorld

Oklahoma (-8) vs. Texas

Patrick G.: So, they’re calling this Zombie Red River. I call it a Group of “6” championship as the winner will most likely not make it to the College Football Playoffs. Honestly, I can see this game going either way. I’m picking Oklahoma just because you rarely see a team get beat twice by the same team in a season.

University of Oklahoma 24 University of Texas 23

Nate M: I will be pulling for Oklahoma to win. I want to see them play Alabama. Oklahoma has more to play for. They win by 10+.

Jill: I think the funner prediction on this one is how often does the Okie band play Boomer Sooner? It doesn’t seem to take touchdowns or explosive plays to get them to do it. It’s more like - hey look, our guy just wiped his nose - play it! Oh look, we held them to a nine yard gain on first and 10 (it is a Big 12 defense after all) - play it! There’s a cat running across the field - play it! I bet that song echoes and reverberates inside JerrahWorld. Maybe I’m glad to be here prepping for a foot of snow.

Sooners by 10.

Uglydog56: I haven't picked Texas all season, mostly to my detriment. Well, I'm not going to change my ways now! All the offense beats some of the offense. O/U on Boomer Sooner: 50. I'm taking the over.

Mike: This is Oklahoma; they play Boomer Sooner after nearly every play. I’ll go 65 on the Boomer count. As for the game, it’s tough to beat a team twice. Sooners 56, Bovines 45.

SEC Championship

Alabama (-13.5) at Georgia

Patrick G.: Roll ham

University of Alabama 48 University of Georgia 14

Nate M: I visited Georgia once. I have never been to Alabama. Alabama wins but Georgia covers.

Jill: Sigh. Bama.

Uglydog56: Also sigh. Roll tide pods.

Mike: Essentially a home game for Georgia, but Alabama just doesn’t lose here. Bama 38, Dawgs 21.

Big Ten Championship at Indianapolis

Ohio State (-14) vs. Northwestern

Patrick G.: It’s been a weird year in college football.

Ohio State University 38 Northwestern University 10

Nate M: Did anybody else play moshpit when you were younger? You know where you and your friends just fight each other (not really swinging fists) but just tackling and jumping on each other? Well I think that was the Big Ten West division this year. One lucky team just happened to crawl away from that mess.

Ohio State wins by 10. Northwestern does not make mistakes so they will keep it close.

Jill: My first instinct is to pick the Wildcats. I’m not sure why. What I think is really going to happen is that Northwestern keeps it close and takes a lead midway through the third quarter, causing much wailing and gnashing of teeth but then Ohio State pulls their crap together in time to make the final score look better than it really was. That leads to much wailing and gnashing of teeth when they still get left out of the playoff.

Oh hell, I’ve gone with my first instinct all season and look at my record. LOOK AT IT! Wildcats by 2.

Uglydog56: As much as I want to jump on the train with Jill, I just can't. Ohio State exploits Northwestern's weak cornerbacks over and over. Urban Meyer pretends to grimace in pain whenever the camera is on him. Ohio State still gets shut out of the playoff.

Mike: Somehow Northwestern finds ways to ugly things up in “games that matter” (i.e. conference games). Lose to Akron, nearly lose to Rutgers, but sweep the B1G west. But Ohio State ISN’T in the West. Nuts roll down hill. Aosu 41, NW 20