Mike: One final week for predictions...even though the Huskers ain’t playing, we’re still predicting…
Joe Canale: At least we know the Huskers won’t lose.
Adam: It’s Championship Weekend. Where has the season gone?
Ty: No Husker football, but Husker Volleyball starts the push to Omaha… So I’ll pick some games, even though this has gone REAL badly for me this year…
Patrick G: Wait, isn’t it basketball season now?
Pat Janssen: It’s 42 degrees in Burbank, California right now. Nothing about this football season has gone right.
Brian: It’s a balmy 43 in DFW. Should have got firewood.
West Virginia (-6.5) at Kansas State
Joe: um….why are these teams playing? i’m gonna say doesn’t matter wins agains who cares 10-9.
Mike: Gotta play out the string...plus, FS1 needs a game to show. But yeah. Kansas State 31, West Virginia 28
Adam: I hate that the Big 12 has to have regular season games on Championship Weekend. They need to add 2 more schools to bring back the Big 12 Championship game. So just do it. I have West Virginia 49 Kansas State 35.
Ty: It’s too bad that we’re not picking a KU game. I propose KU plays UCF in some sort of consolation bowl. ANYWAY, Who knows? At K-State. Hmm… Fightin’ Bill Snyders by 6 over Holgerson’s hair.
Patrick G: I’m treating this as the Big 12 championship game. Why? Because it makes sense in Big 12 land to do so. This is a place where teams come and go, the southern teams are usually the best, and no one plays defense. Wait, didn’t I just describe the Sun Belt Conference?
West Virginia 42 Kansas State 29
Jon J: West Virginia is beating the shit out of Kansas State 45-3 when in the third quarter all those flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz fly into the stadium and start tearing at the heads of all the West Virginia players, whether they’re on the sidelines or not. Well, no one can play football with flying monkeys attacking them, and it’s not in the rulebook, and they’re not attacking Kansas State, so the game continues with a furious rally by the Wildcats to win 48-45 when a flying monkey intercepts a pass, then drops it to a Kansas State player who runs it in for the winning score.
Pat Janssen: Two unpredictable bunches. One cranky pants-shitting coach versus a coach who has probably drunkenly shit his pants. I’m taking the young one. West Virginia by two touchdowns. Couch Burners 45, Mouth Breathers 31
Brian: Because, if you’re Bob Bowlsby, you have to schedule this game right now. YOU HAVE TO. I mean, what is going to influence Championship SaturHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH god who cares. West Virginia cause chaosball.
Pac-12 Championship at Levi’s Stadium, Santa Clara, CA
Southern Cal (+4.5) at Stanford
Joe: I’d like to see USC lay an egg here, mainly because I’d like to get a lot of the California recruits we’ve offered and I feel like USC is after some of them as well. Also have you met a USC fan?
Mike: Wait, what. Recruiting? (#fartNoise) Stanford has come a long, long way from the start of the season. While this is a defacto home game (played 13 miles from campus), nobody in the Bay Area really gives a crap about Stanford. Both teams are coming off of emotional rivalry wins, so it’s down to who’s the better team. USC already named Clay Helton the man for next season, so that drive might gone as well. So I’ll just go with the better team: Tree 38, Condoms 28
Adam: Expect a lot of points! PAC 12 Football is just awesome. I love Stanford in this game. Their ground and pound offense will eventually wear down the USC defense.
Stanford 35 USC 21.
Ty: Stanford’s found ways to win, but so has USC. However, USC has found ways to do all kinds of weird stuff… mostly inexplicable losses. Stanford by two touchdowns.
Patrick G: This should be a fairly good game depending on which USC team shows up. USC has been better/worse than people expect all year. I am hoping the better version of the squad shows up. With that said, I’m still picking Stanford and their coaching staff to pull it off.
Stanford 27 USC 17
Jon: Charleston Heston shows up, drunk as hell and convinced that he’s been named the next head coach at USC after misreading an article about Clay Helton. No one questions Heston, lest he bring God’s Wrath upon them, so he runs up and down the sidelines whipping the Trojans into a battle-like furor. The field runs red with the blood of the Stanford Cardinals. After the game, Helton is demoted, Heston is promoted, and Haden gets carried off to heaven in a chariot of fire.
Pat Janssen: I’m now terrified by the idea of zombie Charlton Heston. I’m also terrified by the very real possibility that USC will be conference champions and allow those pompous assholes from Ohio State to back their way into the playoff. Trojans 34, Durexes 27
Nathaniel: Stanford builds a treehouse and ambushes the Trojan House to claim victory. Oh wait we’re talking about football...34-27 Stanford
Brian: I can’t trust USC in this one. Stanford just went toe to toe with Notre Dame, Defenses to hell. Cardinals get the win and the Rose Bowl bid cause they sure as hell ain’t getting the CFP spot here.
SEC Championship at Georgia Dome, Atlanta
Alabama (-17.5) vs. Florida
Joe: Wow. I’m not even sure these teams will score at all. I’m guessing the over under is like 18? Lets say 17-0. Tide rolls but their fans all lose money.
Mike: Florida has tanked the last two weeks - nearly losing at home to Florida Atlantic then scoring two points against the ‘Noles. The only way that the Gators can pull off the upset is if this was a plan to sandbag ‘Bama. No way the pupil puts one past the master, though the master won’t rub his understudy’s nose into the mess. Bama 31, Gators 9
Adam: This game is a joke and the SEC is a joke. Florida has no offense at all. They scored 2 points last week against Florida State. Yup, TWO POINTS. I think Alabama rolls in this one.
Alabama 56 Florida 2. (See what I did there?)
Ty: Every single part of me wants to pick Florida, but I just can’t. I can’t pick a team that barely squeaked out a win over FAU. I want Alabama to lose and then listen to Paul Finebaum blame the SEC’s absence from the CFP on the conference’s depth while the B1G has two teams in, but… Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to type that. Oh well, time’s too short to erase. Tide 38, Gatuhs 17.
Patrick G: I’ll speak with basic southern words and I won’t mince dialects.
"‘Bama is good and Florida is less good, y’all."
There, does that work?
Alabama 24 Florida 13
Jon: Florida can’t score, and if they can’t score, they figure the only way they’re going to win is by keeping Alabama from scoring. They know they can’t slow down the Tide’s running game forever, so they devise a plan involving invisible wires. Every time a Tide running back or receiver gets 20 yards down the field, Gator trainers on each sideline pull the wires tight, tripping the running back or receivers. They complain, but everyone just thinks they’re clumsy and nervous. The whole plan goes awry, when in the third quarter they hold the invisible wire too high and decapitate Derrick Henry as he breaks away on a potential game winner.
Pat Janssen: Oh, how I desperately want to see the SEC eat itself alive and deprive the league of a playoff team. But not-Jim Delaney won’t let that happen. Neither will Florida’s impotent offense. Tide 31, Gators 10
Nathaniel: Gators get exposed two weeks in a row and limp into the postseason. Bama rolls 30-5
Brian: Holy hell… 17 ½? What a teaser bet here. Florida just doesn’t have the Offense here, although Jim McElwain has done the job of the year getting a team that Muschamp almost fanagled to hell playing well. Roll Tide, punch your ticket to New Orleans.
ACC Championship at Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte
Clemson (-6) vs. North Carolina
Joe: Everyone is rooting for North Carolina. And this is really Clemson’s last chance to "Clemson" this season. I say they gag it up. N. Carolina 31- Clemson 30
Mike: Not happening. Clemson won’t Clemson in the biggest game of the season. North Carolina’s defense is much improved this season, but it won’t be enough this week. Clempson 38, Heels 28
Adam: Clemson is the best team in the country. Period. They are too good to lose this game. I think it will be close, but Clemson will pull it out in the end.
Clemson 38 North Carolina 35.
Ty: Whether or not it’s always pretty, Clemson has won every game they’ve played this year. NC is better than a lot of people realize, but did still find a way to lose to South Carolina. I’ll take the Tigers by a touchdown.
Patrick G: The only people who are saying North Carolina will win this game are the people who want something to talk about. Basically all the college football talking heads out there who need viewership. Clemson wins
Clemson 35 North Carolina 14
Pat Janssen: Clemson seems less Clemson-y this year, but they also seem less dynamic. I think they’re going to struggle to keep pace with UNC’s horsepower. Heels 35, Faces 31
Nathaniel: This will be the most exciting game to watch this weekend. North Carolina can’t stop scoring and Clemson has showed its imperfections the past couple weeks. I think North Carolina takes a big lead early but ‘Clempsons’ the games and the Tigers rally into the playoff.
Clemson 48 UNC 45
Brian: This game is odd to me. UNC has clearly overachieved this year, but hey, you’ve got a outside shot at the CFP if you knock off the King of the Hill. Meanwhile, Clemson got caught looking ahead against a team last week in South Carolina that is about to give their program to Will Muschamp even after the warning labels have been thrown their way. Onto the game, UNC’s D is good, Clemson’s will be better. Dabo gonna #BRINGYOUROWNGUTS to the CFP and Arlingon on New Year’s Eve.
Big Ten Championship at Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis
Michigan State (-3.5) vs. Iowa
Joe: It’d be nice if we were the only team to beat the National Champs. Also I hate Iowa
MSU 100- Iowa 3
Mike: The only reason to pick Iowa is fate. Every time you doubt Iowa, they win anyway. Except that now Iowa is on the big stage. They haven’t been here before. We can argue all we want whether they should even be there in the first place, but it’s moot. They’re in Indianapolis. But Sparty knows the routine. They’ve been there before. They know what to do. And more importantly, Michigan State is pretty good and deserving to be there. Sparty 31, Squawks 10.
Adam: Here’s your game of the week. The College Football Playoff play-in game. I still think Iowa is overrated. Nebraska should have beat them, simple as that. I like Connor Cook to kill this Iowa secondary, even their star CB Desmond King. Michigan State is hungry too. They really want to win it all this season.
Michigan State- 49 Iowa-21.
Ty: I want to pick against Iowa, I do. And really, my picking them is probably exactly what they need, but that team has just won. It’s not pretty most of the time, but the scoreboard doesn’t lie. The ability to grind out games and find a way to be ahead at the end will benefit this team well in this game and going forward. Hawkeyes 24, Sparty 21.
Patrick G: Boring vs. Less Boring (I’ll let you chose who is who in this situation). Iowa could have been beaten by a lot of teams this year and that’s not saying much when you look at the schedule. They’re a good team, and they will get beat by a better team.
Michigan State 21 Iowa 14
Jon: The Iowa players are discussing what happened at the Kansas State game just before their own game is about to start. One of them wonders out loud, "If the Wicked Witch of the West knew that water would make her melt, why did she even have it in her castle?" Another points out that she might have been suicidal. An usher overhears the conversation and relates that "perhaps she kept a bucket of it to remind her of her own mortality."
"What’s that mean?", asks a player.
"That life is precious and can be so easily destroyed."
The remark renders 21 of the Hawkeyes catatonic. Attempts to revive them with their coloring books and plushy toys fail, and Iowa goes on to get destroyed by Sparty, whose players already knew of these things by the time they were seven.
Pat Janssen: Say what you will about those sons of bitches to the east, but they keep winning. I do, however, think that ends here. Sparty 31, Herky 17
Nathaniel: Connor Cook will dethrone Desmond King and the Spartans defense. It will be up to the Sparty defense to prevent big plays from Iowa. Iowa loses big 45-17.
Brian: Every time you think Iowa is going to shit the bed, they find a way to get through it this year. Wisconsin, Tommy Armstrong, Pitt… they have done what was asked of them. But, now, Ferentz has to gamble a little bit on Offense to win a game that their D may not be able to just freeze out a team if/when they get up 2 scores. It’s for a CFP title, and I can’t bet against Dantonio and the team that is cooler in the moment. Not saying Iowa’s not had a great year, because whether Nebraska fans want to admit it or not, it’s been pretty good. That being said, Sparty will. And they will go back to Arlington to another Cotton Bowl vs. Clemson on NYE.