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Angry Mob Suspected of Hurling Man to Death From Top Of South Stadium

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This may not be true, but you know you’ve wanted to do it.

Lincoln and University of Nebraska police are investigating the cause of a 34-year-old Dannebrog man’s death Saturday when he fell from the South Stadium during the Nebraska Red-White Game.

Hendrik Petersen of 454 Willis, Dannebrog, Nebraska landed on a car in front of the June and Paul Schorr Center for Computer Science & Engineering. He was pronounced dead upon arrival at 2.55 p.m. at Bryan Medical Center in Lincoln where he was taken after the ‘accident’. Damages to the car are unknown at this time.

Numerous witnesses reported that Petersen had repeatedly refused the polite requests of other fans sitting around him to sit down when Nebraska was on offense. Shortly after the beginning of second quarter Petersen, who was seated approximately 10 rows from the top of Memorial Stadium’s South Stadium, apparently ‘fell’ from the top row. Despite drawing the attention of most of his neighbors in the South Stadium early in the game, according to a Lincoln Police Report, no one witnessed the fall.

Robert “Bob” Mitchell, 89, of Omaha told Corn Nation that “that dumb bastard wouldn’t sit down, and wouldn’t shut up. I asked that rude sum’bitch to just sit down but he just stood there, yelling, like an Iowa fan”.

Ed Handy, 91, of Omaha reported “It was the damndest thing. One minute he was just standin’ there, actin’ like an ass and blockin’ everybody’s view, and then he was gone. We all wondered where he went, but then the Reds scored again, and we just sorta figured he went for a Runza or something.”

Two other witnesses who wished to remain anonymous told CN that Petersen’s death was no accident at all. By both accounts, the entire of top of the section grew tired of Petersen standing throughout the game and decided to take matters into their own hands. Fans near Petersen picked him up while others screamed their approval. Peterson was then passed from row to row until he reached the top of South Stadium at which point he was “hurled” off the stadium, according to one anonymous source.

“It was kinda awful, but kinda exhilarating at the same time”, said one source. “I think he was wearing a Wisconsin shirt, not a Nebraska shirt, and that made people even more angry.”

When asked about the Wisconsin shirt, our second source stated that must have been the reason she heard someone scream, “DEATH TO THE INFIDEL!”, just before Petersen went over the edge.

LPD informs CN that they are ready to rule Petersen’s death an accident and have no intentions of following up with more witnesses. One investigator told CN, “I mean, you stand up and you keep standing up when people ask you to sit down, and you’re wearing a Wisconsin shirt and acting like an Iowegian... what the hell do you expect to happen?”