As many have noted, such as in posts like this one, a global helium shortage is one reason cited by killjoys who find the need to eliminate the balloon releasing tradition at Memorial Stadium. Well, go stick that reason where the helium don't rise, folks.
Scientists have just announced a ginormous new reserve of helium gas underneath Tanzania. That's right. Our troubles are over, dude.
Get the #Tanzanebraska hashtag pumping and the literal and figurative pipeline flowing from the Rift Valley to the Great Plains, because our balloons will soon be overflowing with sweet, sweet Tanzanian helium.
Heck, helium's about to get so cheap, you might as well fire up the homemade MRI in your garage while inhaling and singing along to your favorite Alvin and the Chipmunks record (OO EE, OOH AHH AHH, TING TANG, WALLA WALLA BING BANG). You'll have no reason to feel guilty. You might even want to buy a dirigible while you're at it.