Since this is the 100th Twitter Recap, it wouldn’t be complete without an ode to our favorite parody account Faux Pelini (composed by our Corn Nation poet Jill aka ranchbabe) along with some of his best tweets from 2015.
AN ODE TO FAUX PELINI
It started funny enough
But without much fanfare
And then the real Bo
One small tweet did share
Custody of a fuzzy cat
Seemed a strange argument
For a football coach
And fake twitter account
But a funny thing happened
That night of playoff football
A legend was born
In social media folds
Tweeting presidents, popes
Also punters, and bowls
Helping us find cheer
Through a bad chapter
Could not dull the laughter
We enjoy the intelligent jabs
And the poignant self looks
A fan base that takes
Itself very seriously
Hip hop hogwash
And "sit down please!"
All seem to find smiles
In Faux’s quick hits
Laughter is good for the soul
Even when short on wins
So thank you Faux Pelini
For providing us with laughs
The search for Carl
Should not end on the spot
Nor the obvious questions
So many wish they thought
Keep bringing perspective
And this humor stream
The Big Red needs you
As part of the team
You might not believe this but the NFL investigated itself again and didn't find any problems— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) January 23, 2015
The Patriots did an investigation on themselves and you will not believe what they concluded— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) January 24, 2015
One way to not get the measles is to GET THE SHOT THAT MAKES YOU NOT GET THE MEASLES— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) February 6, 2015
Roses are red Violets are blue Ndamukong Suh Ndamukong Suh— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) February 14, 2015
Do you see this as gold & white or blue & black pic.twitter.com/xXKqn4AaNx— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) February 28, 2015
Quick question if you rob a bank at 2:01 am tonight can they not prove it— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) March 8, 2015
IT'S NOT TOO LATE IF ENOUGH OF US REFUSE TO DO DAYLIGHT SAVINGS WE CAN ALL BE LATE TO WORK MONDAY PLS RT— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) March 8, 2015
.@NFL Let's worry about guys who test positive for pot when guys stop testing positive for punching family members— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) March 26, 2015
.@NotreDame Don't feel bad Jesus didn't value his final possessions either— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) March 29, 2015
IF YOU CAN'T SMACK SOMEONE IN THE FACE FOR FUN THEN WHY DO WE PLAY SPORTS— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) April 5, 2015
.@UKCoachCalipari Look on the bright side that's one less day of missed classes for your guys— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) April 5, 2015
.@FloydMayweather is it more fun to punch people for free or when you are being paid— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) April 27, 2015
REMEMBER KIDS, IF YOU STEAL THINGS AND ASSAULT PEOPLE THEN YOU MIGHT BE THE #1 PICK AND GET SUPER RICH BUT wait what is the lesson I forgot— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) May 1, 2015
One of the best times to punch someone in the face is right after he says "May the fourth be with you"— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) May 4, 2015
DON'T FORGET THAT REFEREES EXIST TO RUIN OUR LIVES AND FAMILIES— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) June 8, 2015
.@FBI thank u for protecting America and the Astros farm system— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) June 17, 2015
.@ChrisChristie You couldn't coach Michigan football why do you think you can run a country— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) June 30, 2015
A 4-0 lead in soccer is the same as: 79-0 in baseball 229-0 in football 541-0 in basketball something something in tennis— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) July 5, 2015
.@realDonaldTrump Turn it to FS1 there are a bunch of Mexicans running around kicking people— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) July 20, 2015
Why would you do a bike ride across Iowa when you could instead not do a bike ride across Iowa— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) July 24, 2015
If these idiots could hit a curve ball maybe they wouldn't be stuck in Little League— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) August 15, 2015
.@ashleymadison do you offer a premium membership where the world doesn't find out you signed up— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) August 22, 2015
Not to brag but I just learned there are hot singles in my area that want to meet me— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) August 27, 2015
And now back to your regular scheduled programming.
FOR THE LAST TIME 9/4 IS NOT BO PELINI DAY— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) September 4, 2015
OH SURE WHEN HARBAUGH SCREAMS HE'S A "FIERY COMPETITOR" BUT WHEN I CHOKE A MAILMAN I'M A "MAILMAN CHOKER"— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) September 12, 2015
Imagine being a Malaysian boy working all night to make Oregon uniforms and then they lose by 6 TDs— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) September 27, 2015
Wisconsin fans are horrible -- beer bellies, baggy sweatshirts, scruffy beards. And the guys are even worse— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) October 10, 2015
this is why you don't judge a new coach after half a season knuckleheads— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) November 8, 2015
.@CFBPlayoff Nebraska is undefeated at night keep that in mind when you do your New Years Eve playoff picks— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) November 8, 2015
.@pontifex why do we live in a world where children are starving and Iowa is undefeated— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) November 15, 2015
Let's just save time by having all college coaches move one school to the right— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) November 29, 2015
You can always identify Iowa fans by their baggy yellow sweatshirts, neck beards and beer bellies, and the guys are even worse— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) December 5, 2015
.@ESPN_ReceDavis How is it fair that the Army/Navy game is always played on land— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) December 12, 2015
There's not a clock in volleyball so paying Texas in the championship should be fine— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) December 18, 2015
.@NathanGerry please go stand under the goalpost in your underpants and a stormtroopers helmet and just scream the ref's name— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) December 27, 2015
.@Target ARE YOU AWARE THEY NAMED A STUPID RULE AFTER YOU— Fake Bo Pelini (@FauxPelini) December 27, 2015
And now let’s continue with your regularly scheduled Twitter Recap.
A weak body and a soft mind is the worst combination for a young player. Hard to improve your game when you're fighting yourself.— Phil Beckner (@PhilBeckner) December 29, 2015
That’s a good way to spend the holiday break in KC.
What an educational afternoon pic.twitter.com/u3E1Rhc2q0— Haley Hanson (@hay_hanson) December 29, 2015
I wonder what else the cat has been eating.
Mom: I walked in on your cat eating butter. That's my boy.— Alicia Armstrong † (@arm_strong21) December 30, 2015
Speaking of butter…
I think my mom meant turn up but keeps saying churn up.— Alicia Armstrong † (@arm_strong21) January 2, 2016
Happy New Year!
Faux Pelini and the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl were planning an interesting pre-game ritual.
@FauxPelini some time after 1st half kickoff, we'd say at least 30 minutes or so— BWW Citrus Bowl (@BWWCitrusBowl) January 1, 2016
@FauxPelini what are our options— BWW Citrus Bowl (@BWWCitrusBowl) January 1, 2016
@FauxPelini smh like we're really gonna learn the metric system— BWW Citrus Bowl (@BWWCitrusBowl) January 1, 2016
@FauxPelini no but you gotta stay in that buffalo mascot costume, our pre-game show starts soon— BWW Citrus Bowl (@BWWCitrusBowl) January 1, 2016
@FauxPelini we can't really tell if he laughed, we're bleeding now, is that normal?— BWW Citrus Bowl (@BWWCitrusBowl) January 1, 2016
@FauxPelini he said he wanted to send you a thank you note so we gave him your home address hope that's ok— BWW Citrus Bowl (@BWWCitrusBowl) January 1, 2016
Here are a couple good quotes from Phil Beckner about being patient.
"Long term success is achieved by not trading it for short term pleasure."— Phil Beckner (@PhilBeckner) January 1, 2016
"People fail because they trade what they want most...for what they want at the moment."— Phil Beckner (@PhilBeckner) January 2, 2016
Great places to kick in the New Year!
Being in New Mexico is only half of what made these my favorite views from break ❤️ pic.twitter.com/ieS2yTjM2P— Brooks Brennan (@Bruxy_B) January 1, 2016
Can he can do it all?
After watching this game idk how McCaffrey didn't win the Heisman? The man does everything. He could probably punt better than me too— Sam Foltz (@samfoltz27) January 2, 2016
Do you do this with your kids or significant other?
My dads favorite thing to do is tell me we're going one place then actually take me to Lowe's/Home Depot/Ace Hardware/someplace w tools— Laura Barrow (@lara_bara) January 2, 2016
Nothing beats traveling with the team.
It's weird being in an airport without being in matching jumpsuits with 18 other people.— Alicia Armstrong † (@arm_strong21) January 2, 2016
Let’s go for another one.
What was your first car?
And last but not least…
Adulthood is like the vet, and we’re all dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we’re going.— Brooks Brennan (@Bruxy_B) January 4, 2016
I hope these tweets made your Monday morning and 2015 a bit better. If you missed it, here is last week’s Twitter Recap. GO BIG RED!!!