Well, here we are again. The doorstep of the B1G perennial powerhouse, THE Ohio State Suckeyes. I know I should be scared, we should all be but guess what I’m not. Here are a list of reasons, that I think, we obliterate The Sucknuts 69-3.
- Urban Meyer is old, he’s due for a mental lapse any day now. Prolly a heart attack also.
- Dicaprio Bootle (He’s a future Hall Of Famer).
- Ohio State has too much talent. Stay with me here. A lot of kids want playing time but there are only so many plays in a game. This will lead to in-fighting.
- They are going to sleep on us.
- Last year they beat us by 400 points. They can’t do that twice. Impossible.
- Dave Rimington is our new AD (temp job but still) He was great so that will seep into our team via osmosis.
- Lee Corso is going to pick the Suckeyes to cover the spread.
- Mike Riley will “out nice” them by picking the friendliest plays he can, like the group hug (it’s a pass play).
- It’s the only way to make our coaching situation more complicated which is what everybody wants.
- There are no prunes in Nebraska so Urban Meyer will be supes constipated because he’s old and his butthole doesn’t work well without prunes.
- Who names their kid Urban? His parents are idiots.
- Their Wide Receiver coach looks like a fan of domestic abuse and that doesn’t fly in Lincoln. We respect our women here.
- We might do a run play, we might do a pass play. The confusion will cause fits for their defensive coordinator.
- Bob Diaco will distract most of their players with his uncanny good looks.
- We run a 3-4. Nobody does that, so Urban (dumb name) won’t know what to do.
- Remember when we had Ameer Abdullah? That was dope.
- They don’t have Tim Beck anymore.
- Because we’re Nebraska and it’s 1995 still and we are the best and no Im not delusional you are, stop talking down to me. GO BIG RED.
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