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Big Red Cobcast: Ohio State Suckeyes

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Well, here we are again. The doorstep of the B1G perennial powerhouse, THE Ohio State Suckeyes. I know I should be scared, we should all be but guess what I’m not. Here are a list of reasons, that I think, we obliterate The Sucknuts 69-3.

  1. Urban Meyer is old, he’s due for a mental lapse any day now. Prolly a heart attack also.
  2. Dicaprio Bootle (He’s a future Hall Of Famer).
  3. Ohio State has too much talent. Stay with me here. A lot of kids want playing time but there are only so many plays in a game. This will lead to in-fighting.
  4. They are going to sleep on us.
  5. Last year they beat us by 400 points. They can’t do that twice. Impossible.
  6. Dave Rimington is our new AD (temp job but still) He was great so that will seep into our team via osmosis.
  7. Lee Corso is going to pick the Suckeyes to cover the spread.
  8. Mike Riley will “out nice” them by picking the friendliest plays he can, like the group hug (it’s a pass play).
  9. It’s the only way to make our coaching situation more complicated which is what everybody wants.
  10. Runza.
  11. There are no prunes in Nebraska so Urban Meyer will be supes constipated because he’s old and his butthole doesn’t work well without prunes.
  12. Who names their kid Urban? His parents are idiots.
  13. Their Wide Receiver coach looks like a fan of domestic abuse and that doesn’t fly in Lincoln. We respect our women here.
  14. We might do a run play, we might do a pass play. The confusion will cause fits for their defensive coordinator.
  15. Bob Diaco will distract most of their players with his uncanny good looks.
  16. We run a 3-4. Nobody does that, so Urban (dumb name) won’t know what to do.
  17. Remember when we had Ameer Abdullah? That was dope.
  18. Valentinos.
  19. They don’t have Tim Beck anymore.
  20. Because we’re Nebraska and it’s 1995 still and we are the best and no Im not delusional you are, stop talking down to me. GO BIG RED.

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