Nebraska Football: Five Reasons the Huskers Lose to Purdue

Believe it or not, we came up with five reasons the Huskers could lose to Purdue, even after last year’s debacle in West Lafayette.

Beware The New Guy

The common theme around Purdue football is that the team is lost, the players are no good, they have no vision, and they have no heart. What if the problem was just Darrell Hazell all along?

It could be that interim head coach Gerald Parker has the team hyped and ready to play; ready to prove that they don’t suck, and that Hazell was the problem all along.

“WE HAD A TUMOR. WE CUT IT OUT AND WE’RE ALL BETTER NOW.”

This is a common team motivation technique. Sometimes it works really well. Perhaps it will work against Nebraska!

More Nebraska Injuries

The team has suffered a fair amount of injuries so far this season. What would happen if (God forbid) Tommy Armstrong Jr goes down with an injury? Ryker Fyfe would make his entry. Fyfe would get his chance to redeem himself against Purdue last season when he threw multiple (editorial note: FOUR) interceptions. What if, instead of redeeming himself, that Purdue is his personal hell on earth, a test made by the gods jealous of his sexy-man-beastiness, and they alter the path of the balls (footballs, damn you) he’s throwing so that he continually throws interceptions against a Purdue defense repeatedly shocked to find the ball in their hands. WHAT IF THAT HAPPENS?

YOU KNOW THE ANSWER. NEBRASKA LOSES. DETERMINED BY THE GODS.

Purdue Is A Pushover.... No. No. No.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve already heard this week about Nebraska “resting their starters” for the game so that they’ll be ready for Wisconsin. Take that ingredient and mix it with the seemingly common attitude that Nebraska “plays to the level of their competition”, an attitude used to potentially explain the close game with Indiana and YOU END UP WITH A LOSS.

Let’s quickly review that recipe for loss:

1 Pint Take Opponent Lightly

1 Heaping Cup of Looking Ahead

³⁄₄ Liter of RAMCO’s Play to Level of Competition

Put all together at one time for about 3-4 hours on a Saturday afternoon, and BOOM YOU’RE A LOSER!

Special teams

It is no secret that Nebraska’s special teams are not very special. Punting sucks. Punt return coverage sucks way way way more. What if Purdue sends their punt block best after Lightbourn every time?

Hah! Danny Langsdorf has no intention of punting this season ever again (we can only hope).

Lightning never strikes twice in the same place

It can’t happen again right? I mean, it’s not like the Huskers keep beating on Sparty despite overwhelming odds or anything.

OK. I just googled this and apparently the odds of lightning striking twice (or Purdue beating Nebraska for arguments’ sake) are slightly better than winning the Powerball. If this were an accurate analogy, it would mean that Purdue could win twice every 12,000 games or so because that which is not impossible is inevitable given sufficient trials.

This analogy is not accurate and based on flawed assumptions. However, I urge you. PLEASE DON’T BRING ANY UMBRELLAS OR CONDUCTIVE MATERIALS TO THE GAME!