Big Red Cobcast: I'm Ashamed Of Myself.

Forgive me.

Let's start with that.

My first instinct after sleeping on this and then listening to it after I had calmed down, was not to publish it. I'm ashamed of myself. I was behaving like a spoiled child who didn't get what he wanted for christmas. I'm an adult, that's mad about a game.

When i was 10, I would play Super Tecmo Bowl and I'd be the Houston Oilers. Warren Moon all day. Greatest quarterback ever. On the rare occasion that I would lose, I would throw my controller against the wall and yell about how "the game cheats".

My parents should have spanked me more.

That's how it feels right now. It feels like the game cheats. It feels like everybody is against the Huskers. Like God or some sort of higher power, maybe the curse of Frank Solich, doesn't want us to ever feel happiness again. It doesn't feel fun anymore. I don't like getting made fun of at bars, I don't like getting heckled by fans of schools with no tradition by kids too young to remember who Tommie Frazier was. It won't be long until the young bucks don't know about Tom Osborne.

Those aren't things I can control.

I can control myself. I'm not ashamed of myself because I got so mad but because I let my love of winning matter more than my love of Nebraska. I didn't act like a fan I acted like a fanatic. I'm not a Husker fan only because of football. I'm a Husker fan because I love my home state. I love having something that no matter where I go I can relate to my friends and family back home about. That's why I'm a Husker fan. I'm a Husker fan because when we win, we win the right way, but more important than that, when we lose we lose the right way too. I didn't lose the right way. Honestly, I didn't lose at all. The team lost and I'm sure they know it without another rant from a sore, 30 something like myself.

I made a movie about what Husker fans are and I'm not living up to the standards that I set for myself and hold all of us up too. That's why I'm posting it, in spite of being embarrassing to myself. Was I wrong about everything? No. Should I have been more thoughtful about my words. Yes.  If any players happen to read this, I still believe in you and I know most of us still do. So let's go beat Michigan State, fellas.

The game doesn't cheat. But it still sucks to lose.

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