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Five reasons Nebraska LOSES to Wisconsin

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You’ve thought it, but someone had to write it.

NCAA Football: Northwestern at Wisconsin Jeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports

I wrote last week about how this assignment is taking it’s toll on me. Most of that was about the emotional wear and tear caused by constantly considering ways we lose. Now I’m running into another problem. I’ve used up most of my reasons and we aren’t even half way through the season. Hopefully the Huskers find their rhythm and become a powerhouse so I can just write fake reasons like I would have for the 94-97 teams. Hopefully, but until then........

FIVE REASONS WISCONSIN WILL “BADGER” US INTO A LOSS ON SATURDAY NIGHT.

  1. They are HUUUUGE on the O line- How do they do it? We have all the beef and corn and pork and corn that it takes to feed big men and turn them into giants and yet a state known for cheese keeps pumping out these superhuman 6-8 365 pound tackles. We have some big boys ourselves, but we haven’t seen 1800 pounds of O line coming at us yet this year, and it might be more than we can handle.
  2. The guys running behind those hippos- I don’t need to remind you about the history of Wisconsin runners against us do I? Out of respect for past blackshirts I will not rehash it here, but if you want a good cry look it up.
  3. Mike Riley is too nice- We always hear about how nice Mike is and Wisconsin coach Paul Chryst is one of his best friends. Maybe Riley is toooooo nice and isn’t able to step on the neck of his buddies like we would like him too. You can see these are getting thinner and thinner. Just wait.
  4. Wisconsin has our number- I don’t want this to be true, but when a team has an all time 7-4 record against us, including 4 in a row you have to wonder if it’s true. I wrote a hopeful line here a minute ago and then remembered what article I’m writing and erased it, so you will have to look elsewhere for your hope.
  5. BARRY “I can coach any team, any time” Alverez- If Wisconsin starts to falter, especially against his Alma Mater, Big Barry can just fire his coach and take his spot, like he wants to do every week. If this actually happens though, I like our chances.