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Bob Diaco Don’t Know Tacklin’ As Well As He Oughta

Diaco claims to know all these types of tackles, but I’m tellin’ all y’all right now, it’s not enough.

NCAA Football: Villanova at Connecticut David Butler II-USA TODAY Sports

This is a quote from our new defensive coordinator, Bob Diaco, from a while back, trying to sound all fancy and all-knowin’ with his defensive terms.

What the holy hell is Bob Diaco talking about here? Is he running for office?

A disengaged tackle? Is that the one where Melvin Gordon runs the same play repeatedly to the outside and our defenders watch him run by while never being close enough to engage so much as a shotgun at him?

Seems to me that Bob needs to learn more about tacklin’, so here I am at little ol’ Corn Nation, trying to assist Bob the underwear model with more tacklin’ techniques so that our defense can be the best it can be come fall.

Bob just needs to study some of these techniques, add them to his repertar, then teach them to the guys and we’ll be allll ready to kick some opponent ass this 2017 football season.

The Chris Taylor Suplay Tackle

Does this need much more explanation?

What this really is is the “no fear” tackle. The “I’m going to take you down even though I may be crushed into oblivion doing it. The “I’ll be damned if you’re ever running up the middle again” move.

10 Men Tacklin’

Here’s Donnie Yen taking on 10 friggin’ guys. 10. That’s nearly an entire defense, and not only is he beating the holy crap out of nearly an entire defense, he barely gets touched and shows more speed than a human being should be allowed to have.

Do I need to point out what Donnie is wearing there?

A BLACK SHIRT, perhaps?

Maybe Bob should hire Donnie to show him some moves, especially those defensive moves where he keeps the defender’s hands off him at all times. Them come in especially helpful on the line.

Boomerang vs Carp Tackle

I have no idea what in hell this kind of tackling would be, but it looks pretty defensive and deadly fun at the same time!

No Muss No Fuss Quarterback Tackle

Look at the angles taken here. There is no escape. There is no going out of bounds for Mr. Mayfield. There is only sack yardage. Great form, and great gang tackling.

This one should be studied repeatedly for hours by every defensive player ever.

The Mr Potato Head Tackle

This might appear to be esoteric to some, but it’s a tackle technique that only a few know, and one can go your entire life without seeing. Would it not be beautiful to see one of our defenders hit a quarterback so hard that his arms, legs, ears, and mustache (if he got one) fly right off, like he’s been hit by a RPG?

Every defensive end dreams about this, or at least they should be.

If you’re worried about the poor, little exploderated quarterback, don’t. They can just pick up his parts, plug them back in, and he’ll be fine. He’ll have to sit out at least one play (NCAA rule when you get blowed up and parts fly off), but he’ll be right back in, hopefully to have it happen again!