Report: Nebraska is Not Leaving the Big Ten For the Texas Wet Dream Fiefdom

This article is completely unnecessary, but for the sake of Reddit and Google, here we go:

Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten for the Big 12.

Nebraska is not considering leaving the Big Ten for the Big 12 or for whatever the heck it is that the Arizona real estate contractor thinks Texas is building. We’re assuming Mr. Monty obtained their information from the West Virginia realignment blogger roll email chain. Or perhaps a weird alternate universe realignment sub-Reddit where they pretend Texas and Nebraska were BFFs. Or maybe from talking to RUN THE BALL guy, who is sure if we just ran the RIGHT run plays we’d win national titles every season, and that it’s all Shawn Eichorst’s fault that we haven’t run them yet.

Anyways, we could point to reasons like the impending dramatic increase in payouts, or that athletics are finally finding their feet in the conference, or that the university’s enrollment/academic progress has improved greatly in the last five years. We could point out that the Big Ten controls Nebraska’s media rights, as part of its buy-in into the conference.

We could do that, but instead, we’ll just say this, Simpson’s style:

Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten. Nebraska is not leaving the Big Ten.

Also:

I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility. I will stop listening to the ramblings of random internet people with zero credibility.

Besides, we all know Iowa is the one leaving the Big Ten. The MAC is more their speed anyways.

Screw Iowa. Go B1G Red.