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Corny Kickoff Poetry Goes Off the Rails

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We welcome our Boiler brethren to Lincoln for the first time ever with a Cobby original. Plus we rewrite the children's classic "The Little Engine That Could". Only about football. And with rhymes. Trust us....this train is NOT going too fast for that curve.

Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

CN Shorts and #huskerhaiku

We beat Northwestern for "NU".
Then handled Rutgers for the hue.
Whomever's next, we'll know what to do.
Oh, it's Purdue? That stinks. PU.
~David

Huskers are red
This week it's Purdue
Star Wars lasers
Sound like "pew pew pew."
---

Randy Gregory
He could have gone to Purdue
But now he sees red.
---

Huskers are red
This week it's Purdue
They're a team on the rise
But they'll lose to NU
---

There once was a d-end quite cool
Who had thoughts of attending Purdue
But he had to think twice
When he found something nice
On the campus of dear old N-U.
~Greg

Huskers are red
This week it's Purdue
They're getting better
But I won't pick them over NU
---

Fear Ameer, Fear Now
Fear Ameer, Fear Ameer Now
Fear. Do you fear yet?
---

There was once a school out east
Who had a quarterback, Drew Brees
Unfortunately for them
Drew has done left
Jury's still out on Appelby
~ranchbabe

Cobby Welcomes Purdue

Huskers are red
This week it's Purdue
"THEY'RE CALLED THE BOILERMAKERS???"
Oh, shit, folks. I mean, "Oh, poo."

A team named for a drink
So Cobby's put out the call
"IF YOU'RE IN BLACK & GOLD?
DEPTH CHARGES FOR ALL!!!"

"NOW LET'S KEEP IT CHEAP!!
A TOP SHELF GUY I AM NOT
FOR THE ALE, I SAY SCHLITZ,
FOR THE HOOCH, AN $8 ROTGUT!!"

"NOW KEEP UP, YOU BITCHES!!
THOSE MUGS YOU'D BEST DRAIN!
DRINKING'S A FULL CONTACT SPORT
ON EASTERN NEBRASKA'S FAIR PLAIN!!"

"WEST LAFAYETTE'S HONOR
IS FULLY AT STAKE!
NOW HOLD YOUR BOOZE TIGHTER
THAN ANN ARBOR'S EATERS OF CAKE!!"

"WHISKEY IS TOO HARD
ON THEIR PANSY MICHIGAN TUMMIES.
THEY PISS & MOAN FOR FINE PORT;
AN ANETHEMA TO TRUE RUMMIES."

"SO DROP IN THAT SHOT
AND RAISE UP YOUR GLASSES.
WE'LL TOAST & BE CHUMS
BEFORE WE GET TO KICKING YOUR ASSES!!"
~Cobby

So alcoholic bonding is on
With the folk of Hammer & Rails
We all know how this ends. Jon?
Cobby needs a C-note for bail.
~CN staff addendum

The Big Red Team That Could

A Big Red team had a series of games to win
They went along very well until they came to a Spartan wall. No matter how hard they tried, they could not move the ball.
They passed and ran. They ran right and left.
But of yards and points they were bereft.
At last they found a seam and started to move the chains. Do you think they gave up? No, indeed! They were out for big gains.
"Surely we can pull this out!" they said.
Down the field and past the defense went the Big Red.
Soon they were near the end zone and ready to make their stand. Let the ball go, and just off the receivers hand.
Will you still cheer this team? Though less certain is the road ahead?
The head coach looked at his team and then he said:
Don't you see that we need to execute the process? We need to improve if we want to win the West?
The Big Red Team was sorry but moved on. GOOOO BIIIIIIIIG REEEEED! GO! BIG! RED!
Soon they came to the next opponent clad in purple, although their stadium was scarlet.
That gothic team may help us, give it away like a harlot.

(ranchbabe's pro tip: don't ever give Cobby editing privileges, especially for projects based on grade school stories at his reading comprehension level)

The second half, the Big Red team answered:
Big Red just came in from a trick TD pass to the QB. Feeling fine and extending the lead.
They should not look ahead, the next two foes seem weak.
After a while, another scarlet team challenged but lost rights to the hue.
Will Big Red focus on the final score or the missed chances to be good?
Yes, indeed! The head coach insists better play is the key.
So the Big Red Team thought long and then as a team, they decided that one behind the other they must be.
Fear! Ameer! Fear! Ameer! Off they now go.
Slowly the mindset begins to move. Slowly they understand no foe can be undersold.
We-think-we-can! We-think-we-can! We-think-we-can! We-think-we-can! We-think-we-can! We-think-we-can! We-think-we-can! We-think-we-can!
And this part of the tale has yet to be written,
Now the Big Red must all be in sync and ready to climb a tall mountain. They must all the same direction be going,
If a conference they plan on owning.
We-thought-we-could! We-thought-we-could! We-thought-we-could! We-thought-we-could! We-thought-we-could! We-thought-we-could!