Husker Mike: October is here, and the games start getting a little more serious here.
Ranchbabe: I think you mean November. No one shaves at this point of the year. S***t gets real.
Andy: Is that asterisk talk for shee-it? That’s right stewardess, I speak jive.
Cobby: THOSE FIRST TWO GAMES LOOK LIKE THE ANSWER TO A TRIVIA QUESTION: NAME TWO GAMES YOU WOULD NEVER WILLINGLY PLAY IN NCAA 2014. IF THEY STILL MADE IT. SHIT. I MEAN SHEE-IT. WHERE DID I HIDE THAT BOTTLE OF 46?
Husker Mike: Yeesh...it’s been one of those months…
Brian: November 1st is this year’s National College Football Day. What happened last year on this day? GLAD YOU ASKED.
Northwestern (+4) at Iowa
Ranchbabe: Bye was not kind to Iowa as it knocked out a starting linebacker for alcohol-related reasons. Of course, NW won’t give Iowegia any excuses and promptly suspended a drunk linebacker of its own. Iowa’s defense is solid and NW’s offense (especially the line) can be exploited. NW has a decent secondary, but Iowa doesn’t pass anyway. Hawkeyes 20 Wildcats 18 Don’t hate me purple fans. Every time I make fun of Iowa, they win. I said nice things here. #doublereversejinxyouarewelcome
Andy: These two teams are both pretty good at defense and pretty shit at everything else. Sounds like a recipe for more riveting Big 10 football. (punching self in sack) So let’s talk about the schools. Northwestern has smart bastards. Do me a favor and make the Microsoft Surface not suck. Microsoft apparently spent its development money on bribing the NFL to adopt these shitheaps as their official tablets. Iowa doesn’t have smart bastards. Quite the opposite in fact. Hell, I don’t know ...give the local livestock a break when your mood waxes romantic? Iowa 3 Northwestern 2
COBBY: I JUST ORDERED 5 PAIRS OF THOSE GLOVES THAT FORM THE HUSKER LOGO WHEN YOU HOLD YOUR HANDS UP LIKE YOU’RE DDP GETTING READY TO DROP THE DIAMOND CUTTER ON SOMEONE. I’VE BEEN SUFFERING THE ‘DROPS’ AT THE LOCAL TAVERN LATELY. IT’LL ALSO GIVE ME A BETTER GRIP ON A PBR BOTTLE WHEN I TRY TO PUT ONE THROUGH THE TV DURING THIS BOREFEST. NW 15 IOWA 13
Husker Mike: Same Iowa defense that gave up 38 to Maryland, right? We’ll just rerun the same story lines. Overrated Iowa hosts Northwestern, BHGP makes jNWu jokes. Northwestern wins. NW 24, ui 20
Brian: Iowa with a week to rest, at home and NW isn’t very good when you make Trevor Siemian beat you. Plus, Iowa is going to knuckle punch NW’s D like Ameer did with Jordan Canzeri. Hawkeyes pull away in the 4th.
Indiana (+7) at Michigan
Ranchbabe: Indiana’s offense vs Michigan’s defense might be something resembling ‘watchable’. Indiana’s defense vs. Michigan’s offense will be more like a 3 stooges routine. Can someone develop a scoring system similar to what some spring games use so we never have to see that second scenario? Brady Hoke will be ‘aware but not fully aware’ that his team played a game. Over/under on the number of times the Wolverines get boo’d by their own crowd? I’m setting it at 2.5. I would totally pick the Hoosiers except they lost their QB. To hell with it, they still have Coleman. Candystripes 28 Wolverines give fans a free Dominos pizza (and Coke!) with every firing in the following week
Andy: I’d rather watch Japanese bug fight videos. Fightin’ Hokes 18 Whose Ears 14
Cobby: THAT FAT BASTARD HOKE IS ABOUT TO HAVE SOME FREE TIME AND A LOT OF GOLDEN PARACHUTE CASH ON HIS HANDS. LOOKS LIKE HE SWIMS IN BOOZE TOO. TIME TO GO MAKE A NEW FRIEND… MICHIGAN 20 INDIANA 13
Husker Mike: Change is coming...but slowly...to Ann Arbor. Meanwhile, Weasel fans have to patiently sit through the end of the Hoke era. Indiana 38, Michigan 27
Tirefire in Ann Arbor. Everyone wears white, no one is happy till Hoke’s ass is gone, and Michigan has no offense, even with Indiana’s D. Hoosiers win.
Auburn (+2.5) at Ole’ Miss
Ranchbabe: SEC! SEC! SEC! Can’t they both win? I mean they deserve it and all. Oh crap, I’ve been watching too much ESPN. Actually, I haven’t; I don’t have satellite TV and I’ve only been reading articles about ESPN bias and the counterpoints about the lack thereof. I am confused. Do we want the SEC to win or not?
/takes a deep breath
Neither team is falling below Nebraska in the committee poll anyway….Winner 24 Loser 21
Andy: Interesting match-up. Spread offenses usually turn into Wile E. Coyote against defenses like this, but Bo Wallace is suffering from PTSD and a nation learned that Ole Miss has a functional moron for a head coach, albeit one with a ton of talent. I think Auburn pulls this one out with a late TD after Freeze sends the punt return team out on an Auburn 3rd & 7. Tragedy ensues as Ole Miss drops to #7. War Damn Eagle 27 Ole Miss 20
Cobby: I CROSSED THE GROVE OFF MY BUCKET LIST A FEW YEARS AGO. SORT OF. I REMEMBER TAKING SOME FACE SLAPS, A LITTLE MACE AND A STEEL CHAIR BEFORE BEING ZIPTIED AND CARTED OFF FOR A NIGHT IN THE HOOSEGOW. GOD AS MY WITNESS, I THOUGHT THOSE GIRLS IN THE SUNDRESSES WERE HOOKERS, NOT COEDS. OLE MISS 34 AWBREEN 31
Husker Mike: Typically, after a team loses in a heartbreaking fashion like Ole Miss did last week, take them the next week to rebound. But not this week...not when you have a Hugh Freeze brain fart to end the game..and not against Auburn and Gus. Auburn 38, Ole Miss 31
Brian: I don’t know about Auburn, I mean Ellis Johnson is carrying the torch of Ted Roof here, however I do think Freeze is going to be alright and Bo Wallace will have a good game. Give me Hotty Toddy here .
Arizona (+4.5) at UCLA
Ranchbabe: Brett Hundley is completing 70.8% of his passes. Let that stat sink in for a minute. The Bruins rush defense has been a bit of a concern as they’ve given up over 200 yards rushing the past few games but the Wildcats haven’t gotten this far under RichRod by running the ball. The Wildcat’s feature a young, rapidly-improving quarterback, but I’m not sure he can outduel Hundley just yet. UCLA has lost 2 straight home games, I don’t think they make it three. UCLA 38 AZ 31
Andy: Unlike the two Big 10 loaded-diaper games above, this one won’t be boring. Home field advantage is non-existent for UCLA. Arizona 48 UCLA 38
Cobby: MAYBE IT’LL RAIN OUT THERE AND WE CAN WATCH LA PEOPLE PISS THEIR CALVINS AND STARE AT THE SKY IN HORROR LIKE THE AZTECS DURING A METEOR SHOWER. OK, MAYBE NOT. UCLA 51 ZONA 44
Husker Mike: UCLA keeps muddling through while Arizona keeps winning inexplicably. Logic says take the Bruins, but chaos theory says ‘Zona. I’ll go with logic for some reason. UCLA 31, Arizona 24
Brian: Well, this one is a toss up. On one hand, Arizona is due to start losing right? Other hand, UCLA did let Colorado get to OT with them. Who wins? /flips coin /UCLA.
Purdue (+23.5) at Nebraska
Ranchbabe: This is an interesting spread as Nebraska won by 37 last year and that was only due to a garbage TD given up by the D reserves at the very end. Both teams are much better than last year and the game is in Lincoln. My only bold prediction? Purdue scores more points than last year (7). I don’t feel good about the Huskers covering this spread as I think Purdue hangs around longer than Husker fans would like. Big Red 45 Boilermakers 27
Andy: Till now, Purdue’s managed to avoid being blown out except for Central Michigan. Ugh. But they’ve shown some fight. And I’m going to go against the conventional wisdom as well as my pick from earlier this week on the Purdue Q&A and take the Huskers to cover the points.
I think Purdue has a little success early & scores on the first drive, because damn near everyone does. But their D is porous on good days and teams run wild on them. It’s another Ameer gets 200 by early 3rd quarter game and Huskers roll. GBR 49 Purdue 14
Cobby: I’LL LET THE POETRY TELL MY PURDUE STORY. MAINLY BECAUSE ALL THIS DAMN TYPING IS CUTTING INTO BAR TIME. HASTA LA HUEVOS, BEETCHES. HUSKERS 72 PURDUE 3 (JUST KIDDING, THAT’S URBAN MEYER SHIT. LET’S SAY 42-17)
Husker Mike: Purdue has put up some impressive numbers in recent weeks on offense, but something tells me that the Blackshirts are going to have some success because while Austin Appleby has gained yardage on the ground, he’s not really THAT mobile. And let’s not forget that Purdue’s defense is still a Purdon’t. Huskers 56, Boilers 17
Brian: Purdue will score some points, in the fact that this D isn’t going to really be pumped up. Jon has harped it time and time again, that this is the last game that you fully expect Nebraska to win and not lose but could shit the bed. I don’t think Nebraska covers cause 1) they will be looking forward to the bye and 2) once this team gets up 14-17, the cruise control gets in third gear and it’s a coasting fest. Best thing would be to Purdue get the attention of the team and be up after 1, because then it really will prove that this team can’t take any game lying down whatsoever. Huskers win, don’t cover, and we start hemming and hawing about Wisconsin for 13 days.