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Nebraska Spring Game Halftime Entertainment Recommendations

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Bo Pelini Cat

Just because BTN is not televising the Nebraska spring game live doesn't mean there can't be entertainment. Last I heard there were over 60,000 tickets sold and that number should go up by the time the game comes around, so there is a need to keep the fans interested at halftime, especially since there's no going on the field for the drug-free pledge because of safety issues.

Since we haven't actually heard about any entertainment options, I thought I'd put together some recommendations about what I'd like to see.

Nebraska Media Death Match

Nebraska media members gather on the football field at halftime. The crowd is invited to the field, creating a human fence around the area from the 50 yard line to the south end zone.

At the start, Nebraska media members must fight in an all-out battle. If they refuse to fight, the crowd can do with them what they want. Media members cannot bring their own weapons, but they can use anything that the crowd around them gives them, say, for example, a metal folding chair.

I can only imagine the look on Lee Barfknecht's (pick a media member) face as he turns to see the chair I'm holding above his head just before it comes crash down with all the force I can muster.

The winner gets to have an exclusive, all questions accepted interview with Shawn Eichorst. The winner will be me, of course, because I'm a bastard, more of a bastard than all the rest of them put together.

Expected exchange:

Sean Callahan: Is that a railroad spike in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

Me: [Whipping it out] It's a railroad spike, MOTHER FUCKER!

Well, maybe not a death match. That's kind of drastic. Plus, you guys would miss Steve Sipple, Dirk Chatelain, and the rest, and while I might enjoy maiming, I really don't want to kill anyone. Mostly.

Nebraska's New Live Mascot

Nebraska has never had a live animal mascot. Lil' Red doesn't count and I know you all miss Bo Pelini's cat. It's time for that to change. Keith Williams has been touting this "Gorilla Wideout" theme, so why not get a real gorilla?

I have no idea how Nebraska would acquire a gorilla - maybe capture one in the mountains of Africa (read: interns in the wilderness - there's a reality TV show idea right there) and bring it back to the midwest.

I know next to nothing about mountain gorillas. They look like beasts not to be trifled with, but since I don't have to handle it, I don't care. Perhaps it will be wild and tear its handlers to pieces (there's always more interns, right?), hence the reason the fans shouldn't go on the field. Perhaps it will escape,

All of that should read - EXCITEMENT - and putting the University of Nebraska on the map as a place where the students aren't such pansies as to need "safe spaces".

Don't forget to vote in our Spring Game "For What Will We Cheer" poll, and be sure to spread it around on social media like dung on a freshly plowed field in the 1930s!

What would you like to see for entertainment at half time?

Cheerleaders are a given, like turnovers losing a game. Get creative!


Nebraska's All-American Bowlers:

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Listen, let's at least have fun thinking about it.

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