It's that time of the year, everyone. The time of year when Adidas inspires everyone to want their team to get underpaid as a Nike advertisement. When we start wondering whether Ms. Periwinkles' kindergarten class is really getting paid enough for Adidas designs. When the curmudgeons and the "SUPER HIP COOL KIDS" come to blows over stripes and authentically distressed neon highlighters.
Yup, it's uniform reveal season!
Louisville, Miami, and UCLA have all had their reveals. Here's a rapid recap:
Fear, thy name is weird word art designs.
It gets worse: Nebraska's reveal is this Thursday. To get us all frothing at the mouth about someone even TOUCHING a uniform that is already beyond perfection, Adidas and Nebraska have been tweeting out teasers all week:
So let's get down to brass tacks, everyone. Based on the "clues" released so far, what do you predict Nebraska and Adidas to reveal on Thursday? Will they be this year's alternate or modifications to the base uniform?
Joe Canale: Two words; Red Thongs.
Husker Mike: I believe these will be modifications to the base uniform, but will be minor considering the traditional look. The home red jerseys will get a texture to them; some people will denigrate them as skid marks.
Jon J: There were clues?
Did they involve onions? Because what I've found is that uniforms are like onions. They have a lot of layers. I think our uniforms this year will have tear-offs. They'll go onto the field wearing one thing, but when the game starts, they tear it off in dramatic fashion and they look completely different when they actually take the field for the first series.
As long as there is no purple, I'm okay.
Brian: Two phrases... Houndstooth and a smooshed spider.
Joe Canale: For the record, "smooshed spider" is a euphemism for a players junk outline, visible underneath a tight red thong.
Ranchbabe: Paisley - add some red paisley to the surrender whites and a black skull paisley pattern to the helmets. Voila!
Salt Creek: RB, you've just given Adidas the 2016 design. I hope you're happy.
As for 2015, while it doesn't seem like teaser tweets were really that indicative of anything with the final jersey, it's worth noting that there were some design consistencies between Adidas' teasers and the final jersey reveals at the three previous schools. So acting under that assumption, here's my guess IF this is an alternate uniform reveal:
- Get ready for another all-black uniform. Instead of stencils for numbers, we're going to get the equally hideous all-red numbers with weird webbing! (DEAD DICTIONARY SPIDERMAN, you heard it here first.)
- The helmet will probably fade from white to black to red. Glossy helmets are back!
- The shoulder stripes will look like the uniforms were attacked by a bear.
If it's just a reveal of the 2015 base uniform, expect it to look mostly the same except just like everyone else's jerseys, they'll look like they were attacked by a bear after walking through a tunnel of cobwebs. Oh, and they could get really feisty and create a mix and match set with a NEW HELMET. Because the internet runs on clicks and oh god the clicks we'll get if Nebraska gives us a new helmet to obsess over.
So yes, I'm very afraid. My curmudgeonly old self can't handle all of this tomfoolery.
Truly, we have no idea what to expect because Adidas is involved. No one could've predicted the last few "Unrivaled" jersey designs. What we can expect is a lot of marketing buzzwords about speed and toughness. "THESE STRIPES ARE AERODYNAMIC."
Anyways, here's hoping Ms. Periwinkle's kindergarten class was particularly creative this year.
Oh, before we get to your comments, let's check Twitter.
OH BOY, A UNIFORM TWEET.
FIRST LOOK: The 2015-16 "HWCN" uniforms for the Adidas colleges: pic.twitter.com/foCCMg13mq
— Conrad Burry (@conradburry) July 22, 2015
Oh for Pete's sake, Adidas. You're just trying to annoy us now.