Well, we destroyed Maryland. They sucked. We all knew we would, so there’s not much of a story there. Take that Maryland, you got what we all knew you would.
Which brings us to: Iowa Hate Week.
Here’s the thing, I believe in punching up. Iowa is such a bastardized version of a college football team, such an insignificant blip on the radar of the NCAA and Husker football in general, that I don’t want to berate them. I want to thank them for a few things.
- Thank you for Council Bluffs. Because of it’s ridiculous smell and for almost being a caricature of what people should be like, it makes Nebraska appear even better than we already are.
- Thank you for continuously doubling down on Kirk Ferentz. It just makes beating you so much easier.
- Thank you for wearing black and gold. It makes you easier to avoid at night because we see you coming from a mile away.
- Thank you for naming your team after a character from M.A.S.H., somebody needs to pay homage to such a great television show. Honestly, I’m glad you aren’t named the Iowa Huxtables or something stupid like that.
- Thank you for being our stepbrother that is both weaker and dumber than us but likes acting tough. It makes bullying you feel like we are doing the right thing instead of just being mean. Nobody likes you and everybody feels like we are doing a solid by tormenting you.
That’s enough. That’s all the praise you get. Now go get some sleep, you’ve got a long week of playing spin the bottle with your first cousins and your uncles.
See you Friday!
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