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Corn Flakes: A Rotten Kid And A Bad Choice

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Kids and choices. Bad choices. That’s what this is about.

NCAA Football: Minnesota at Colorado State
See that zero? It’s not low enough.
Troy Babbitt-USA TODAY Sports

Last Thursday I came home extremely tired and with a somewhat bad headache. It's not uncommon, and the fatigue has become so routine that when I get home our dog Esther expects me to go up and lay on the bed for a nap. She runs to the top of the stairs and barks at me (it’s an extremely loud bark, she is a German Shepherd- Lab mix, so she commands your attention) waiting for me to get to the bedroom. It's frustrating, the fatigue, and as much as I want to believe that I'm still trying to recover from a brain injury, I am slowly being forced to face that this is the rest of my life.

As I'm wandering around our kitchen in a half-daze, slowly making my way to nappy time I am informed that my youngest son has formally enrolled at the University of Minnesota. He is officially a Gopher.

I can't say I didn't see this coming.

In fact, I resigned myself to a couple of weeks ago.

His decision was down to attending the University of Nebraska, where he was accepted into engineering, or the University of Minnesota, where he was not accepted into engineering. He had earlier eliminated the University of Minnesota at Duluth, and Purdue, where he’d also been accepted into engineering.

I asked, “What if you never get into the engineering college at Minnesota? What then?”

“I’m going to major in Math. It’ll be easier.”

My memories of linear algebra (MATH 314!*), what little remain, laughed hardily, and tried to get my mouth to say, “You KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT LIES AHEAD, YOU FOOL!”, but I calmed those memories, reminding them that you can’t tell an 18-year old jack shit especially if you’re his father, and probably not even then.

The oldest son is a banker (I do the sign of the cross whenever I say this). He went to one semester of college, decided it wasn't for him and got a job as a teller at Wells Fargo. He's working his way up through the ranks at what seems to be a quick pace, but I just can't help but thinking of that Jimmy Buffet line from Son of a Son of a Sailor whenever I tell people about him.

The daughter chose to attend college at a little private Christian school – Biola University – near Los Angeles, California. She’ll graduate this December with a degree in biochemistry. After that, who knows. She had her chance to attend Nebraska, but at least introduced us to Southern California, something for which I will be forever grateful.

It was one thing for the other two to make choices that didn’t include my alma mater, UNL. It’s another thing entirely for my youngest and last chance to make a choice that INVOLVES CONSORTING WITH THE ENEMY.

I know what you’re thinking. Maybe I should disown him. That’s an excellent idea, except for the fact that I still live with his mother, whom I kind of like, and she likes him, so there’s conflict.

Instead, I considered the idea that maybe I’d enjoy him attending Minnesota, and being a Gopher and we could have fun times razzing each other about our wins and losses. Maybe I could wear one of those shirts that’s split in half, with MIN on one side and ASKA on the other and say things like “Oh, it doesn’t matter who wins, it’s just great to be here..”

LIKE HELL.

More like I’m going to enjoy Nebraska stomping the ever living shit out of Minnesota in every sport they ever play against each other ever again FOREVER UNTIL THE END OF TIME AND THEN AFTER THAT.

I want to see Gophers fans and players weep as their hopes and dreams are crushed because I am a jealous and petty father who needs avenged for a perceived wrong, whether real or imagined. I want them to weep so hard that they run out of tears and blood flows from their eyeballs, causing announcers to say “What sort of person would wish this curse on those poor Gophers fans? Who could be so cruel?”

Me. That’s who. Despicable me.

84-13? Bah! Not enough. 90- -34 would be a decent score now.

There’s only one other way out of this, Minnesota.

You can pray that I’ll adopt.

*Math 314 – I never actually finished Math 314. I liked the class a lot, but I was practically starving at the time, and had to get a job. The job I got conflicted with the class, so, alas, I dropped it despite the fact that I was doing well in it at the time.

University!!!!!

Jeepers creepers: Massive spider eyes shrink 25% in adulthood | Nebraska Today | University of Nebraska–Lincoln

Researchers at Nebraska have found that the enormous eyes of the male net-casting spider shrink as he reaches adulthood, freeing up physiological resources that he expends elsewhere.

I am not sure why this is important, but it sure is kinda creepy as hell.

May commencement: By the numbers | Nebraska Today | University of Nebraska–Lincoln
From Tekamah to Teipei, the University of Nebraska-Lincoln's May 2017 graduating class hails from across the globe and is from all walks of life. Here's a look at the May 5 and 6 commencement ceremonies at Nebraska by the numbers.

Study looks to ice for fabricating useful porous materials | Nebraska Today | University of Nebraska–Lincoln
Discovering a way to harness ice recrystallization could enable fabrication of highly efficient materials for a range of products, including porous electrodes for batteries and transparent conducting films used to manufacture touch screens and wearable electronics.

'Wounds of Whiteclay' receives Kennedy journalism award | Nebraska Today | University of Nebraska–Lincoln
Students at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln have earned a Robert F. Kennedy Journalism Award for a depth report that delves into the issues about and people impacted by alcohol sales in the small community of Whiteclay.

Alum, Husker Fan Touted Idea for Sports Media Major - Huskers.com - Nebraska Athletics Official Web Site

Hachtmann indeed laid the groundwork for Sports Media and Communications to become a major for the first time in Nebraska's history. That remarkable milestone, however, never would have happened without the intervention of another UNL alum and diehard Husker fan.

I think it’s kinda weird that a Sports Media and Communication Journalism major didn’t exist before. Bluntly, I wonder why it exists now. I realize there are a lot of people who would want to go into sports journalism, but good lord, that’s an industry that has been slaughtered and because there is no real business plan that allows newspapers in their current form to thrive, I fail to see how it will provide anyone with a decent living wage in the future.

I would like some feedback on this. Maybe I’m wrong. About this, I mean. I’m wrong a lot about a lot of other things, but I’m specifically asking if I’m wrong about the sports journalism job environment. Not my marriage, or my ability to parent. Just sports journalism.

News!

Post-Spring Big Ten Football Power Rankings: Breaking the conference into three tiers - Inside NU
Read this, and tell the community what you think of these rankings.

Michigan Expected To Sell 93,000 Season Tickets - Highest Total In A Decade - Maize n Brew
It’s been a great week for Michigan football, and this is the cherry on top.

Minnesota extends Richard Pitino’s contract by 1 year - The Daily Gopher
No financial details have been disclosed yet.

LSU emails student-athletes urging caution in reaction to Alton Sterling decision - SBNation.com
Sterling was killed by police in 2016.

Why Chad Kelly is the most fascinating Mr. Irrelevant ever - SBNation.com
The 253rd overall pick and new Bronco has an interesting story.

Football's next generation isn't as worried about concussions as you might think - SBNation.com
We asked high school football players how they feel about concussions. Some players are worried, but plenty aren't.

Then There’s This

What to do if your Google account was phished in today’s ‘Google Docs’ attack - Recode

Revoke access immediately.

This thing spring like wildfire yesterday, and while it didn’t appear to do massive damage, it sent people into a tizzy trying to figure out what it was doing.