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Corn Flakes: About Those Super Bowl Ads

Cam Newton did not get the roughing call he was looking for near the end of the game.
Cam Newton did not get the roughing call he was looking for near the end of the game.
Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

Looking across the twitterverse, there wasn't lot of great feedback about yesterday's Super Bowl. A lot of people felt that it was sloppy, boring, and overall uninteresting. I was surprised that Carolina's offense couldn't generate more points than they did but I did enjoy watching Denver's defensive ends take over the game. Denver's defense tied a Super Bowl record of seven sacks.

It was nice to see Von Miller get the Super Bowl MVP. That guy was a nightmare for Carolina.

Cam Newton's indecisiveness when deciding not to jump on the ball (or at it, or somehow not try to recover it) after his fumble late in the game will stick with him for the rest of his career unless he somehow wins two or more Super Bowls to make up for it.

I enjoyed the game. I'm not a Denver fan, never have been. Never cared for John Elway. I can't think of a single reason to root for the Carolina Panthers, either, so I was fairly ambivalent about whom I wanted to win other than the harem voted for Denver.

You should always do what your harem tells you to do.

Now, about those Super Bowl ads.

I didn't think too much of them until later in the game when there was a field full of wiener dogs running with wiener coats on that made them look like little running hot dogs. And they were running towards ketchup. Heinz ketchup.

I wasn't the only one that liked it.

A big reason for liking it?

It was simple, and it was funny. It didn't try to sell us on associating a product with a profound concept, unlike some of the car commercials, it simply did a good job of entertainment for a few seconds of our lives.

Of the car commercials I liked Audi's the best. The connection between the astronaut, the car, and the feeling of "life, power, and glory" was very well done without needing to make some type of political statement. Plus... holy crap, the car.

I hated the Kia "First Date" commercial. Maybe it connected with fathers who have daughters they feel the need to haunt on dates, I don't know. It would have made more sense to show their "car finder" option with people exiting a mall and locating their generic Kia in a parking lot.

The Kia bit with Christopher Walker and socks was better, but, still just Kia.

Hated the Mini "Defy Labels" ad, mostly because I didn't associate a Mini with any of the labels they used. Minis are pretty damned cool cars all by themselves. Sell the damned car. Go around corners other cars can't at 90 MPH and people will buy your damned car, idiots.

Hyundai's remote start commercials with bears running after people to eat them was funny.

Puppybabymonkey. No. Creepy and pointless. Maybe it was targeted at teenagers. Dumb teenagers.

Rocket Mortgage wants us to go through the housing bubble and financial crisis of 2008-2009 again, spending ourselves into debt-laden sheep, but feel better about it because we'll have an app for that.

Amazon had Alexa, Alex Baldwin and Dan Marino. I liked their ad. My oldest got an Echo for Christmas, and I got to play with it this weekend. I find the device intriguing. Maybe more on that later.

The Doritos Ultrasound ad was one of the better ads of the evening. Funny, because we are talking about chips here. It easily could have been creepier had it taken itself more seriously, so they pulled it off using a potentially dangerous concept.

Big pharma gave us a guy who couldn't poop and saw signs of not poopin' everywhere, bowels getting scanned at the airport, and toe fungus. It is nice to know that big pharma has enough money to buy Super Bowl ads. I was worried for a moment.

I liked the Axe commercial because I thought it delivered a positive message to its target market; young people who think smelling like an exponentially stinky French whore is somehow attractive.

Easily the biggest winner of the night was head official and former Nebraska quarterback Clete Blakeman, whom women found hot. I hope he doesn't wear Axe.

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