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Breaking The Four-Loss String: Time For Fans To Start The Season ANew

Rob Jefferies

Six consecutive four-loss seasons.

I've been racking my brain lately about what it will take for Nebraska to break that streak. There's been plenty of caterwauling about the head coach, the quarterback, the offense, the defense, but there's been little said about what the fans can do to do their share.

It's time for Husker fans to step up their game, and I'm not talking about old people standing up or fans not leaving the game early. I'm talking about something much more important, but that's also been overlooked and taken for granted.

What we're after is a championship whether another national title or a Big Ten championship, and every championship team requires proper coaching and good athletes, but they also require luck. Fans can't do a thing about the coaching or the athletes, but they sure as hell can do something about luck.

You believe it. You know you do. Maybe you're the type that throws a beer over your shoulder or murders a chicken before each game, but you believe in luck just the same.

You wear the same lucky t-shirt to on gameday that you've worn for the past 12 years, that lucky baseball cap, the one that Tom Osborne touched when you happened to run into him at Walmart, your lucky Husker underwear, or that old Big Eight shirt that's barely hanging on.

Unfortunately, none of those pieces of clothing are working anymore as evident by the consecutive four-loss seasons, losing to teams they shouldn't and a seasonal blow-out that never should have happened. You may have not accepted responsibility for those, preferring to fire all the coaches or burn them alive, but I'm telling you now that you bear just as much blame as anyone else.

Your lucky Husker clothing isn't working anymore because all their luck has been used up.

What else is to explain all this? Rather than debate whether or not it's true, consider the possibility that it is.

And if that's the case, this season it's time to start anew.

That means no wearing your old lucky Husker clothes.

It doesn't mean buying an entirely new wardrobe either.

My recommendation is that you start the season nude...  to wash away all the bad luck that's been associated with the past. If you're incapable of starting nude (laws or something, certainly not because you're a prude), you can pick one article of Husker clothing, and if the Huskers win their first game (a pretty good bet), you can consider it lucky and continue to wear it the next week.

If the Huskers lose, you discard the piece of clothing you added that week. It's the only way to make sure that what you're wearing is actually contributing to Husker luck. If the Huskers keep winning, everyone will be well prepared for winter, providing fans pick their wardrobe appropriately. Perhaps as the season goes on, CN will offer fashion tips to make sure fans aren't in position to have something frozen off attending those late-season games.

There are additional benefits beyond just the addition of luck to the Husker football team:

- It will lead to more interesting Husker watch parties, and a much more interesting game day - at least at the start of the season.

- It will improve the economy of Nebraska as everyone will be in the market for new Husker gear (for example, a Corn Nation hoodie).

- You'll make a load of whole new friends! You might not have the best body in the world but so what? If there's anything rampant porn on the internets have taught us it's that there's somebody for everybody.

- It might lead to population growth. Hey, you want more Division I athletes out of Nebraska, maybe you ought to start producing more babies.

Tell your friends, your co-workers, it's time to start over. Never mind being modest, this is about HUSKER FOOTBALL AND CHAMPIONSHIPS. If you can't get behind it, one has to question whether you're the Husker fan you claim to be.

I know what I'll be wearing the first game of the season.