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Kearney Man To Change Legal Name to "9-4"

Jon Johnston

A Kearney man is fed up with Nebraska's string of consecutive 9-4 seasons, so fed up, that he's decided to change his legal name to "9-4".

23-year old Tyler Thompson said that he's had enough of Nebraska football's above average performance, and along with changing his name, won't be wearing Husker gear until the season's outcome changes. He'll continue to watch the games and cheer for the Huskers, but without the same enthusiasm

"It wouldn't bother me if they went 7-5 one year, and it'd be nice if they were to go 10-2 or better but this constant nine wins and four losses thing is driving me insane. It's like ordering the same thing at Burger King every time you go there. BK has chicken sandwiches, too, you don't have to get the medium Whopper meal every time."

His friends are beset with anger and confusion.

"9 and 4? What kind of name is that?" asked Wendy Ackerman, a close friend of Thompson's, to which Thompson responded, "It's not "9 and 4", it's "9 dash 4".

"It's one of his typical douchebag moves", said friend Noah Boomington, pointing out that half of Bo Pelini's seasons have actually ended with a 10-4 record. "He could change his name to "Four Losses A Year", but then everyone would be reminded of what a loser he is."

Asked if he would be willing to change his name again should Nebraska do better, Thompson responded, "Oh yeah. I love the sound of SIX NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS, but I'm not holding my breath for that."

"We actually challenged him to hold his breath until Pelini wins a championship, but he wasn't interested in that because he'd be dead and we wouldn't have to put up with him.", Boomington replied, noting that Thompson had a decent collection of Husker gear that he would swipe in a moment's notice were Thompson to expire.