Your beloved Nebraska Cornhuskers held a another preseason practice today. Here are some tweets that provide nearly no information about what happened or what’s going on at camp, but it’s important that you read them anyway.

Like the best kind of poop. I’m not sure if you want to describe poop as seamless, but I suppose it could work given that it was all the guys around and not mixed company where people were gonna think you were gross or something.

Seriously, stop thinking about football and read that tweet as if it was about being regular. Maybe it’s come to the fact that Mike Riley is really comfortable with being in Lincoln and more importantly has become comfortable with the athletic department’s bathrooms.

These two guys no one would think of, except for their mothers. Ben Stille is a redshirt freshman linebacker from Ashland Nebraska. If you look up his bio at huskers.com, he looks the part of a nice young man from a small town in your home state. You want him to succeed. You hope that he’s grown comfortable with the bathrooms and Nebraska’s athletic department as well.

Sedrick King is a junior linebacker from Plant City, Florida. He’s majoring in economics. I listen to Freakonomics, the podcast, all of the time.

Just like we thought, the offense won’t be able to score points and we are doomed. We should just close the website down and you guys should go find another team to root for this season, like Iowa State because they drink a lot.

I’m not sure we have a Bryce Reimers on our team. We do have a Bryan Reimers on our team. He is a 6’5”, 210 pound wide receiver. I am looking for good things from Mr. Reimers this season. Somebody that big should just be able to jump up and catch the ball over everybody else’s tiny little defensive backs. He should be like Jordan Westerkamp but better. He’ll be the guy that runs good routes and is our possession receiver because he’s white.

JD Spielman is a redshirt freshman wide receiver from Eden Prairie, Minnesota. Eden Prairie is only a few miles from where I live. They have a really massive high school because they’re one of those schools who never split when the town got big. Because of that, Eden Prairie is a high school football powerhouse in Minnesota. Well, that’s not the only reason. They also have this guy the coaches for them that’s basically the king of high school coaching in Minnesota, Mike Grant. He coached Jay Foreman. Eden Prairie has more money in high school football than anyone should.

Good things are expected of JD Spielman because he is supposed to be really fast. I hope he can catch the ball well.

Okay let’s move on.

Kade Warner is injured and out of fall camp. That sucks. It especially sucks if you’re a big fan of Kurt Warner and wanted to hang around the campus and try to meet him. The worst part about being out of fall camp is that you’re not getting comfortable with the bathrooms in the athletic department around Memorial Stadium. This is more important than anyone thinks. Nobody ever reports on it, except there are signs, I’m told, that caution you about the color of your urine and dehydration. That is also important.

There is a time for everything under the sun. Turn, turn, turn.

Here is the official release from the athletic department. It doesn’t mention bathrooms, unless that’s implied in the part I’ve bolded below:

“We just had a week of practices, we finished with about an 86-play scrimmage,” Riley said. “The players that play within that first unit, it’s not just 11 guys, they probably got 25 [plays]. Which that is what our goal was. The next group got a little bit more than that. Everyone else got about that which is about 30 [plays].”

Riley mentioned his thoughts on the new preseason practice rules.

“There’s going to be a lot of talk,” Riley said. “There will probably be another rule change or two. You don’t want to push this thing too far back into July. The kids are around here anyway if you take the right time off and do it right, I think stretching camp a couple of more days, maybe two or three more, is really not bad physically.”

Coach Riley then briefly gave an overview of today’s scrimmage.

“It was a mixed bag a little bit,” Riley mentioned. “It’s hard to separate it. There were a lot of good plays. The one offense made some plays and not consistent but had some nice runs. I was excited about that too. All four quarterbacks actually functioned okay. They were pretty good. What is evident about football is that you can’t mess up procedure. It was a real good day, we hit the number we wanted to with the number of plays we wanted to be live.”

Riley commented on specific units' performance including the secondary unit.

“The secondary definitely made some plays,” Riley said. “We tried to get the corners a lot of turns, maybe more than the rest of the guys just because a couple of them haven’t played in a game.”

Riley then continued his thoughts on the outside linebacker position in the new 3-4 defensive scheme.

“They’re young in the defense and they’re growing so I’m optimistic about that.”

Then There’s This