College Football: Week 6 Predictions

Andy: Hello, anyone home? Look at this pile of beagle poop - let’s make this week’s theme Games That Used To Mean Something!

Mike: What an awful week to have a bye! (At least from a fan perspective.) A full Saturday to watch the other games, and we get . . . this. (Or at least we hope so. Matthew has already nuked Florida & LSU, and might still take out the Probation Bowl between the ‘Canes and ‘Noles.)

Brian: The real job is gonna keep me from heading to Fair Park in Dallas for the Red River Shootout. Alas, sometimes life is not fair. Ah well.

Greg: This is one of those weekends that screams “crappy football means it’s time to be productive around the house...after I get off work.”

Florida State (+3.5) at Miami-Florida

Paul: It’s Hurricane Week in Florida. 24-17 Miami.

Andy: I don’t think it’ll be a blowout, but Miami has a coach that isn’t doing halfwit Al Golden things with his pile of South Florida talent. The slide continues for the Semi-holes of Half Ass U. (God, I love that). Canes 38 Noles 26

Mike: We’re going to predict this game and hope that it survives the real Hurricane. The U finally has a coach for the first time in 15 years, and that’s the difference. ‘Canes 34, Noles 27

Brian: Kind of looks like a statement game for Miami while FSU will be playing for any chance whatsoever at a ACC title game run. I just don’t think that FSU’s D can hang with that Offense. Dunno if Richt is better than Jimbo, but talent wise the Canes are playing better, and that is what will matter in the end. Miami by a good amount.

Greg: Somewhere Shepard Smith is laying down big money on Miami.

All jokes aside, hope you stay safe, Florida. We can’t afford the cancellation of many more overrated SEC games.

Man, Florida State just has not looked the same since Lulville kicked their ass. Miami is a program that is a couple years away, but definitely a team on the rise. I don’t know...Miami hasn’t really played anyone. I’m going to take the ‘Noles here because we can’t let all the hurricanes win.

FSU - 38 Hurricanes Not Named Matthew - 30

Washington (-8.5) at Oregon

Paul: 'Cuz they say two thousand zero zero party over, Oops out of time. So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999. 24-17 Washington.

Andy: How’s that Oregon win looking now? I don’t think Washington will quite work them over like they did Stanford, but The Artists Formerly Known as the Oregon Ducks are circling the drain. Being back home will help but not enough. Huskies 37 Ducks 20

Mike: Brady Hoke hasn’t helped the defense, so Mark Helfrich is rolling the dice and turning the offense over to a true freshman. (And not named Terry Wilson.) Dakota Prukop wasn’t really the problem, and I really doubt that Justin Herbert is the answer...but I suppose it’s a good opportunity to get the kid some experience in a season that’s looking lost for the Ducks. If it wasn’t for the freshman quarterback, I’d be calling for UDub to have the letdown game, but not this week. It’ll be a dead duck bounce. Huskies 52, Kvackers 30

Brian: Damn Huskies, I had full lock on that Stanford pick last week and you straight trashed em. Meanwhile, Ducks have a melancholy D and putting a True Frosh Quarterback out there to start (not named Terry Wilson, FYI). I cant see Oregon keeping up. Washington wins easily & people start to really notice them. Maybe

Greg: I’m with Brian. I had Stanford rolling in that games last week, and they were the ones to get rolled. Huskies...how you doin’? These Ducks are far-removed from the Chip Kelly Ducks that you had to worry about. So I see UW making a grand statement in this one.

Huskies 59 Quacks 17

BYU (+6) at Michigan State

Paul: “How Sparty Got His Groove Back”. 24-7 Michigan State.

Andy: I’m assuming this stale beer fart of a game is part of our contractual obligation to pick one Big 10 contest. Sparty 28 BYU 20 Interest In This Game Outside of Provo or East Lansing 0

Mike: Sparty did well against a bad Catholic team, and they should do fine against a fine Mormon team. Any Protestant schools to round out their schedule? Sparty 24, Cougars 14

Brian: This game is less than a TD? Yikes man. Sparty is mad and they will play a Cougar club that avoided 1-4 by clipping a tolerable Toledo. Michigan State covers.

Greg: To answer Mike’s question, when can we get TCU on Sparty’s schedule? Michigan State needs to prove that the last two games were a fluke. But if you want to talk crazy, BYU’s five games this season have been decided by three or less points. All of them.

Call me nuts, but I’m taking the Dirty BYU team in this one, winning on some last-second bull crap like a FG or a damn Hail Mary. 27-24 (because they won’t have to kick a PAT if that Hail Mary connects as time expires)

Oklahoma (-10.5) vs. Texas at the Cotton Bowl

Paul: Two coaches enter, only one survives (the season). 24-17 Big Game Bob.

Andy: The streets will run with blood & vomit on Friday night. Goobers will drink, fight, stagger & commit various sexual crimes throughout the city. The night will be filled with screams, sirens and the rat-a-tat of police batons reporting off the booze-addled skulls of backwards-ass Okies and burnt orange covered Texas fucktools until the wee hours.
On Saturday, two storied programs on the edge of disaster will play a football game. At its conclusion, one of these fanbases will completely lose their goddamn minds and some grown man with two first names will be arrested for trying to deep fry his beloved squad’s head coach in a large trashcan filled with cases of hot canola oil.
Oklahoma’s better but they were last year too. However, Okies 66 Horns 45

Mike: How the hell did Charlie Strong win this game last season? He probably survived last season with that win, but it sounds like he’s merely keeping the office clean for Tom Herman. Sooners 42, Bovines 26

Brian: Every time we ask how bad the Sooners are gonna whip that Horns ass, Texas comes out & wins this. Strong coaching for his ass, but so is Bob Stoops. I think Oklahoma wins this one.

Greg: Andy, “various sexual crimes?” Did this game get moved to Waco?

Both teams are 2-2 yet Oklahoma is somehow ranked. Was it because of last week’s win over 3-2 TCU? Because, voting members...I don’t see it.

One of these coaches gets the Les Miles treatment and doesn’t survive the season. I think it’s Charlie Strong, who will then go on to Purdue.

Baker Mayfield will help his team get the W here...41-31

Tennessee (+6.5) at Texas A&M

Paul: Based solely on my dislike of A&M, 24-17 Tennessee.

Andy: Tennessee’s about to run out of good fortune and, besides, I want both Alabama and the aTm undefeated when they face off next week. aTm 30 Vols 27

Mike: The Vols will be down running back Jalen Hurd, and that might be the difference with a Vols team that just seemed to stumble their way into the victory column a little too frequetly. Aggies 31, Vols 20

Brian: The horseshoe shoved squarely up Butch Jones’s ass must hurt. But it comes out this weekend. Aggies by 13.

Greg: Usually Tennessee is one SEC team I can half-tolerate (because they’ve been crap recently). Guess what, Vandy. Looks like you’ve outlasted the rest of the SEC! I think Tennessee is highly overrated. However, I really don’t like Texas A&M either. Damn. This is really an #SEC game for me. Hell...

Vols 34 aTm 24