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Huskers Are Red, Sparty Is Green

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Corny kickoff poetry goes rogue this week. Bonus: The Ballad of Cobby

Eric Francis

Ranchbabe, Andy, Greg, Paul, David, Ty, and CN member Robsa all made this week's kickoff poetry one of the most diverse ever. We have "roses are red", #huskerhaiku, limericks and a very special feature by Andy, "The Ballad of Cobby". I am pretty sure Cobby himself snuck a few rhymes into the article. We will let you figure out where.

"Roses Are Red"

Huskers are red
Sparty is green
I'm not allowed to say f**k
'Cause Yahoo is mean

Huskers on the road
Take note M-S-U
You haven't beaten us
As much as we've beaten you

Cornhuskers are red
Spartans are dark green
Ask Faux Pelini
Mike Sadler is mean
[note: this is not true, check out @sadler_3 who is a pretty awesome Twitter read]

Roses are red
Yes, Spartans we heard
You won a big bowl
Out west against nerds

Cornhuskers are red
Ameer Abdullah can fly
The goal line is the only
Thing that stops this guy

Randy Gregory can block
A word for the wise
Someone will get rocked
Life flashes before eyes

Huskers wear red.
Spartans wear green.
In Frank Miller's 300
They actually wear red.
(*bleep* it...facts don't have to rhyme)

East Lansing is green.
Lincoln is red.
The Blackshirts will fill
Sparty's offense with dread.

Huskers are red
Spartans are Green
No they're not
I watched Sparticus

Huskers are red
Spartans are green
East Lansing ain't ready
For the Big Red machine

THE BALLAD OF COBBY

Spartans are green
Huskers are red
Cobby drinks from the bottom shelf
and pisses the bed

His behavior is heinous
When he drinks & he curses
Detox is no answer
He just fondles the nurses

So we send him to Lansing
where he'll crash every party
And make unwanted advances
on a horrified Sparty

He'll recover for game day
with a gutful of rum
And drop f-bombs on refs
till given the rush of the bums

He'll snore on the Greyhound
and fart in his sleep,
causing the heartiest of souls
to uncontrollably weep

Back at home, off the bus,
to the bar he will walk.
When asked how it went?
"DUDE, IT TOTALLY ROCKED!"
~Andy K

From the CN community

Robsa's contribution is making up for my failure to include the word "zucchini" as I promised for last week's kickoff poetry. Thanks for covering for me! Bonus points for making fun of Iowa during Sparty week.

Zucchini rhymes with Houdini.
Ameer escapes tackles like a football Houdini
As Iowa fans move on to harvesting zucchini.

#Huskerhaiku

Q-Bs try to flee,
But misjudgment they make.
Randy Gregory.

Alternates weren't great
Adidas shouldn't be allowed
Near any duct tape

A cape and phone booth
Not-so-secret weapon needs
#fearameer is true

Tommy Armstrong
can chuck that ball far downfield
TOUCHDOWN KENNY BELL

Our defense has heart
Josh Mitchell will punch your face
And he is tiny.

Jake Cotton deserves
More respect. But really he
Needs more uniform.

Ameer Ameer Ah
Meer Ameer Ameer Ameer
Ameer does good things

Limericks

There once was a Q-B from F-S-U
Who said something most thought rather lewd
....[deleted by editor].....

There was once a Husker team clad in red
Who was tougher than past years it was said
Our R-B was quite complete
And D-E was very sweet
The whole team filled the Big Ten with great dread

There once was a Spartan from Lansing
Who thought he would go backfield dancing
With an attitude a bit crass
Alex placed him on his ass
And said, "Sir, back here, you'll not be prancing."

There once was a team from Nebraska
There is no team from Alaska
This author is dumb
Now he's sucking his thumb
As nothing else rhymes with Nebraska