Husker Mike: An awful lot of teams on a bye this week; seems like a pretty light schedule.
Joe Canale: I didn’t make any predictions last week and we won. So that’s gonna continue.
Pat Janssen: Let my season of suck continue!
Keith: Is it April yet?
Brian: This is a touch… .bare this week.
Ranchabe: Alright - which teams that I know nothing about can I mischaracterize this week?
Adam: Wow this weeks game slate sucks. What a joke.
Clemson (-7) at Miami
Pat Janssen: Clemson’s gonna keep on Clemsoning. Miami continues to do just enough to make it hard to fire Al Golden. Canes 31, Tigers 27
Husker Mike: This isn’t the week for a Clemsoning. Not against Al Golden. Clempson 34, the u 24
Nathaniel: Like the Florida State game, I think Miami will keep it close but fall just short again.
Tigers 30 Hurricanes 24
Keith: Clemson actually dominates Miami fairly easily in this game. Take Clemson by two touchdowns.
Jon: I’d really like Clemson to lose here. They are 6-0 and I hate every undefeated team. I want them to lose and feel bad about themselves because deep inside I hate humanity. When’s the end of the world coming? Maybe this year. Miami 38, Clemson 10
Ranchbabe: I believe the Husker season has reached a point where I am supposed to root for chaos and mayhem. The Tigers end up in Mexico as Patricia makes landfall. The strongest hurricane in history totally….wait, what? Wrong hurricane? Sigh. Al Golden wears a polo shirt to the game and is seen on the sidelines sitting on a bean bag doing soduko and asking the assistant coaches how much more his buyout is worth than theirs. I want the Hurricanes to win, but they won’t. Clemson 40-something Miami 20 points less.
Shitbag Ballcowski: Hello my friends. I am doing predictions for one of the cobcast guys who isn’t wanting to be jinxing his huskers. In honor of the biggest hurricane ever I am picking the Clemson to win. I am unsure of American Football scoring so I will say 100-4.
Adam: This should be an interesting contest. I think Miami will make it a close game because they are at home. But Clemson is a Playoff contender. Clemson 28 Miami 17.
Brian: Fly the Fire Al Golden banner some more. A half-empty stadium, a half-empty effort from the Canes.
Wisconsin (-7) at Illinois
Pat Janssen: Screw it. My pick record sucks this year anyway. I’m going with the upset. Illinois looks better than expected, and I’m not sold on Wisconsin. The Illini get a little help from the wind (again) and escape with an ugly win. If it can happen to us, it can happen to those bastards from Madison. Illinois 17, Sconnie 14
Husker Mike: It’s starting to sound like Corey Clement has a bout of Joel Stave’s yips; he almost seems scared to get into the game. While Wisconsin could sure use Clement, they don’t need him against Illinois. Bucky 35, Making Me Ill 20
Nathaniel: Wisconsin squeaks by again with another last minute field goal. Bucky 20 Illini 17
Keith: Illinois can’t run, Illinois can’t pass. Illinois can’t stop the run. Wisconsin by 18.
Jon: Both of them beat us in the last few seconds; the hell with the both of them. You’d think Wisconsin should easily win this, but they’re not that good on offense. Illinois, on the other hand, can score some points (ok, they’re not a juggernaut, but they score more than Wisconsin). I’m going with the home team - Illini 31, Wisconsin 28
Ranchabe: I keep predicting safeties and tie games in these dreadful B1G matchups but no one has obliged. It will make me feel better (no, it won’t) when Joel Stave rushes for 250 yards against that Illinois defense. Coach Riley and staff review the game tape and develop the perfect game plan which involves #RunningTheDadgummedBall against the Illini. Unbeknownst to us, the Nebraska Athletic Performance Lab turns out to be the secret landing point for the "Back to the Future" car. Michael J. Fox takes the Huskers back in time three weeks and we win 35-17. After that, the Huskers ride their newfound momentum and trounce the Badgers at home. After that I no longer care who wins between Wiscy and Illinois.
Shitbag Ballcowski: Hello again my friends. It is still me doing the pickses for the Cobcast guy. These teams both were lucky winners against our beloved Red Bigs. Therefore they will both shake hands at the beginning of the game and agree to a 0-0 tie.
Adam: I hate Wisconsin. So that means Wisconsin loses this game! Illinois 21 Wisconsin 14.
Brian: I would give Illinois a better chance but Josh Ferguson won’t be in the lineup. Wisconsin wins by a TD and barely pushes.
Kansas State (+4) at Texas
Pat Janssen: Oklahoma was pissed about its loss to Texas. Really pissed. Like racists-talking-about-black-stormtroopers pissed. And they took it out on K-State. Now that anger is being passed onto the Wildcats, who will then take it out on a Texas team that the media is already starting to like again. Wildcats 34, ‘Horns 27
Husker Mike: Texas has had two full weeks to celebrate their Golden Hat, while Kansas State has spent the last week getting Schooner-tracks off their backs. The transitive property says take Texas, but that never holds in football. Wildkittens 27, Bovines 21
Nathaniel: Will the Wildcats be able to recover after the Oklahoma massacre. Are Texas fans still mourning the death of Bevo along with their football program? Texas misses another extra point and loses by a point. Wildcats 27 Shorthorns 26
Keith: This game ends in Bill Snyder writing a very nice note to the entire Texas team congratulating them on how well they played, and how they are a bunch of outstanding young men. That’s a load of shit, so KSU 44, Texas 28
Jon: Nobody picked Texas? Nobody? Well…. I’m not going to either. Just because they caught Oklahoma standing around in one game doesn’t mean they’ve turned things around. Kansas State will out turnover them to death. KSU 21, Texas 3
Shitbag Ballcowski: I think you get it by now. I do all the picks. I am glad these two stinky teams don’t play the Nebraskas anymore. Bill Snyder is an unfunny cross between Bernie Sanders and Colonel Sanders. I can’t pretend I care about this game and one of the things I love about your country is that I have the freedom to waste your time reading this not prediction. USA!
Ranchbabe: Bevo died. The curse is broken. Except that K-State held some kind of weird voodoo magic over Texas in a way that Husker fans viewed jealously. Does this mean the curse is actually a double jinx reverse and Nebraska was chased out of the Big 12 so that Bevo’s death broke the Snyder spell without having to deal with a resurgent Nebraska ready to feast on tough, stringy Longhorn meat? No, I don’t have any idea what I just typed either. KSU 41 Texas 27
Adam: Texas is one of the worst teams in College Football. But Kansas State isn't much better. First team to 28 wins! Kansas State 28 Texas 17.
Brian: I don’t think K-Sucks is as bad as they showed last week, but Texas may, MAY be turning a corner. Horns win by less than a TD.
Utah (+3.5) at Southern Cal
Pat Janssen: Utah’s really damn good. USC is the hot mess that everyone who didn’t have a vote in the AP poll predicted they would be by this point. Utes 31, Trojans 21
Husker Mike: Talk about getting no respect. The Utes are in position for a spot in the playoff - but Vegas has them an underdog to an unranked Southern Cal. Does Vegas know anything, or are they just trying to take SoCal money? Utes 38, Condoms 20
Nathaniel: Vegas is officially on crack. Utes won’t need a trojan horse for this game.
Utes 34 Trojans 24
Keith: The money line in this is only Utah +145, which really is not that great of a deal. But hell, I would throw a grand on it and take the easy $450. Utah 39, Trojans 16.
Jon: Utah 45, USC 28
Ranchbabe: I am too old to stay up and watch Pac12 football anymore, especially when the Huskers have an 11 a.m. kickoff. My prediction? Someone hacked Vegas’ computers and are trolling them. Utes way more than the Trojans.
Shitbag Ballcowski: I think this game is upsetting. When I say this I mean that I think the team that is supposed to lose is going to be winning. So that means the Uters will lose. again 100-4
Adam: Interesting matchup here. This is the 'Pac 12 After Dark' game! I like Utah in a close road win! Utah 48 USC 45.
Brian: Utah is better than people acknowledge, especially in-conference. Utes will win this due to the fact that USC is a tirefire.
Northwestern (+7.5) at Nebraska
Pat Janssen: In previous years, a big win usually meant a dud of a follow-up (remember that loss to Northwestern four years ago). This year, it feels like the start of something big. Bigger than anyone else is predicting. I’ll just leave it at that. Huskers 37, Wildcats 10
Husker Mike: I’m 7-0 predicting Nebraska games this season, and that means I haven’t been surprised by this year’s team. Disappointed? Yes. But surprised? Nope. And this week, I’m feeling the optimism, because I like the matchup. Of the teams that Nebraska faces, I think Northwestern is the least capable of exploiting Mark Banker’s horrid pass defense. Northwestern wants to run the ball, but they’ll struggle to do that against a Husker defense that sells out to stop the run. So really, it comes down to whether Nebraska tries to target that 60/40 run/pass balance they had success with last week. If they do that, I like the Big Red going really B1G. NU 41, NW 17.
Nathaniel: Nebraska has to go with a similar game plan as Minnesota (except maybe a little more running and little less passing). I think DPE gets his first punt return for a TD this game to put the game to bed for the Huskers in the 4th quarter. Huskers 41 Chicago Purple Kitties 24
Keith: LOL Northwestern. Nebraska pitches a shutout into the fourth quarter before giving up 20 points. Nebraska 38, Northwestern 20.
Jon: No one is picking Northwestern? No one? Wow. One decent game and you swear that we were back in the driver’s seat of winning the Big Ten West. There are no close games in these predictions despite how close the games between these teams have been in the past few seasons. Everyone has a nervous breakdown. Nebraska 28, Northwestern 27
Ranchbabe: Like Husker Mike said, this is a great matchup for the Huskers on paper. If only games were played on paper this season….. Anyway, the more I think about this one, the more I think the Wildcats will make it closer than I originally thought. Then again, the Huskers have WAY more depth than NW. Then again, we have seen some inexplicable game planning from the Huskers. I think they’ve learned their lesson and rack up 250 rush yards while Jordan Westerkamp continues to torture the Wildcats with clutch 3rd down catches. Huskers 30-ish Wildcats 20-ish.
Shitbag Ballcowski: Because of Superstition I can not pick this game. It is my favorite Stevie Wonder song and it is playing now so I must leave and go dance. No pick. (Joe apologizes for this horrible character and all of the "jokes" associated with it).
Adam: Northwestern always plays Nebraska close. This should be a fun matchup. A horrible pass offense vs a horrible pass defense. I like Nebraska in a comfortable win. Nebraska 35 Northwestern 17.
Brian: Northwestern’s D is pretty decent, but I don’t get how NW thinks their Secondary can completely shut down Nebraska’s pass catchers. Look for more wrinkles and RUN THE EVERLOVING DAMN BALL. Huskers get back to even for the year with a 12 point win.