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Big Red Cobcast: Redemption!

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Revenge is a dish best served cold. So we served Illinois up a cold plate of ass whoopin'

Gallery: Late Husker Surge Topples Illinois
Merica

Let me tell you guys a story.

About 1 year ago, a man was brought into my life. He wasn’t a large man, he wasn’t very threatening and he had a penchant for close losses. I wasn’t sure how to take him because the man in my life he replaced was a loud, blow hard, dick face.

I grew accustomed to temper tantrums. So when we’d lose in the last seconds against Illinois or Wisconsin, I’d say, “Hey, you need to do the temper tantrum thing”. I’d yell at my television, I’d get so angered that I’d swear off football together. “You need to scream at the refs more! If you don’t, how will your players know that you’re on their side? People won’t fear the Cornhuskers unless there is more screaming”.

I would encourage our coach to, “make your face turn red until children are afraid of you” and “do the thing where you make all your veins show through your skull”. One time I even Complained that “THE CHEERLEADERS DON’T SEEM TO FEAR YOU! HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SCORE TOUCHDOWNS WHEN THE SCARLETS AREN’T AFRAID TO COME NEAR YOU!?!”

Fast Forward to October 1st, 2016. The Cornhuskers are undefeated, they look like the monsters of the gridiron that I have known most of my life. For lack of a better word, they are the greatest pigskin prolificaters (I may have made that word up) again.

They go into the locker room down against Illinois at half. They come out, heads up - chin straps tight. No yelling, nobody’s hair was on fire. There wasn’t anybody screaming at Papuchis. Better yet, there was no Papuchis.

The side line was calm.

Then BOOM BANG BAZINGA! Touchdown after touchdown. It was a blitzkrieg of yolo bombs, a rumspringa of running, a titilating amount of tackles. Long story short - it was dope. We won. We won super hard and we beat the snot out of Illinois. We are the greatest thing to ever happen to football.

The End.

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