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FOOD TOURNEY COMPLAINT: WHERE ARE THE GREAT GAS STATIONS AT?

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HOT TAKES COMING, GET YOUR OVEN MITTS READY.

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LOOKIE LOOKIE CORNNUTTION STAFF GOT THEMSELVES A FOOD TOURNAMENT GOING ON.

ONLY PROBLEM - THEY FORGOT THE GAS STATIONS AS IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT. YOU GOT YOUR HOLIDAY, YOUR SA, YOUR KWIK TRIP, YOUR CASEY'S AND THEN THERE'S KUM N' GO, WHICH OUGHTA WIN THE WHOLE DAMNED SHEBANG ON ACCOUNT OF THE NAME ALONE.

PROLLY WOULDN'T BE FAIR THOUGH NO SIRREEE. AIN'T A SINGLE DAMNED ONE OF THESE RESTRAUNTS FROM WHICH YOU CAN WALK OUT ON A HOT SUNDAY AFTERNOON CARRYING A COLD 12-PACK OF 3.2 MIILWAUKEE'S BEST THEN COOL YASELF DOWN UNDER THE SHADY TREE AND WATCH THE TEENAGE GIRLS COME INTO GET THEIR CHERRY SLURPEE OR SLUSHEE OR SOME SORT OF FROZEN CONCOCTION IN THE HOPES THAT THEY SPILL IT DOWN THE FRONT OF THEIR TUBE TOP AND THEN YOU CAN MAGINE HELPING THEM OUT WITH ALL THAT MESS CEPT YOU GOT THAT PAROLE VIOLATION SIGN BANGING ON AND OFF LIKE A GIANT NEON SIGN THAT ONLY YOU CAN SEE.

IS THAT HAPPENING OUTSIDE A MISTY'S OR CULVERS? NOOOO SIRREEE IT AIN'T.

YOU KNOW YOU ALL HITTIN' THE PAY INSIDE BUTTON ON YOUR CARD SO YOU CAN WALK IN THERE AND GET SOME OF THAT $1 BREAKFAST PIZZA OR A 2 FOR $3.50 SAMMICH THAT LOOK AND TASTE JUST LIKE THAT MCD'S MCMUFFIN AND WHERE ELSE YOU GONNA FIND A CHUCKWAGON SAMMICH? WHOLE DAMNED WORLD STOPPED MAKIN EM CEPT GAS STATIONS.

THERE'S THE WHOLE STATE OF SMALL TOWN IOWEGIA THAT FEEDS ITSELF OFF CASEY'S YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT.

I LIKE THEM 2 FOR $3 GATORADE LEMON LIMES, YOU CAN TAKE A FEW DRINKS OFF THE TOP AND FILL THE REST WITH VODKA AIN'T NO ONE GONNA KNOW BETTER WHEN YOU HIT THE STRUCTION SITE.

END OF DAY YOU KNOW YOU'RE STOPPIN BY AGIN PICK UP A 12-PACK OF BEER ON ACCOUNT NONE OF THE REGULAR BEER PLACES DON'T LET YOU SHOP THERE NO MORE BUT THE GAS PEOPLE THEY DON'T CARE AND THAT 3.2 ISN'T MUCH DIFFERENT THAN THAT PISSY BUD LIGHT MICHELOB BEER YOU DRINK ESPECIALLY IF YOU CHUG DOWN THE FIRST THREE.

ONLY THING I SAY IS STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM THINGS THEY CALL HOT DOGS. I SAW THAT ONE COMMERCIAL ABOUT GAS STATION SUSHI I AIN'T NEVER SEEN IT BUT THEM HOT DOGS AND SAUSAGES WILL GIVE YOU HEART BURN AND DAMNED NEAR KILL YOU JUST THE SAME. SOMETIMES THEY GOOD FOR CLEANIN' THINGS OUT THO.

SOMETIMES I DRINK THE COFFEE SPECIALLY IF I THINK THERE'S A PEE TEST COMIN UP THAT WEEK. IT TASTES LIKE COFFEE SPOSED TO.....

I MET MY GIRLFRIEND AT A GAS STATION. SWEET THING AND I FIGHTIN' OVER THE LAST PICKLE IN A BAG. SHE LET ME HAVE IT BUT SHE GOT A PICKLE ANYWAY YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

AH HELL NO NEED ALL YOU NICE PEOPLE ADMIT YOU WOULDN'T STUFF ALL SIX OF THEM ON SALE DONUTS BY THE COUNTER DOWN YOUR GULLET BY THE TIME YOU GOT TO YOUR OFFICE JOB WITH FROSTIN SMEARED ON YASELF LIKE YOU BEEN SNORTIN SOME KINDA POWDER.

YOU ALL GO ON NOW AND HAVE YOUR HIGH TIMIN' FOOD TOURNEY WITH ALL THEM PLACES WHERE YOU GET TO SIT DOWN TO EAT.

ITS ABOUT LUNCH, TIME TO HIT THE TRUCK... COME THINK OF IT WHERE'S THE ROACH COACH MENTIONS IN THIS HERE ALL TOURNAMENT?

DAMNED RAMON. RAMON HE SEES THAT BIG NEON SIGN TOO I KNOW HE DOES. SAW HIM YESTERDAY STICK A BOOGER ON THIS GUY'S BACON SAMMICH. MINE BE FREE TODAY OTHERWISE I'M TELLIN.

RAMON... RAMON... YOU BOOGER FLICKIN SHITHEAD...