Staff Predictions: Bye Week Part Two

Husker Mike: No Husker game this week, but a bunch of interesting games elsewhere.

Jon J: This is the best week of the season! We’re not playing, yet other teams get to see their hopes dashed! What would be best is if all the top teams lose. Well, except for Michigan State because I hate Ohio State that much, not because it’d help the Big Ten chances at a playoff berth. I’m getting redundant, but I want everyone to start repeating - we want two loss teams across the board.

Ranchbabe: Could be a fun weekend. Chaos, mayhem, cats and dogs, crossing the streams...I’m running out of cliches…..

Brian: Well, well, well… the last month of the regular season comes. What will it bring?

Iowa (-1.5) at Minnesota

Husker Mike: Iowa looked really good last week. In fact, too good to be true.  Goofers 27, Squawkeyes 24.

Jon J: Rivalry game for a pig trophy where the line is within 1.5 on the road. It doesn’t get much better than that! The weather is looking kind of Novembery; the kind of weather that old-fashioned Big Ten football was made for. What’s that got to do with this game? I have no idea, I’m just writing things. Minnesota 21, Iowegia 19

Ranchbabe: It would be more fun if they played for real bacon. I know I’d try a lot harder. Cholesterol be damned. Iowa has been playing well. Minnesota has not been playing as well. I’d like to see the Gophers get back on track for this one, but I’m not sure it will happen. I highly recommend this game for anyone with fussy babies--should put them right to sleep. Hawkeyes 17 Gopher 14

Brian: I’m trying to figure out which team is for real here. I think Iowa is, but then again, we all expect the Hawkeyes to falter. Maybe because deep down, we’re scared shitless as Nebraska fans for that Heroes game to actually mean the winner goes to Indy and the loser fends off HC firing reports. I, however, can’t buy that Minnesota is doing anything in the last month of the season because Jerry Kill. Give me Iowa here.

Ohio State (+3.5) at Michigan State

Husker Mike: Up until the Penn State game, I thought the Buckeyes had passed up Sparty. I’m still not 100% sold on Michigan State, though.  Gimme Urbz though.  Bucknuts 28, Green Skirt Guy 27

Jon: This should be a most excellent game! These are the two top teams in the Big Ten, winner will probably take the conference. I know I’m supposed to be all homery, but I don’t have to this weeked, so I’m not going to. Ohio State will miss Carlos Hyde in this game. Michigan State will miss…. well, no one, actually which is why they’ll win.

Ranchbabe: Alright CornNation, what is the drinking game for this one? Every time we hear "de facto", "elimination", or some other term? Tell us in the comments. At one time, I had "playoff" in this list, but I don’t have enough beer. I totally think we all need to stage a picture of someone or something sadly eating pizza and post them throughout the game thread whenever the Buckeyes do something bad. You have your mission…I want sad pizza pictures ready by Saturday evening! Oh, and game prediction: Cook carves up the OSU secondary at key moments to pull out the win. Green: 35 Red: 31

Brian: Everyone trying to sell that Michigan State is just not very good. We’ve been on this boat since, what, last year when they played Nebraska? It’ll sink soon sometime, right? Not this week. Spartans pull away in the 4th, confuse JT Barrett, and Urban Meyer eats Papa Johns with a sad again.

Michigan (even) at Northwestern

Husker Mike: Phew...two really underperforming teams here.  Weasels 31, Wildkitties 24

Jon: What? Why? Michigan 3, Northwestern 2, Big Ten Fans 0

Ranchbabe: Can they just flip a coin and allow everyone to just go right to the bar? Hoke is just auditioning for his next job and everyone knows it. What is going to be his next job? Jon, I have a great alternative thread topic for you!

I ditto Jon’s score prediction. (Really, I’m not sucking up to the boss. Really)

Brian: For the families, folks. For the families. Oh, you want a winner? Brady Hoke on the road HAHAHAHA NW wins this one.

Alabama (-6.5) at LSU

Husker Mike: ESPN’s GAME OF THE WEEK!  Except they don’t have the rights to it.  Oh well.  ‘Bama 24, LSU 21

Jon: I am going to wish so hard that Alabama loses that they will, ‘cause I’m tired of the Crimson Tide winning. It’s become boring, tedious, laborious, monotonous as a Lane Kiffin offense and listening to corn grow in the middle of the night when there’s no gal beside you. If Les Miles can’t win this game, he should just go coach at Michigan where there’s real grass he can eat on the sidelines and say stupid things with that dumb grin on his face and we can all be amazed the first two years when they turn it around then laugh like hell when it all falls apart on the third. LSU 9, Alabama 6

Ranchbabe: Husker fans are hoping for an LSU win. America is praying for something other than the 9-6 field goal fest of recent history. They will get their wish--the SEC now hates kickers so much that they don’t have any. Mad Hatter 14 Saban 7. Someone photoshops Saban’s head onto Urbz sad pizza pictures.

Yes, I’m getting too attached to the phrase…"sad pizza". College football slowly eats at the very core of a person’s brain and creates obsessive pockets of rot. 2007 is when the world came to know about this disease. 2014 is a year where the epidemic becomes airborne. Achoo!

Brian: Y’all are so adorable. Saban circles this game and drops his boiling blood all over Tiger Stadium this weekend. It’s a route the likes you haven’t seen since… well, Mississippi St went in to Baton Rouge, drank all the Abita and flipped chairs and tables at Schlitz & Giggles.

Baylor (+5.5) at Oklahoma

Husker Mike: Wait...the Sooners are favored here?  Bears 34, Sooners 31

Jon: As I stated in the Friday Flakes… when did Baylor win in Norman? Never. Never is one of those streaks made to be broken. This is like when you were a virgin, and then, suddenly, you weren’t, and then you never get to be a virgin again. Baylor will still be a virgin. Oklahoma 58, Baylor 48

Ranchbabe: Never is a very long time. It goes on forever. I looked at statistics, rankings, and other important measurements. I decided to choose this game based on which coach would look better photoshopped into the sad pizza picture. I am 8 minutes overdue posting here, so I can’t even create test photoshops….I’ll have to wing it. Sooners 45 Bears 42

Brian: For a team that has a great pair of brotherly DC’s, Oklahoma ain’t stopping much this year are they? I mean, we know Phil Bennett is full of crap, but at the same time, when is someone gonna call out a Stoops brother? Give me Baylor, because if they haven’t learned to win on the road yet, you can just go ahead and give TCU the freaking trophy this year in the Big 12.