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Corn Nation Loses Your Money: Black Friday Edition

The CN team makes their predictions for the final weekend (sniff) of the 2018 college football season.

Spoiler Nebraska Wins T-Shirt

Mike: Well, sad to say, this season is just about over.

Patrick G.: Can someone see how well we all did this year in predictions? I would but, ya know, Nebrasketball and all...I’m going to miss doing these.

Jill: 4-1 last week. I am now 39-17. Why does Vegas think this is so hard? Hey Patrick - we need to start doing predictions for Nebrasketball! That will be a great way to bring my lofty opinion of my picking skills back to earth.

Andy: I’ve been haphazard at best getting picks in but I couldn’t miss one last chance to say abusive things about Iowa. OK, this won’t be the last chance, but still.

Uglydog56: According to my mother, I’m 39-19. This season has both been long and went quickly. The Akron game seems an eternity ago.

Nate: I’m so far behind that I’ll just leave the season race to the end to Jill and Uglydog56

Paul: The long dark team time of the soul is nigh.

Oklahoma (-1.5) at West Virginia

Patrick G.:

University of West Virginia 38 University of Oklahoma 37

Jill: West Virginia is one of the few states I have never visited. It sounds like a lovely place with the mountains, forests, and burning couches. I have been to 40 states so far and I’m hoping to get to all fifty in the next few years. I’ve already been to Oklahoma. I even got to drink a beer in the bar where Garth Books got his start. In the spirit of Black Fridays past, I’ll go with the Sooners.

Andy: What’s the over/under on this one, something like 137?? This simply feels like the kind of game that Oklahoma finds a way to win and West Virginia just isn’t quite ready for. Yes, Oklahoma ‘s defense is awful but the Mountaineers aren’t exactly playing lockdown either. Sooners 13 West Virgina 12

Just kidding. And by the the way, Sooner fans? Don’t drink anything out of a Mason jar that WVU fans might offer you at a tailgate. Just don’t. Okies 49 Mountaineers 46

Uglydog56: Couch burning is a felony in West Virginia. If you get caught burning a couch in West Virginia, you can’t vote, or hold public office, or become a mortician or cosmetologist ever again. You can’t give pedicures or become a Senator if you burn a couch in drunken youthful exuberance. With that hanging over your head, can you really concentrate on a football game? I don’t think so. Sooners win.

Mike: This is going to be just like the Monday Night NFL game between the Rams and Chiefs. It might run long into GameDay the next morning. Sooners 56, Mountaineers 52.

Nate M: Oklahoma is going to win because West Virginia is going to realize that they are in West Virginia.

Paul: West Virginia has “Take Me Home Country Roads”. OU has Boomer Sooner. Case closed. WVU 55, OU 49

Washington (+2.5) at Washington State

Patrick G.:

The Palouse in eastern Washington

Washington State University 34 University of Washington 17

Jill: The Apple Cup. We have five apple trees. My favorite is the old one that was already on the ranch when we moved there. I have no idea what kind of apples they are, but they smell heavenly when you cut them open. The cows used to line up by the fence when we picked the apples because we’d throw the bad ones to them. Wormy apples are apparently a big treat or high entertainment for cows. No one said cows were smart. Wazzu wins.

Andy: Washington St. is 10-1 against the spread this season and Washington is 2-9. Washington is favored by 2.5. Not too many people get rich in sports betting and even fewer do it betting against streaks. The Dred Pirate Leach takes out Washington and spends a week trying to make a case for a spot in the CFP before losing the conference title game to Utah. Wazzu 37 Washington 28

Uglydog56: I saw Brandi Carlile in concert once in Pullman. She may be my favorite singer of all time. Additionally, the World’s Largest Radio Flyer Wagon is in Spokane. There is no way the Most Interesting Man in College Football lets this one get away. Cougs prevail on the arm of Uncle Rico.

Mike: Rain and wind, with a chance of snow is the forecast in Pullman tomorrow night. Take the points, but I think UDub wins this one straight up. Huskies 23, Pirate 20.

Nate M: Very helpful Patrick. Washington State is going to win the conference and Mike Leach is one of the best coaches in the country.

Paul: Mike Leach is a national treasure. Wazzu 49, UDub 28

Purdue (-4) at Indiana

Patrick G.:

One small step for Louisville....I mean Purdue

Purdue University 24 University of Indiana 23

Jill: I have a picture of ranchdude by a sign proudly proclaiming French Lick, Indiana to be the hometown of Larry Bird. The only other thing I remember about Indiana is caves. Purdue and Indiana play for a bucket. If you are are going to make a trophy out of a random object, you should at least break it first, amirite? Boilers by a touchdown or two.are going to make a trophy

Andy: You know how some of the sports stations sneak in those crop reports between sports news and talk? It’s rivalry week. This game is the crop report of this weekend’s slate of games.

Uglydog56: Isn’t Indiana the state that part of it doesn’t do Daylight Savings Time? How can you win a football game with such poor state-wide clock management? Jeff Brohm gets his players fired up for his last game as a Boilermaker.

Mike: Yeah, this one is more interesting to see what Jeff Brohm does after the game. Mama’s calling him home, but Brohm may have found a better place than home in West Lafayette. After two tough “L”s, the Boilers win this one going away. Choo Choo 42, Candy Stripes 27

Nate M: Purdue will win by 14.

Paul: Why do we even bother with this?

Michigan (-4) at Ohio State

Patrick G.:

The Dead Schembechlers

Ohio State University 28 University of Michigan 17

Jill: Until recently, Ohio was one of the states I had never visited. I happened to be at a conference in Hebron, Kentucky, which is only a few miles from Ohio State line (and Cincinnati.) Despite having a nasty case of food poisoning (don’t eat airport sushi) I was determined to go to Ohio. I got an Uber, he dropped me off in downtown Cincy. I walked two blocks, took a couple pictures and then hailed another Uber to head back to my hotel. Mission accomplished. I even managed to not puke in the guy’s car. Yay me. Wolverines win by three.

Andy: Two of the most irritating and dislikable programs in college football renew hostilities. Michigan is that snobby douche at a holiday party making snide remarks about the free snacks and telling everyone over and over about his new Tesla and his annoying children’s minor academic achievements. He wore a tie and dress slacks even though the invitation said casual.

Ohio St. is that grown man at the bar in jorts and a Terrell Pryor Starter jersey who yells things at strangers like, “You say sumthin’, asshole??!” from a distance not really wanting to fight because he wants his friends to hold him back and go, “It ain’t worth it, Kirk!”

So normally during this one, I hope for a minor stadium collapse and field full of tear gas from overreactive security. However, the Buckeyes and most especially, their sniveling, weaselly (is that a word?), lying, immoral dickweed of a coach have upped the ante when it comes to shit behavior and it’s made for a Buckeyes team that is ready for a major public embarrassment.

They are 10-1, but anyone watching them this year knows that record is smoke and mirrors. There is no lack of talent, however the combined pressure of a coach who can’t keep his stories straight, an administration that sold its soul, and a fan base/team/university nervously waiting for the next Brett McMurphy revelation or crazed Zack Smith tweet has taken its toll on a team that has lost its focus.

20-49 Purdue. 36-31 Nebraska. 52-51 Maryland. A coach setting up his next “medical retirement” with a “brain cyst”. Nick Bosa saying see ya’. And an opponent that seems focused and vicious and whose coach has stopped behaving like an ass in a reality TV show. If Michigan smells blood, Harbaugh will not let up. Blood will be in the water. Michigan 55 OSU 17 - Urbs’ medical reitrement announced Tuesday before B1G title game.

Uglydog56: I see Michigan winning this one, you know why? Because the crying when Michigan doesn’t get picked for the College Football Playoff will be epic. People are tired of listening to delusional Buckeye fans excuse and enable domestic violence. They’re ready to hear arrogant Wolverine fans eat their young because the Playoff Committee is blatantly homer to the SEC.

Mike: Khakis vs. Cysts. Is this what this one comes down to? The khakis reign supreme in 2018. Weasels 34, Nuts 20

Nate M: Michigan will win and I’m looking forward to it.

Paul: I’m with Andy here. Weasels run away with this. Urbz retires (probably for good this time) next week. Team Up North 37, Ohio 28

Nebraska (+9.5) at Iowa

Sioux County, Nebraska

University of Nebraska 23 University of Iowa 12

Jill: My sister used to work in Iowa. She hated Iowa. Everyone hates Iowa. Huskers by eight.

Andy: Ah, the illustrious non-rivalry corporate grocery store army trophy game is finally here. We’re basically the same state, so the untanned, overweight, rube and barnyard animal molestation jokes would mostly be received with, “Look who’s talking!!”

And yet...

There is something rather sad about the strange neighbor with the inferiority complex who seems desperate for an enemy he can call his own. He considers victories against Husker squads with losing records among his program’s most prolific. He spends infinitely more time imagining that Husker fans are taunting him about their five (FIVE!!) national titles than Husker fans actually spend doing it. And even though it may be a bit improper to point it out, he has yet to defeat his lifelong body odor issue. His unkempt front lawn is littered with dog shit.

Ah well, onto the game. The Huskers are a 10-point underdog and there appears to be another crap weather day ahead with temps in the 40’s and rain. JD Spielman’s presence is sounding iffy again. However, we now appear to be finding ways to win instead of finding ways to lose and the Hawks have lost three of four while crapping yet another chance to win the west down their leg. Screw it. This is our bowl game. Huskers 23 Iowegians 19

Uglydog56: My prediction is conditional on the condition of one player’s ankle condition. IF JD Spielman can play, this will be an exciting game that comes down to the wire, Huskers eking this one out. Parades in the street, Hawkeye fans so depressed that fornicating with their sisters doesn’t even cheer them up, whole herds of Iowa milk cows go dry causing a worldwide shortage. Without JD, the offense will be stifled and Morgan won’t get loose, and the day ends the way Nebraskans don’t want. Did you know goats milk contains less sugar, has 13% more calcium, 25% more vitamin B6, 47% more vitamin A, and 134% more potassium than regular cow’s milk? Also, you can sacrifice goats for Husker wins in a pinch. We probably have to endure the taunting of Hawkeye fans for one more year. But that will be the last time for a long time. Goat milk production in Nebraska skyrockets over the next five years.

Mike: I don’t know whether JD goes or not, but I’m not sure it matters that much. Nebraska’s offense is too diverse to come down to one player. Thought this week, there is one player who’ll be the focus: Stanley Morgan plays his final game in Husker red with a chance to become NU’s first ever thousand yard receiver. It happens as he and Devine Ozigbo leave nothing in the gas tank. Huskers 38, Squawkeyes 30.

Nate M: Unfortunately I think Nebraska will have issues with the Iowa offense. It’s a more talented version of Michigan State and MSU dropped a bunch of passes. I think Iowa wins 35-20.

Sioux County, Iowa

Paul: As the only Iowan on the Corn Nation editorial staff I firmly disagree with Jill’s assertion that everyone hates Iowa. Still, Nebraska 31, Iowa 28.