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Corn Flakes: A Nebraska Squirrel Story

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Did you know there are many many squirrels on Nebraska's campus?

Photo by Richard Heathcote/Getty Images

In case it isn't clear, I'm not all that interested in writing about football right now. Besides, other guys and our gal have you covered on everything Husker.

There was this guy who looked a lot like a squirrel who lived on my dorm floor - Schramm 6. I lived in a corner room, and he lived in the corner room all the way down the hall away from me.

We all knew each other's phone numbers because they were sequential. You just added or subtracted the number of rooms down the hall from your phone number.

So one day this guy is sitting in the lounge watching TV, and I'm down in my room with the door open. I knew he had somewhat of a temper, and it occurred to me it'd be fun to get him going. I call his phone number, and I wait while he realizes it's his phone, runs out of the lounge into his room and right before he can answer the phone call, I hang up.

He's disgusted, but tromps back to the lounge. I wait about three minutes and call again. He runs to his phone and right before he gets there I hang up.

This time he tromps back to the lounge swearing his ass off.

I wait 3-5 minutes, and I call again. By this time, one of my roommates has shown up, and asks what I'm doing. I tell him to watch. I call, there's the run from the room and the hang up. This time, it's swearing, stomping of the feet, and throwing things around his room.

My roommate and I are laughing our asses off, which of course attracts others. By now there are about 6-8 guys standing in my room when I call. And of course, here comes our guy running to his phone but never getting there in time. This time it's escalated into a mother of a swearfest, accompanied by screaming and convulsing.

Unfortunately, this time he looks up and sees a whole group of guys laughing their asses off at the other end of the hallway and me with the phone in my hand because I'm laughing so hard I forgot to put it down.

Squirrel dude starts running down the hall spewing profanity and swearing murderous torturous revenge upon all of us. Everyone scatters, and just as he gets about five feet from my door I slam it shut and lock it, then listen to him pound on the door like a madman. Eventually he wore himself out and stomped back to the lounge cursing my heirs along the way.

Then there's the squirrels at Wisconsin:

Former Husker coach Rich Fisher gets a job.

Conservation book explores history, current state of Nebraska fishes | UNL Newsroom | University of Nebraska–Lincoln

"The Fishes of Nebraska," a recently published book, features information on more than 100 fish species in Nebraska. The book includes an insert of color plates of the fishes, distributional maps, species accounts and descriptions of Nebraska's stream networks. The book also examines how geography, geology and human impact have influenced fish species composition.

If we have squirrels, we might as well have fishes.

Eichorst firm in opposing alcohol sales at Husker home games : Latest Husker News

"... My view would be is if you didn’t have to do that, it’d probably be best not to do that," said Nebraska's athletic director.

This is okay with me, mostly because of health issues I have completely quit drinking, and if I have to quit, all the rest of you sunsabitches have to quit because I can't stand to see everyone else happy.

Big Ten Bracketology: Iowa Rising, Sparty Falling - Off Tackle Empire

Surveying what the experts have to say on the B1G teams in the Big Dance.

Does not include Nebraska.

Huskers Announce Beach Volleyball Schedule - Huskers.com - Nebraska Athletics Official Web Site
The Nebraska beach volleyball season will begin on March 9 with the first home competition in the program's four-year existence.

Carr leads four new College Football Playoff Selection Committee members - CBSSports.com

Four new members were added Thursday to the College Football Playoff Selection Committee, led by legendary Michigan coach Lloyd Carr.

Old white men run everything. They do.

Nike set to launch national 7-on-7 football league in five major cities - CBSSports.com

Nike is well into launching a national seven-on-seven league, CBS Sports has learned, that has the potential to further change the face of recruiting, NCAA enforcement and college football.

Where the players pay $1,000 to partake.

Young, gifted and held back | The Economist

The world’s young are an oppressed minority. Unleash them

I've told my children repeatedly that they should euthanize my entire generation when we turn 70 because they'll no longer be able to afford us anyway.

What they don't realize is that their children will do the same to them!!!!!

That will be the greatest practical joke I've ever pulled, and it will happen years and years after I'm gone! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Then There's This: