I’m tired of playing by the rules while we know that all the winners are cheating. I want to be a winner. I want to cheer the Huskers on while they win a national championship. So I guess what I’m saying is:
We need to start cheating. We need to cheat at every level of the game. I’m talking Bag Men (I’m looking at you, Warren Buffett), I’m talking steroids (I’m looking at you, Arnold Schwarzenegger) and I’m talking about players who are grown ass men lying about their age (I’m looking at you, Leonard Fournette).
I mean... if most teams are cheating then is it really cheating? I vote Nay. I vote not-at-all. If everybody is doing it, then it’s basically like nobody is doing it. I know you see my logic. If both Saban and Meyer cheat to win then it’s an even game. When Mike Riley wins, it’s a miracle. It’s all starts with the recruiting class.
Furthermore, i propose that we get the best cheaters, find new ways to cheat, really raise the level of bucking the system. Get in there and get our hands dirty. Hire lawyers to find loopholes, Get ex green berets to spy on people, find a walter white type to make the cleanest steroids that are good for people. I don’t want anyone to get hurt. Maybe find organic steroids. Like steroids they would sell at Whole Foods. If steroids were legal that is.
I hope you listen to my words with an open mind and see that this is the best, quickest way back to national relevance.
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